Be My Eyes

28. To Forget

Though Iona struggled with the concept of letting Parker go, she tried to put it into action and put all her effort into her first year of Teacher Training.

"Just have a drink with me" Jake said with a grin at the end of the last session for the year. Iona didn't feel she had come far at all in her personal life throughout this year and not much had been looking up. She had been ignoring Jake's frequent offers to buy her dinner that had started over two months ago.

She couldn't pin point why she was refusing, perhaps it scared her or perhaps she felt Jake had other intentions than to just be friends...

"Jake-"

"Oh come on dont say no! We survived our first year on the course! Just to celebrate, you look like you could use some time to unwind" he said and Iona knew he was right, so bizarrely she found herself nodding.

"Do you want me to come? I can come and make sure he doesnt try anything shifty" Tatty exclaimed that evening when Iona was getting ready to meet Jake, at her house. Tatty had come over so Iona could voice her worries about the evening, although Tatty had been of little help.

"No, he's a nice guy! We're good friends..." Iona said, shifting the position of her dress slightly before letting out a frustrated groan. "God do i look okay? I'm not used to this...i dont go out drinking! And i feel like i barely know him!" She sighed.

Tatty tilted her head and gave her friend a pitying look "you look gorgeous and you just said you two are good friends. Just let your hair down...or whats left of it...and relax!" Tatty said, Iona laughed at her comment about the hair, knowing that Tatty wasn't keen on her shorter hair style.

Later that evening Jake arrived to pick her up and they walked to the resturant/bar. "You look lovely" he said as the walked slowly in the dimming light.

"Thank you." Iona said awkwardly, staring down at her feet.

She didnt relax until a reasonable amount of alcohol had entered her system and she began bombarding Jake with questions as if they were on a game show (though she wasnt aware she was doing it at the time)

"Ha! You said um! Drink!" Iona cried, taking a shot as Jake downed the rest of his beer. They were playing some kind of drinking game that Iona wasn't sure had any actual rules! It was already late but Iona had lost track of time and she knew a hangover would be in store for tomorrow morning.

"You werent supposed to drink!" Jake slurred, pointing and laughing. Iona shrugged as she giggled in her drunken state. "Wow, you are really out of it, let me take you home!" Jake insisted.

He ended up having to pull her from the bar and walk her back to her house, practically swung over his shoulders.

Iona laughed to herself as she fumbled with her key in the lock and Jake kept her steady buy keeping hold of her the entire time. He ended up taking her all the way to her room as they swayed down the hall, bumping into corners as Iona regrettably lead the way.

"Off to bed you go" Jake said, half shoving and half gently laying the wriggling Iona onto her bed. Once lying down she stretched her body out and sighed before falling straight to sleep.

The following morning she felt like shit. She couldnt even remember how she appeared in her room. She stumbled downstairs, gripping her head as she looked for pain killers. After downing some she noticed a note on the kitchen table, assuming her dad had written it, she went to read it.

It wasnt from her dad. It said "had a great time! Must do it again - Jake"

"Oh crap!" Iona grumbled to herself, cringing at her own behaviour from the night before as it slowly came back to her. Jake had had to walk her home she had been so wasted. God she felt terrible.

Then her phone rang, it was Jake. "Hello" she said groggily and she heard a chuckle from his side of the line.

"Good morning! Feeling a bit rough?" Jake said perkily.

"How are you okay?" She groaned.

"Well it seems i didnt drink as much as you"

"Oh god i tottaly embarrassed myself and you never want to talk to me ever again" Iona moped, feeling intensely embarrassed and ashamed with herself, she just wanted to become part of the furniature.

"No, no not at all...well perhaps slightly but I had a lot of fun and would definitely like to see you again..."

The conversation didnt last much longer as Iona had to excuse herself to be sick. She conveniently timed this as her dad woke up and exited his bedroom.

He said nothing and headed downstairs with a knowing smile on his lips. Iona was too shocked to be annoyed, she had half expected a lecture. When she questioned him about it later, all he said was "i can't control you! You're an adult know!" Which did not help Iona's mood at all.

.....

During Iona's short break in her course she found herself slip into a routine. Instead of staying home to read, to catch up on TV or to work, she started to go out more with Tatty and her various dates. Iona even found herself included in several one night stands with guys she had just met that night. She let the alcohol consume her and she never argued when a guy wanted to buy her a drink.

She saw Jake a few more times but they avoided alcohol mostly. She wouldn't say she was addicted, just that she had almost lost the will to care.

Her problem was remembering too much! She remembered every inch of Parker's body, his visible ribs and the freckles that lined the right side of his jaw line. She remembered how his hair felt trapped between her fingers and worst of all she craved to feel that again. The alcohol helped because she needed to forget and soon enough, even when sober, the memory of Parker sat, blurred and distant at the back of her mind. Like a silhouette at the end of a dark tunnel, still there but unrecognizable.

She felt more at peace, and learned to ignore the ache she felt for him, although it never truly left her. She never truly forgot but for the moment, it was enough. Almost.