Falling For You *Love at Last Sight*

Messed Up

Chapter 9

~Messed Up

Days seemed to get lonelier as I was alone. At least at school, people talked to me, even if it was just to insult and hurt me. I wasn't as alone there. My father knew that I hated not being able to go to school, so he used it against me. Even though school was my second h--l, I liked it. I had always loved learning and doing new things.

My father was gone today, thankfully. I walked into my bathroom, and quickly stripped, and got into the shower. The feeling of the water on my skin was wonderful. Soon, I forgot about my worries.

When I was done, I got out and wrapped a towel around me. I soon found myself looking into my full body mirror. The girl I saw was a ghostly pale, with dark purple bags under her almost blood-shot eyes. Her hair hung limply around her shoulders. Her body was another thing. All her bones poked out awkwardly. You could easily count her ribs and probably just about every other bone in her body. Her skin seemed to cling to her bones. It was disgusting. I looked down and frowned. 

The girl in the mirror was me.

Then I decided to try something. I went under the sink and grabbed the scale. I set it down and took a deep breath. Last time, the number was 75. I was shaking, kind of scared to see the number now. 

I pushed away the fears and stepped onto the scale. I stared at the numbers as it went through many before it came to my number. It seemed to drag on forever. Many numbers past through my sight before the scale came to its conclusion. I looked at the number. When I saw it, I almost started crying.

72.

In five days, I had lost three pounds. 

Then I lost it. Tears came streaming down my face. I put my palms against the walls, trying to grab at it. I clenched my fists, in anger. It was his fault. It's all his fault! He abandoned me when they left us! He doesn't care for me. I hated him. I hated what he was doing to me. I didn't want to be bone skinny. I didn't want to cut. I didn't want to get abused. 

I was crying harder. My fists were clenched tightly. So tightly, that they were turning white. Anger boiled inside me. I pulled my fist back and slammed it against the wall, in full power. As it impacted, I heard bones crunching. Then I screamed. I looked at my hand, it was now turning black and blue. This had broughten a small smile upon my face. 

~*~*~*~*~

It had been a few hours since I had punched the wall, and I was now outside in the gardens. Thankfully, it still held all the plants my mother had planted here. I was so thankful that they came back every year.

I stared out the window, watching Mother plant the seeds she had gotten from grandma. She had always loved flowers and would always plant them and care for them. After a while of watching through the window, I decided to go watch her in person. 

When I had gotten outside, I ran over to her. I was giggling as I was running. Mother heard me, as she had turned around to look at me. She smiled softly at me.

That was what I missed. Her smile. Whenever she smiled everything seemed to brighten. Her smile was like the sun. It brightened my darkest days, making them so much brighter. I missed my mother and her smile. Only her smile could make me feel like I was loved.

I was pulled from my memory when I heard someone knocking on the door. I was shocked, as no one ever really came to this house. Quietly, I got up, going inside and headed to the door. I didn't know who it could be, since there was about nobody who ever came to this house. When I looked out the window, I smiled. 

It was Kyle.

I unlocked the door and opened it. The smile on my face was soon wiped off when I saw Kyle's expression. He looked worried and angry. His eyes were swirled with so many emotions, his lips formed a straight line and his hair was ruffled. This, in all, was scaring me.

"Is something wr-" I started to ask quietly, but he interrupted me.

"Ithinkweshouldn't... seeortalktoeachother... anymore! I, I, um, I mean, um, you're nogoodforme and youareacrazymessedupemochickwhoIcan'tbeseenwith!" he rambled on. 

I stared at him shocked. 

"W-what?" I asked, softly.

"I'm sorry, Kaelyn, but I can't be with you. Or even be seen with you. The truth is you are just too messed up and I can't deal with you," Kyle sighed. He took a step towards me and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry. But goodbye."

He had a sad look in his eyes. It made me wonder what was really going on. He turned and walked away, his head down. I stared after him, shocked. Did that really just happen? He thought I was a crazy, messed up, emo chick?

When he was out of sight, I slammed the front door shut and ran up to my room, crying. I was too shocked to process anything. I fell onto my bed and rolled up into a ball, rocking gently, hoping, wishing that this was all just a dream and that tomorrow Kyle would be here and we'd be laughing and smiling.

But I knew it was true. I knew he meant it.

~*~*~*~*~

As I left her house, I was shocked. I couldn't believe I did that. I knew it hurt her and that she was surprised, but I had to do it. Didn't I? I shook my head, violently. I couldn't go through the pain of this... thing... again. Not after Destinee. Not with Kaelyn. 

I loved her, though. At least, I thought I did.