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Chpater 40- Empty

~Ryder POV~

Empty. That's how I feel. I feel empty, I feel lost, I feel desperate for her love. I lost the two most important people in my life, the reasons why I woke up every morning with a smile on my face. I was so close, so fucking close to finally call Nichole my wife, but I ruined it. I should've listened to her when she told me not to go. Why? Why didn't I just stay home and spend time with my fiancé and daughter. How could I be so stupid? None of this would've happened if I didn't agree with Logan. Part of me wants to blame them for not looking for me or stopping me from getting drunk, but another part of me knows that I should take blame for it because I'm my own person and I should be responsible with my choices. Although I want to blame the alcohol, I can't because I remember exactly what Nichole said to me. I wouldn't even cheat on her if I was drunk, because part of me knows that if it hurts her, it hurts me. She's the only person that understands me, that loves me for me and not for my money. Why did this have to happen to me?! Why?

I can't stand being without her, it breaks me. I can't think right when I'm with her, because she's so beautiful, but I lose my mind knowing I lost her. I want her, I need her, she's my drug and I can never have enough of her.

Why would she think I cheated on her? Why, all I did was go to club and drink...and that one girl who kissed me. Wait how did she find out. Not that I didn't want her to know, but I wanted to tell her myself. But I also remember I passed out and that girl took me to her apartment. She told me we didn't sleep together because I kept denying her, so how did Nichole ever get the idea that I cheated on her? This is all so confusing.

I slumped to the ground bringing  Nichole's dress to my chest and smelling her scent. Why? Why did you leave me? I grabbed the tequila that I hid from Nichole and gulped it down. It burned my throat a little, but I ignored it and kept drinking.

Fuck you Ryder, I'm leaving and hopefully to never see you again.

Another gulp.

I don't want to ever see you again, people like you don't deserve love, but people like me don't deserve you.

I throw the half empty tequila bottle at the wall across my room and hear the glass shatter once it made contact.

Hopefully you can make your own family and I'll make mine with someone who loves me.

"No! No! You can't make another family, you're mine and only mine!" I shout at tears rapidly stream down my cheeks blurring my vision.

You're just someone who made me realize my biggest mistake and that was falling in love with you.

Falling in love with you

Falling in love with you

Mistake

Mistake

Her words echoed through my ears, I got up and punched the wall. Every time I replayed the scene where she walked out the door and out my life. I cried and threw things everywhere. The apartment was already a mess when I got here, but when I broke down the mess got bigger. Glass is everywhere, the furniture are flipped over, clothes are everywhere, it's like a tornado came by and made a huge ass mess.

"Damn, it looks like shit in here! Ryder! Ryder where are you!" Logan shouted. I slumped against the wall and cried, my shoulders shaking as I buried my face in my hands. I heard foot steps approach my room along with others. I want to be alone, I need to be alone.