Merry-Sue: The Girl From BC

Don't Skip The Intro, Otherwise The Story Won't Make Sense

Ah, the introduction. Perhaps the most essential part of a story, especially one as eventful and elaborate and... I'll be honest, really silly, as this one. Seeing as I shall be doing my best to narrate it and you your best as a reader to make sense of it, we should get acquainted. Tell me about yourself.

Well, that was a lovely story! But it's my turn now. One of the most important things you should know is that I am not a big believer in knowledge; and yes, I am mostly referring to school. I am, however, a believer of the things we are not taught. I believe there is so much more out there that we don't, and never will, know.

For example, raise your hand if you study history. Now, tell me, historically,did humans and dinosaurs co-exist in the same time period? Wrong, they did, before a comet wiped out the humans. Let's see if you do better on a different question... Did vampires ever exist outside of scary tales and legends? Rubbish, of course they did! And they were very lovely beings, too. Alright, alright, here's an easy one: which mountain did all the mythical creatures occupy in the BC era? Well, you are very uneducated. But do you see what I mean? Schools never teach you this stuff, because schools don't know! And, if it weren't for the heroine of the story herself, heck, no one would know!

Now, allow me educate you. Once upon a time, like 5000 years ago, there were these three huge mountains somewhere on Earth, occupied by 3 different kingdoms. The one on the far left belonged to all the mythical creatures that have ever existed: fairies, ogres, Gods, you name it. But they were all kinda pretentious and stuck up, and could never agree on who would rule; so the Gods just kinda used their good looks and charm, and by that I mean their Godly powers to force everyone else into submission, to get the throne. They rarely interacted with the other kingdoms and mostly kept to their own secret plans of ruling the Earth. Totally inconspicuous stuff. Which brings us to the one on the far right, the vampire kingdom, ruled by an ancient and pretty weird family. The king's name was Jonson ja te la Jonson (the last name's French), who was a very ill-tempered vampire whose bad side you did not want to see. His son, the heir of the kingdom, Jonson ja te la Jonson Junior (also French) was kind of an idiot. But, it was his incompetence and lack of wit that placed him perfectly onto the spot of Tom's best friend, making the latter the lesser of two evils when they tried to pick up cavegirls. Finally, we've reached the center mountain, whose occupants were primitive humans; not far less intelligent that your modern day humans, really. As you may have guessed, Tom is Merry-Sue's brother and fellow heir. Their parents, Lindana and Bernard, known better as Linda and Bernie, were quite the king and queen; meaning completely useless, which you can probably tell by how advanced all the cave people were (hint: they weren't, hence the term "cave" people). In addition, this was the only kingdom that allowed dinosaurs as household members. Even Merry-Sue herself had one; a baby brachiosaurus by the name of Boris. He was only a few months old but he was still larger than her entire house.

Don't give me that look, it's a legitimate story, I swear.

Oh well, without further adue, let's dive into the actual storyline, shall we? After you.