In the Darkness

II: Agony of Loss

He held me as I cry, he didn't let go once. If anything, he held on tighter until I ran out of tears to cry. I must have passed out based on the ceiling not belonging to my room, we lay in his bed. He wasn't asleep but his eyes were closed as he inhale the scent of my hair. What's left of my heart bleeds more once I think of it.

My identity, life as I know it being taken away from me made me feel like I'm not alive but just the mere thought of Rokuro being apart from me...

It makes me feel like I didn't know what life was to begin with, like I was going to lose my sanity. I instinctively put my arm around him as if he's going to vanish in thin air soon. Red eyes stared at me and I felt the urge to cry, if only I had energy left.

"You know what this means right?" I whispered, afraid.

"What are you talking about Benio?" he asked, once again, maybe for the last time, his lack of initiative to think about the future ticks me off.

The last time. That hurts.

"Stupid Rokuro." Somehow I managed to smile. "I am not an exorcist anymore, I can't be one of the Twin Stars, I'm just me now." He bared his teeth like he does when he's really angry. He held me tight against his chest as if he's trying to shield me from the world.

"You're my wife Benio, weak human or exorcist, nothing can change that." The way he says it made me feel a ray of hope again, something he can only do. "I'd like to tell you about my dreams Benio."

 "You'll tell me all about your perverted dreams considering we're in one bed? How convenient." I say sarcastically. My own words hit us both like a rock, we suddenly both became hyperaware of each other. I can feel a blush creeping onto my face as my temperature seem to climb.

"No, I don't have perverted dreams you know." Sounds like a straight up lie but I let it go. "I dreamed of our child several times before."

Our child. The way he says it, with passion, with love, it felt like our child already exists. Our own child, the thought sends warmth all over me.

"What's our baby like?" Saying that makes me feel happy, like I'm in a dream. Then maybe I am still deep asleep or already dead but I am so happy I wouldn't want to wake up.

"She's like you, cute and mysterious." He chuckled at the thought. "He supports me whenever I lose hope in a fight. She loves us both." My child is a girl? I suddenly made plans of what I would call her, how I would take care of her, things I have to buy for her. In all reality, my fear matches up with my anticipation of being with this child.

"That's nice." I looked up at his face, our lips almost touching. I think my face is beet red but I couldn't look away. He was also blushing but he was smiling down at me. "I'm okay now Rokuro, thank you." I say with all sincerity I could muster.

This was a really good dream so I want to make it better. I kissed him.