Caraphernelia

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by soysawce

by soysawce

(Your P.O.V)

|Trigger Warning: Cutting|

I woke up, 10:11 was the time.
"Oh Shit I slept in I'm late for-"
I stopped myself. I don't have to work today. "FUCK YEAH"
I quickly covered my mouth and poked my head out the window, my mom and Rob's cars were gone. Phew. It's Thursday so they probably won't be back until the weekend. Probably went out partying or to start getting drunk or some bullshit. "ITS NOT LIKE I EXSIST OR ANYTHING!" I yelled to no one. Just then my cat came up the stairs "Oh Hi Mufasa." "mraow" was what I got in response. "same." I replied to my cat's remark, walking down the stairs.

(A\N: No it doesn't make you crazy if you reply to your cat, it's a sign of recognition. I'm nOT MENTAL)

I grabbed an apple from the kitchen. and decided I wanted to shower. I turned it on and while I was waiting for it to heat up, I hooked my Bluetooth speaker up to my phone. and pressed shuffle. "Holding On To You" was what came up first. I stripped and stepped into the shower.

"I Bet a lot of me was lost,
T's uncrossed and I's undotted,
I fought it a lot
and it seems like flesh is all I got,
not anymore flesh out the door SWAT!"
I swatted the shampoo off the shelf while rapping loudly, as the shampoo hit the ground I got a loud disapproving yell from Mufasa. I poked my head out to see my cat sitting on the toilet seat looking at the shampoo bottle on the ground. I sang louder.
"And now that I write,
and think about it and the story unfolds,
you should take my life,
you should take my soul."
I get to go to a Twenty One Pilots concert tomorrow I thought to myself. and they've helped me through so much. oh my god. Maybe they will remember me?
Nah, even my mom isn't good at that.
Nothing important about me to even remember, a tear fell from my eye.
The thoughts over took me, and I ended up sitting in the shower crying.
"Why do you hate me?
"I miss dad too you know, it's not your fault or my fault he died. What is your fault is you let those fucking bottles take over your life, those bottles cut me out of your life and you replaced that empty space with Rob. I miss you mom, please, come back." I cried talking to no one.

I was awfully lonely. I didn't have friends, I had Mufasa, but other than that all I had was a mother who I'm pretty sure didn't even love me anymore. I talk to myself sometimes but everyone does, just things off my conscience. I don't have imaginary friends or anything. But when you don't have anyone to talk to you would go a bit crazy too.

I finally turned off the shower and wiped the foggy mirror and looked at myself. I'm ugly, I'm fat,

I'm never going to be anything more than this stupid town.

I sat down on the cold floor in my towel and made sure Mufasa was out and I locked the door. I grabbed one of my hidden blades from inside the cupboard under the sink.

I stared at it.

It's only a mental illness.
It's only a mental illness.

I repeated.

I wish I was with my Dad.
I don't want to be here.

I Cut 1..2...3..4..8..10..16 times on my thighs. I heard Mufasa scratching at the door and meowing, he scared me, I dropped the blade and cleaned myself up. I put the razor back in the cupboard and unlocked the door. I looked at my cat and he meowed and rubbed up against my leg. I smiled sadly at him and got dressed.

I put on my PTV shirt and my black ripped skinny jeans. My hair was fading so I decided to re-dye it. I barely wear makeup anymore, so I just put up my hair, grabbed my wallet, keys and phone and went to buy some hair dye. I picked out a dark blue hair dye, darker than what it was last time and kept browsing. I found a few other things I liked, I bought some clothes and makeup, I wanted to look nice for the concert tomorrow. After I paid for it all, I went home and was pretty bored so I went looking through some of my old photos. After a while I found an old photo I barely recognized. I saw myself with purple hair, and Josh and Tyler. Holy Hell this was from so long ago. the first concert I think. I put on my bedside table I'll definitely have to show that to them tomorrow, maybe then they will remember me.