Be My Eyes

26: Where Are They Now?

Iona hadn't really moved very far when Parker grabbed her wrist and swung her around.

She was staring at him in confusion, all of her sense was scattered on the floor like broken glass. She was hyperventilating now but she didn't care.

"How long ago did he offer?" Iona cried, not knowing how to calm down. She just couldnt shake the fear that Parker might leave and not come back. She didnt know why he would want to come back! To go travelling with his dad was his all time dream.

"I think you know the answer to that...it wasnt long after we started the second year of college..." Parker said, letting go of Iona's wrist, looking cautious.

"Its been almost a year! I was so worried about you! You idiot! You said yes! How could you?" Iona screamed, hitting him pathetically in her frustration.

"Iona-"

"No! Don't....just...don't" Iona said, holding a hand out, warning him to keep his distance. Parker was staring at her helplessly and she ran. She couldnt stop herself, she ran away, she couldn't bare it. She hadn't expected it, he was leaving and she felt like she had just been hit by a truck.

She fell onto her bed and cried. She cried and cried. Half wishing Parker would run in the door and say he had changed his mind, half wishing she would never see him again. She wanted her dad in that moment, she wanted him to come in and tell her things would be alright but she also knew she would be unlikely to believe him.

She was so angry! So angry because Parker was about to hop on a plane in less than a month and he hadn't thought twice about her. When her dad did come home she ignored him, and he left her alone slightly mournfully as she lay there in bed, motionless.

Both Razor and Tatty messaged her last night, Parker had clearly just told them as well and they were undoubtedly annoyed too, although the majority of their messages were full of concern for Iona.

She didn't want their pity and she didn't want to be one of those girls who thinks their life is over when their boyfriend leaves...but honestly she was starting to remember life before him...and that had not been good! She didn't want to go back to how she used to be: Alone and pathetic...

Two Months Later

He was gone. He had gotten on that stupid plane and left. He was gone. Iona still couldnt quite get her head around it.

She remembered going to the airport, "stop! Dont go!" She had cried upon finding Parker, about to board his plane. She had pleaded and he had hugged her and said "You shouldn't be here...it just makes this harder"

But most of all she remembered how he had turned to her right before walking on to the plane, and said "I love you"

Iona had barely even made it through her exams and she dreaded the results because she was hoping to get onto a Teacher Training course. That, and her tedious job was all she had to focus on. Razor and Grace had broken up not long after Parker had taken off, for reasons Razor hadn't shared with either Iona or Tatty and Tatty had had several on and off flings with a few guys and girls. At the moment she was 'dating' a girl called Alisha but Iona doubted it would last. Iona rarely ever even met Tatty's flings and Razor (though he never said so) seemed to look down on such relationships.

One good thing was that Iona's dad had finally got a new job, with less hours and a higher pay. Now that Iona was turning 18 later that year, she looked after herself a lot more and was glad to see a visible effect on her dad due to the reduced financial pressure. She was glad that she got to see a lot more of him, and had tried to ignore her anguish at life in general during their celebratory dinner for his new job, because it hadn't been about her.

She had been looking foward to the end of college because she had assumed Parker's distancing would stop, of course Parker had shattered that hope 2 months ago...

Now she just sat in the woods, leaning against a random tree, looking out at the river. In her hand she held a book she hadn't read in a while, 'In the Autumn'. She remembered reading it...she remembered Parker kissing her for the first time, and she remembered making comparisons from time to time of the couple in the book to Parker and herself. The girl died in the end...and the boy was driven to madness.

Iona grabbed the book as tightly as possible and threw it into the river, listening to it hit the water with a splash. She didn't feel better but she remembered how they had found that book in the river, which got her to wondering if it had ended up there by the poor reader out of their frustration for the ending.

As she sat there and hours turned to days, turned to weeks of visiting that very spot she started to fully understand the saying : "The lonely moments just get lonlier, the longer you're in love".

She often thought about what Parker was doing, if he missed her...at all, and if he was having fun, she hoped a little bit of both applied. They hadn't made any agreements about staying in touch, and neither one of them did, Iona didnt know if it were the same for Parker and Tatty, or Razor.

But for Iona it was like he had just disappeared from existence, as if she had never even met him. It had happened so quickly that even now, she was still processing it, over 3 months later.

Soon her life kicked into motion as she recieved her grades, relieved at the A in English and B in maths, beyond that she didn't care for her grade in anything else! Soon after she was accepted onto a two year teacher training course.

Iona's entire life changed (again), she started wearing more formal attire, appropriate for her course and got her hair cut shorter so it fell just past her shoulders instead of hanging messily around her hips.

After her first day on the course, she met with Tatty for a girl's dinner out. Her hair was hanging straight, dyed various shades of purple. Over the past couple of years her face had thinned out and she now had fairly defined cheek bones which made her look much more her age, if not, slightly older.

"So how's the course?" Tatty exclaimed, bubbly as usual now she had recovered from the hell that was college and Parker's departure, which had hit them all pretty hard (she knew it still hurt, for all of them).

"It was really interesting, i met some really cool people but it's so terrifying, it all feels so grown up and i dont think i am ready to be an adult!" Iona admitted, with a gentle laugh and Tatty raised her cocktail.

"I second that! To never growing up!" She said and Iona tapped her own glass against Tatty's before they both took a large sip of their cocktails as if they could drown their troubles at the bottom of the pitcher.