Be My Eyes

25: What Did You Say?

Iona was definitely angry. She decided she was so angry because she loved him. She had never directly thought about it. But she did, she loved him so much, that all this distance between them was hurting.

It was now way, way over half way through the school year and Iona saw Parker very rarely, although when they did meet it was short and simple. She missed being held in his arms and she missed kissing him to shut him up, she no longer needed to as they barely spoke. Iona still told herself that it was the pressure of college, she knew it was playing a large part...she had just hoped that Parker might have made more of an effort to see her. Clearly she was mistaken.

It was safe to say Iona was miserable and she felt like she was slipping into old ways, like she was becoming the weak, pathetic, shut in that she was after her mother left (the first time).

Iona had quite frankly had enough of it, exams were not far off and she really needed Parker to get through it. Razor had Grace and Tatty seemed just as deeply set in work as Iona. Tatty chose to cope by going out with her 'drinking buddies' and getting smashed, and well Iona had no idea how Parker was coping. She felt utterly, completely alone.

So after college on a Thursday, Iona decided to head to the woods, to clear her mind and to focus on something good. Those woods were a source of many good memories for her, like the first time she met Razor, Tatty and Parker, her's and Parker's first kiss and so many other adventures she had had, bounding through the trees with her friends.

The weather wasn't particularly warm so she pulled her jumper around her for more warmth.

She didnt voice her other hope that she might see Parker here. Iona tried to control her breathing which always seemed out of control lately. She focused on the breeze flowing through the trees, rustling the leaves. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she came to something close to peaceful.

When she reached the large oak tree she saw him and her stomach flipped. There he was, sat on the floor, alone. She had the urge to paint the scene like a sad painting, by a sad person.

Iona said nothing and simply sat down beside him. Neither one of them said a thing for a while. Iona couldnt find the words, she felt exhausted, physically and mentally. She felt sad but also longed for Parker to reach out and wrap himself around her. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to tell him how she felt about him. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him.

Parker spoke first, and very quietly. He said "I'm sorry."

Iona was looking at him now, his eyes were sad and he was staring at the floor as though looking right through it. He seemed so helpless that Iona's entire body ached just to touch him, to comfort him in some way, but she felt she couldn't, or that perhaps she shouldn't.

"I'm sorry for being so silent and distant with you this year...i...i have no excuse for hurting you. I know i have been hurting you...i never meant-"

Iona couldnt hold herself back, she leaned over him, gripping his neck and kissing him. She knew she was crying but she didnt care, she kissed him so deeply she felt like she was falling and Parker was now tightly holding her back. It had been too long but Iona felt the first sense of relief she had felt all year, she felt safe, she felt like she was home.

Parker was first to pull away and Iona didnt wait a second longer. She didnt care what would happen, she just had to say it.

"Parker i love you" she breathed, crying as they looked one another in the eye. Parker's eyes filled with tears and Iona felt her heart break as she waited....waited for what, she didnt know.

Parker suddenly stood up but Iona was frozen in place.

"You can't love me. Don't love someone like me! I will hold you and kiss you in every beautiful place until you can't go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth and...and then i will leave, i will leave and-"

"Wait what?" Iona snapped to her senses, tears now loosely falling down her cheeks as she looked up at Parker. "W-what d-do you mean Leave?" Iona stammered, suddenly terrified, biting at her lip.

"I-i didn't know how to tell you...god i dont even know if i can!"

"Just tell me Parker!" Iona cried, raising her voice, fed up with the tension that had been hanging between them for such a long time. She needed to know what was going on in his mind.

"I'm leaving! I...my...my dad- my dad has- he- oh god i never meant it to happen like this i-" Iona saw something inside him break, like a final piece inside him finally fell loose and he fell back to the floor, he was crying now. Iona had never seen him so, so broken and she felt like her heart was shattering, the shards getting trapped in her ribs, and they were bleeding out inside her.

He took a deep, shaky breath and quickly wiped his face, which just made his cheeks slightly redder than they were before. He seemed calmer as he spoke again "my dad...my real dad. He lives over in New York, at the moment, and he has invited me over to visit and work with him..."

"Well that's good!" Iona said shakily, sitting down beside him, trembling all over.

"His job involves a lot of travel and he wants me to join him..." he continued and Iona felt her heart begin to sink.

"F-for how long?" She hardly dared to ask.

"For a year...probably longer, maybe two..."

Iona took in a sharp intake of breath and looked away from him, trying to fight more tears slicing their way out of her eyes.

"What did you say?" She asked, desperately trying to steady her voice as much as possible, unable to meet his gaze.

"Iona you know that I-"

"What. Did. You. Say?" She asked again, slowly this time, her face burning as she stared at the ground. Parker made a sound as if about to speak but Iona wanted to run, she wanted to break down and rip out her hair, Parker's gaze on her felt like lasers burning through her skin. "What did you say Parker! It's a simple question! It's a simple yes, or no question!" She cried loudly and Parker took a deep breath in, almost reaching out for her and then hesitating before answering.

"I said yes Iona okay! I said Yes!"

Iona closed her eyes, got up and left. He was calling her, saying something but she couldnt hear him over her erratic heart beat as she sobbed. Yes. He said Yes...