Hollow || Gruvia

ten;

❝I've worn this mask for so long,
I can't tell who I am beneath it.❞

I need to tell her.

No, I want to tell her. But what will she think?

As usual, those are the only thoughts ringing through my head, every fibre of my selfish being.

"Juvia, you came!", I heard a voice chime. It could only be hers.

She's always smiling for me. The least I can do is return the favour.

"Thanks to you.", I replied.

My voice must've seemed sombre, or maybe she noticed the tinge of tiredness in my expression but her smile faded immediately, leaving an awkward silence hanging over us. "I'm sorry.", she said.

Her voice was steeped with guilt, like it was woven into her very existence.

But, for what? I am the one in the wrong.

"I know you're not ready, and I'm selfishly dragging you here again."

Selfishly? You've got this all wrong. All this time, I've been going back and forth, treating you like dirt. What's the point of claiming that I care about you when I can't even show it?

"No."

You didn't do anything.

"Stop."

It's all my fault.

She just stared at me as the silence thickened. She was expecting a response, but I didn't have one. No, rather I didn't want to give one. I was still scared of revealing my instability, of revealing his place in my heart. I was scared of what I'd say, that I'd shift the blame on her to protect my brittle foundations, my fragility.

"Juvia, I-", she tried to speak, but when she saw the conflict written all over my expression, she stopped. My soul felt brittle under the overwhelming pressure, ready to snap at any moment. I was so weak. So pathetically weak.

She just stared right at me, her calming blue gaze full of unease, knowing that I needed her and at the same time, didn't. That I was just an empty shell of a person, seeking help that I wasn't willing to accept. She knew it all. And yet, as she tirelessly tries to save me from drowning, I continue to hold my breath.

No.

"Let's just move on from this.", she smiled, grabbing my arm to lead me into the lecture hall.

I can't do this anymore.

I released myself from her grip, causing her to turn around abruptly.

"I want to dream, Lucy. Like you."

The words escaped my lips so easily, like an unconscious thought. My voice was assured, even though I felt like paper inside. I just couldn't bear with it any longer, repressing my feelings and letting the fear take over. She furrowed her eyebrows a bit, confused for a moment but she could tell this was genuine. She could tell that I had wounded myself.

Tears followed, one by one, dripping and soaking the floor. Years worth of insecurity overflowing over one measly sentence, that although may seem small at glance, is greater than you could ever imagine.

She just looked at me, speechless. Her gaze dropped to the floor for a couple of seconds before she lifted it up again.

"Juvia, you told me you were hollow that day. I think I understand what you meant now.", she began.