In the Darkness

I: Not Anymore

I can't describe how it feels like.

Anger, sadness, pain, guilt, confusion, curiosity, all at once.

"You're no longer an exorcist." Arima-sama's words bounced around my head cutting my ability to speak. I clutched the unchanging knife that he asked me to cast an enchantment on.

"What the hell are you saying underwear pervert man?!" Rokuro bursts out pointing a finger to Arima. This is what he always does when he thinks I'm in no terms to defend myself, he fights my battles. This time he can't save me because the battle is not with Arima but with the truth. Arima-sama seemed unfazed by his outbursts looking as serious as ever.

"Tell me Adashino, do you feel different since you woke up?" he asks like he already knows the answer his own question. I can hear him loud and clear but I can't seem to find my voice. Suddenly, my legs can't bear the weight of my own body and I fell on my knees sending the knife clattering on the floor. "You know something changed within yourself Adashino but, I want you to tell me exactly how you feel now." Arima went on his knees as well like coaxing a child.

"Pain." I managed to choke out.

"Where are you hurt Benio?" urgency filled Rokuro's voice as he placed his palm in my back.

"I feel so weak it's painful." I explained. Tears keep falling out of my eyes even though I'm not sobbing. "I feel like the enchantments left my body at once." I wanted to scream, to die and never feel anything again. "I feel like a helpless, ordinary human."

"You exhausted all you enchanted powers during the last fight, we can't let you fight anymore. It will be too dangerous and you'll just be a liability." Arima explains but something felt off, it's as if he expects this to happen all along. "I'll go now. You take care of yourself Adashino." he pats my shoulder as he pass. I can hear Rokuro shouting but my mind is too far away to understand his words.

I ran up to my room leaving him standing there as shocked as I am. It all went dark from then on. I couldn't control my rage not knowing to what or who it is directed. All these talisman, charms, weapons, they're all just useless junk now I yanked, pulled and threw anything I get my hands on sending it all shattering like my heart. The swords loudly clattered in perfect harmony with my desperate screaming. I should burn all of this and maybe burn myself as well. Gathering all the charms and other exorcism gear I threw it all in a bundle at the middle of my room. My tears still flow down my face as I continue to make the pile when suddenly Rokuro sent the door flying open.

"Benio?" he sound scared, like trying to tame an animal going berserk. I didn't notice him for my mind has one goal and it's all I can see. Eliminate the failure, the liability. A strong hand held my arm in place preventing me from fulfilling my mission.

"What are you doing Benio?" his voice was sad, like he's hurt. In his eyes was everything he wanted to say. I felt everything come down at me, my heart felt like it was burning, eating itself seeing his face.