Anesthesia

Cas: Cheers To Us

I walk into the roadhouse in fury. It gets quiet and I go to sit in a booth alone. I glance behind me quickly and catch a glimpse of EVERYONE staring at me. I look down at my hands and tap my fingers in boredom. What should I do? Just sit here like an idiot? Maybe storming out like an idiot would be better. I already look like a fool. I could go to the back. Read a magazine? Play nonchalant and act like nothing is wrong? Maybe I should just confront them. Clearly Dean told them about my tantrum. Tantrum for good reason that is. I have a valid point; Dean slept with a lot of women and that's scary for me. I should walk right up to him and yell at them all to not trust him with any women! Yeah. That's a really bad idea. Worst idea I had yet. Worse than what I just previously did. I started a fight I didn't really need to start. I realize that I'm rambling on in my head. What if I'm mumbling things under my breath? What if they can hear what I'm thinking? Ok, now I'm just being irrational.
"You good?" I look up to see Sam looking at me.
"Yeah I'm just peachy. Everything's great. I can't trust Dean and I feel horrible and everything's going downhill we haven't even lasted a month and we're having trust issues. Or I'm having trust issues. So yeah I'm good Sam," I say sarcastically. Sam sits in the booth and stares at me.
"I'm not the one you're fighting with. What's with the sarcasm?" Sam asks.
"I learned it from Dean," I say sadly.
Sam looks at me with empathy. He has that puppy dog look in his eyes.
"Well what do you expect? I knew Dean really liked sex but now that we are 'a thing' I'm truly realizing his sins. He has sex so much."
Sam glares.
"Don't start on sins Cas. You're no angel," he half-jokes.
"And it really shouldn't bother me because we have had great sex but," I mumble to myself forgetting Sam is there. Sam clears his throat uncomfortably.
"Sorry," I say twiddling my thumbs. "I don't know why I'm like this. It's just all kicking in now. Dean's a man whore. A he-slut," I sigh. Sam stutters for a moment not knowing what to say.
"Um. Well— he's not—that bad... Uh haven't you had sex before Cas? Let's not be hypocritical. So what, he's slept with a lot of women. But you do realize he's not like that anymore? He'd never be disloyal. Ever. I know my brother. And I know how he feels about you."
I sigh. "That's the exact same thing he said. But I got really angry. I'm not used to this Sam."
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I lay on the bed as everything whirls in my mind furiously. My mind is a tornado of thoughts and concerns and I feel myself getting anxious. How could I ever let this one man break down the warrior I was to become a... An ordinary man. I'm as weak as a human being and it makes me feel anxious. I slide my hand over to the cold spot next to me where Dean would sleep if u hadn't of lashed out at him. Maybe I do get too sensitive. I sit in silence for a moment until I hear the faintest if a laugh.I sigh and get up quietly as not to wake anyone. I hear hushed voices in the diner. I walk slowly and cautiously as the floorboards squeak silently under my feet. I peer into the diner. Dean sits at a booth with a hand of cards. Jo sits across from him and giggles at something he said. He smiles brightly as he searches through his cards. He slams one down on the table and Jo exclaims as she throws her hands in the air.  It rains cards. She sits back in defeat. Dean laughs.
"Rummy!!" He yells.
Jo hushes him and he looks in my direction. I quickly duck around the corner before he sees me spying. I glance again at them.
"There's people sleeping!" Jo says between laughs. Dean shakes his head, still smiling wide as he gathers the cards into a deck.
"I win," he taunts. Jo gets up and heads to the bar. I hide myself again. I listen intently as I hear Dean get up and walk over. He lets out a laboured sigh. I hear the clink of glasses. A beverage is poured and I hear another clink.
"Cheers to us," Jo says.
"That's something couples say," Dean chuckles.
"Yeah..." Jo says drifting off. I peek once more and my heart stops. I can't help it. I gasp. I turn quickly from the two pressing their lips together. I knew it. I think to myself as I run out the back exit. I knew it.