In the Darkness

III: My Salvation

He wasn't moving so I don't know if I am mistaken. I haven't kissed anyone before so I don't know how. I pulled away and looked at him giving a silent apology.

This wasn't a dream, I really kissed him. I curse my rash decisions. I slipped out of the blanket to head out when he caught my arm pulling me to him. He kissed me this time and it felt like fire. My arm got a little tired of supporting my weight so I decided to lie down. He kissed me with power, with such gentle force but clearly not out of experience. I can tell he doesn't know what to do with his hands or how exactly to progress.

Instincts. That's what where relying on here. We pulled away for breath and I looked at his loving face grasping it with both of my hands.

I know it without any trace of doubt, I love Rokuro with all of my heart and I know that he does too.

My hands drifted down to his neck, to his chest grazing the edges of his toned muscles under his shirt. He removed the cloth that separates my hands from his bare skin at once never breaking eye contact. My hands roamed as if I'm memorizing every plane, every line of his body. I lightly pushed him down and kissed the trail I traveled with my hands because I love this boy, I love all of him. I can see the surprise in his face but I kept on going not being intimidated by the fact that I do not know what I'm doing. I came back to his lips and it felt like home. His hands skimmed the hem of my shirt and I know what he's asking for so I removed my top as well, suddenly feeling so conscious about my own skin. The fact that I don't wear a bra made it more difficult to be confident so my arms instinctively covered my chest. I can tell he's being cautious, but also he's feeling a need to feel me, like how I felt him. His hands gently pulled by arms away from my chest leaving me exposed and all I can do is blush and look away.

"You're beautiful Benio." He says earnestly and I believed him. Kissing me again, his hands came contact with my skin. It felt so good, like committing a sin and being forgiven easily.

I studied sex before as a part of my societal research, the technical side of it. Conceiving a child is basic knowledge thought in school but this doesn't compare to what I knew. I felt a slice of sharp pain as we connected and he was too nervous that he's hurting me.

"It's okay, I'm okay it doesn't hurt me." I whispered looking him in the eye. He pushed his way in and it felt as if we became one. We were closer than we have ever been. I held him and he held me and in that moment I felt something familiar coming back to me. We started to move until the point of release which felt like being pulled away from reality for a minute. "Benio.." he whispered my name like a prayer.

He held me as we sleep covered by the blanket our legs tangled. I don't know if what we did is right but never a second of it that it felt wrong.

"I love you." I whispered as I kiss the tip of his nose before drifting back to sleep.