I Hate You, but I Love You!

Chapter 10: My Mr. Tutor - Coffee J!

I walked to my car and got in the front seat. I sat there for a while, reflecting on what just occurred. He had wanted to tutor me? TUTOR me? Where the hell did that even come from? I banged my head lightly on the steering wheel, as if trying to knock the thoughts out of my head. Ugh, I just acted as if I was some kind of weird mute. What the hell was wrong with me?

I sat in my car for a while, just thinking about everything. When I calmed down eventually I started the car.

Aside from everything, now that Brian had brought up the subject of tutors I was having issues accepting that maybe I did need a tutor. Not him, though. Definitely not him. But someone. Someone who could actually make me see sense through all the numbers and formulas.

As I drove I tried to think about everything but what just happened. It didn't really work, but I refused to stop trying. When my efforts led me nowhere, I cranked up the radio so that my car was vibrating with the sound.

As I was stupidly singing along to "I Believe I Can Fly" (don't judge - I was trying to keep my mind off of things) a realisation suddenly hit me. I was close to failing Calculus. If I didn't do something about my grade, I was going to fail. I actually needed some kind of help for this stupid class. Most certainly not Brian, but oh god. How much did tutors even cost? I tried not to focus on that too much and attempted to reassure myself that I would find someone who would do it for really cheap. Like really, really cheap. I swallowed and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. Like really, really, really cheap.

I sighed and changed the radio station, no longer sure if "I believed I could fly".

"25$ an hour, take it or leave it."

I was talking to some nerd whose number I found on the college website. This was the fourth nerd I've spoken to, and so far 18$ an hour and a hand job was the best offer yet. I wanted to cry.

"Listen, I'm literally hanging by a thread here. I'm barely passing. I mean barely. I don't have 25$ to pay you every session. Please can you reconsider?" The desperation in my tone sounded so pathetic, even to me.

"Lady, that's the best I can offer you. Sorry."

He sounded like he was trying to pass off as being professional. Meanwhile he was probably currently sitting at his desk taping his fingers on the table waiting to finish this tedious conversation so he could go back to playing World of Warcraft.

I let out a breath. "Okay. Thanks anyway."

"Yup." He said and hung up.

I blew my hair out of my face. My hair was probably crazy with all the humidity. I ruffled it and tied it up using the elastic on my wrist. I ran my hands along my face and glared at my Calculus textbook. I imagined lighting it on fire and throwing it out my window.

For a moment I considered actually calling Brian but almost punched myself for it. No, I would not call him. I didn't need his help. I didn't even have his number.

Suddenly an idea came to mind and my stomach dropped. Well, I guess there was always James. He was incredible in school and I'm sure that he took Advanced Calculus and got above 90 in it.

I weighed my options. So I had James on one side, and Brian on the other. I'd already established with myself that I wasn't going to call Brian. So, James it was.

I gulped and looked at my phone. James was still a friend...right? Even though he had feelings for me and we made out two weeks ago. I crinkled my nose. This was not a good idea. This was definitely not a good idea. This was going to turn out very awkward, whether he accepted or didn't.