Amnesia

F O U R

E S M E

"Hey. Hey. Its okay. Breathe." CALUM says running my back.

How the hell did I get here?

"It's okay." he whispers. Its not okay. I can't tell him. He will leave me.

Once I had calmed down, Calum looked to me, he shifted so he could face me.

"Can you tell me why you chose not to talk." He looked down and fiddled with his fingers and I grabbed my phone.

' I can't. It hurts to much. It makes me even more depressed. Calum.... I have a question for you...'

I handed him my phone and he read it. As he handed it back, he told me to type what the question was.

'How do I become happy? And not feel like I don't deserve happiness and love?'

He looked at my phone. It felt like hours, and he just stared at it. He didn't type, he didn't look at me, nothing.

"Esme. You gotta surround yourself with people that make all the shit in your head go away. Then, time will heal you and you'll be happy." I nodded and grabbed my phone.

'What makes you happy?'

"Family. My sister Mali. Ashton, Luke, and Michael. Even if Michael and Luke aren't friends. They all make me happy no matter what." he smiles. I nod and grab my phone.

'What if someone who makes me less sad....

Is you?"

Calum stared at me.

Is he just gonna look at me? Why won't he say anything.

I started to pick up my phone but he slowly moved and tossed to the floor.

"What?" he asked, his voice sounding strained.

I sat there and didn't move. He wanted me to talk.

"Esme." I looked down and shook my head.

"Okay. Well I guess I should go now." he sighs. I watch him get up and walk to the door.

He gave me one look and grabbed the handle.

Something inside me twisted and I just blurted words out.

"Calum stop. Please don't leave me." my voice was quiet. I didn't sound anything like these guys, Calums face was absolutely frozen.

"You-what the hell?" he stood against the wall and I looked down. I knew that was a dumb idea.

"Come here." he said sadly.

"I want Ashton." I sqeaked.

He nodded and left.

A few minutes later Ashton walks in and sits by me.

"Calum knows."I whispered. I liked talking. I hated using my phone. But I hated my voice...

"How?" Ashton asked looking worried.

"He asked me what makes me happy, well less sad and depressed... And I told him that he did. It's true. He calms me down when I have panic attacks. And I feel safe with him. And you. And the 2 other guys." I said quickly.

"I hate not talking. I wanna be happy. I wanna get better Ash." I say on the verge of tears.

"I'm getting the boys." he stood up and left. Oh God. What did I just get myself into?

I groaned as I lay back on my bed.

They are gonna think my voice is ugly. It sounds like a guys voice. That's probably why Calum didn't respond.