Hollow || Gruvia

one;

"Juvia, you're always focused on me. Don't you have any goals for yourself?"

His deep, raspy voice resounded in my head, a bitter-sweet reminder of my irrationality. I pursed my lips, knowing my incapability of providing a response.

He's always been rejecting me, but I never cared. I didn't mind him thinking I was a nuisance or even annoying. I just wanted to be loved by him. A simple, but heart-wrenching dream. I was always teased by others. They'd say I was blindly in love. I never took them seriously.

"Don't you have any goals for yourself?"

I wasn't blindly in love, I was blind to myself. It didn't take me long to realise it. Yet, I continued.

I changed my appearance countless times to suit him. I was pretty sure the rumours about his type of girl were false but I changed regardless. He likes curly hair? Done.

I thought that if he paid even the slightest amount of attention to me, I would be happy. He likes less clothes? Done. I thought that my happiness was dependant on his approval, on every word that laced his tongue. Not once did I think otherwise. Not once did I think for myself.

"Don't you have any goals for yourself?"

I changed myself, even though a small part of me was always ashamed. Ashamed of being a puppet to my feelings, to my identity. I always thought it was a small price to pay for his love.

I didn't have any goals, ambitions or even dreams. I focused on him solely, the only remnant of my identity, but ironically the reason I lost it. Well, that's if I even had one. I can't even remember anymore. Gloomy, perhaps?

So when he asked me that question with such sincerity, I had no reply.

When did I become like this?

I'm hollow.

- J

•••

She's always been walking beside me. I wonder why? Every time I stare into her passionate, starry-eyed gaze, I can feel a gentle warmth but also a gelid wintery hush - a bittersweet reminder of my fate, sullied by a curse that steals my loved ones.

Just being with her, I feel protected and yet at the same time, vulnerable. Her touch gives me a hint of happiness and at the same time, a wealth of sadness.

"Juvia, you're always so focused on me. Don't you have any goals for yourself?"

So, when I uttered such cruel words, it was not out of hatred, but love. I thought that I would eventually lose her too. Just watching her from afar would be enough for me. Just seeing her vibrant smile illuminate the place - I had confided to that very idea. Even if that smile wasn't for me.

Yet I felt a soul-crushing regret fall upon me as I fixed my gaze onto hers. No matter I say, no matter how cruel I am, she always retains her passion, her strength.

So, why this time, was I met with such a terrifying emptiness?

More terrifying than that, why did I feel the same?

I wonder why I do this to myself. For how long will I have to suppress my true feelings?

I always hide behind this shroud.

I'm hollow.

- G