Merry-Sue: The Girl From BC

A Board Game Gone Ape

It was a typical, pre-historic day on the middle mountain of cave people. It was around august, but many still had to poke their heads through their stick-framed windows to check the weather before emerging. They weren't really aware of the changing of seasons back then and believed winter and summer were just random outbursts of cold and heat strokes the old folkes would complain about.

"Awh man," grunted Tom, sealing back his leopard-skin curtains, "I made a bet with J Junior that it'd be cold today."

"Oh my God, Tom," Merry-Sue groaned, having been involuntarily awoken and bellowed from the neighboring room, "First of all, you don't have to yell, there are literally no doors! And second of all," she went on to say, appearing at his door frame in her fake wolf-fur pajamas (she didn't believe in real fur), "How can you be so stupid as to not realize it's always really warm around this specific time period?"

Tom blinked stupidly, then laughed, "What are you on about little sis? Have you been hanging out with that weird troll thing from the other kingdom again?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. I'm talking about the weather," Merry-Sue rolled her eyes, "By my calculations, the heat is actually reaching its highest magnitude, soon it should begin getting gradually colder... It's like... a season, or something. Oh, I know, I'll name it... sommier!"

"Riiiiiiight," Tom chuckled after a while, having spent a fair chunk of time racking his brain in aid of familiarizing anything his younger sister just uttered, "See, I always knew you were crazy. One of these days, mom and dad are gonna see it too, you know? And then I'll be the official heir again and you'll have to save your dumb inventions for another life." Tom had construed his parents' decision to revoke his title of first heir due to his "delayed advancement of intelligence" ("Those aren't even words!") as a personal offense to his born leader of a character.

"Hey, the shellphone was a brilliant idea!" Merry-Sue retorted in defense, "It was great at distributing information... as long as you were a shouting distance away and there was little to no background noise," she added quickly.

Merry-Sue returned to her room after enduring a painfully awkward conversational pause with her sufficiently ineloquent sibling. Her dinosaur, Boris, had woken up and she could see him wagging his tail dangerously close to the neighboring house through the window. She warned him to stay calm, that she would be out in a minute and that she didn't want any more 'home-wrecking' incidents. Knowing that Boris was a devoted rule breaker, she made sure to throw on her fake leopard-skin dress as quickly as possible and adjusted the large, sparkling white bone of unfamiliar origin into her wild, bushy brown hair on her way out through the window. Merry-Sue was an unfortunately clumsy girl and she would've fallen down those 2 feet from the window frame to the ground had it not been for Boris' swift reflexes to save her life and her hairstyle.

She hoisted herself up to the giant creature's thick neck and fastened her arms around it as best she could. This meant wrapping them almost halfway around it. Boris began a slow and careful descend down the steep mountain towards their usual playground. Merry-Sue's family, as the royal pure-bloods only about half the population doubted they were, owned a fancy pre-historic mansion complete with an actual almost-functioning bathroom and four separate rooms, one for each resident, which resided on the very top of the mountain, along with a handful of other important families. Well, the handful that genuinely did not doubt the royal family's competence, really. From there, it took a good half hour of a very slow descend to reach the bottom. It could take only around 10 minutes, but Boris had learned his lesson from the first few dozen attempts, in which Merry-Sue received a couple traumas, scars and concussions, as well a loss of some quite important teeth and her sense of balance, the inoblique reason supportting her clumsiness.