Anesthesia

Cas: Anesthesia

"I know," I repeat. "I just can't believe you actually had sex with her. All this time I kept telling myself to go back to you. All this time I told myself that you wouldn't actually cheat on me. But you did. You really did. How much liquor did you have Dean?!"
"You don't understand Cas! I was in so much pain!"
"You were in pain?! What about me?! You know I'm not used to this shit man! You know I get hurt easily! And I'm the most gullible, most oblivious seraph to ever walk this earth. And you think you can just kiss Jo and think I'll be alright?!"
" I DIDN'T KISS HER!" Dean screams. I roll my eyes. "Oh right she kissed you my mistake. And you just decided you couldn't pull away immediately, you had to lock lips for a couple extra seconds right?"
Dean steps even closer to me, but I can't back away. The light scent of his cologne fills my nose and I almost forget everything and fall into him. I shake my head and snap back to reality.
"Im sorry alright?!"
"Stop saying that!!" I yell.
"What else do you want me to say?"
"There's nothing else to say."
Dean looks at me with brokenness in his green as grass eyes. I find myself getting lost in them, and then I picture his eyes looking into Jo's. I feel anger burning up inside me. I feel my eyes light up and my fingers tingle, wanting so badly to pull out my angel blade and stab him in the heart just like he did to me.
"I can't even look at your face... Without wanting to stab you," I say with a glare. I penetrate his soft gaze with my stone cold one. I try to read Dean's face. He opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt him before meaningless words come out. I feel my fingers getting hot but I refrain from exploding completely in a blaze of angel violence and anger.
"You have a problem. You have a serious problem. Because when you're hurting you rely on liquor and sex as some sort of... Painkiller or anesthesia! AND I'M THE ONE THAT YOU SHOULD COME TO WHEN YOU'RE IN PAIN, DEAN! I should be your anesthesia Dean! Not all this bullshit you use to mask your pain. I am the one that can tell the difference between your sexy smirk and your playful smirk. I can see just the slightest, smallest change in your tone, and I can see the different kinds of pain in your eyes.I'm the one that knows when something's really wrong and I can even tell what you're thinking about whenever I read your expression because I've lived it all through with you! I need to be your anesthesia, your drug to help you heal." I feel my fingers cool down and I sigh in relief. My chest is heaving. I rub my eyes and step back.
"Wow," Dean mutters. I look at him waiting for a sign. Any sign. I clasp my hands together and lick my lips. I attempt to say more, but all that comes out is tears. I look up at the trees dancing in the soft breeze and I remember back to him and I having our picnic in the meadow. It was the first time we told each other we loved them. I feel myself warm up just thinking about it. And then I say it:
"I still love you."
Dean tilts his head slightly.
"I love you too." We stand in silence for a moment. I've missed those beautiful green eyes. I've missed gripping that hair. I've missed  his strong hands and lean arms. I just want them to be wrapped around me... Despite everything he's done  to me. I need them around me. I need them groping my ass, not Jo's. And then I realize it. I finally realize what I've needed to realize all this time. I need him. We both open our mouths to speak.
"I need you," we say simultaneously. And all at once, his chest is pressed up against mine. His hands rub the lapel of my fuzzy robe. His hands work down my back and to my ass. That familiar touch of his hand fitting just perfectly around the curve of my ass and my hands stroking his neck and running my fingers through his brown hair.
"Am I messing up you hair? I'm so sorry, I know you work hard to get it perfectly gelled," I say chuckling. He laughs and presses his lips to mine.
"Mmm," I say with satisfaction. He pulls away for a mere second.
"I've missed that so much," he says and kisses me again. I slide my tongue into his mouth and he does the same. He grips at my robe desperately wanting it off.
"It's cold," I joke.
"Sorry, sorry," he says laughing. I lean further but then pull away.
"Sam's probably waiting inside," I say moaning. Dean sighs.
"Yeah he probably is. Can't he wait?" Dean whines, and pulls me closer by my robe.
"No he cannot. He needs to know that we are so desperately in love," I say jokingly. Dean throws his head back in laughter and pulls me in for an embrace before we go back inside.
"Where's Jess?" I ask.
"She was having a smoke. Maybe she's in the bunker now," Dean says. As we clomp down the stairs Jess releases her embrace from Sam and looks over at us. We walk side by side, stop,  and glare at each other. Then we clasp our hands together. Jess and Sam smile and holler. They run over and hug us both.
"Thank the fuckin lord!" Jess exclaims.
Dean squeezes my hand and beams. Sam smiles kindly as well.
"All the gang's back together finally," Sam says. "So how the hell did you get Cas to ever even speak to you?" He asks Dean.
"Charmed him with my impossibly good looks and great hair," he says and laughs. Everyone erupts into easy laughter.
"Pretty much," I say. I feel warmth fill my body. Yes, this feels right.