I Hate You, but I Love You!

Chapter 20: Could Brian Possibly make me Happy?

I stood unmoving in the pouring water for a moment, my dream coming back to me.

That was the worst kind of dream. The type of dream that made me remember the good times I had in my old life. The type of dream that made me remember what Jason had destroyed.

I closed my eyes. I could feel my heart clenching at the thoughts. Pain coursed through me as I remembered looking into his copper eyes on the rooftop of that old shed. I wished the water would take away the memories along with it down the drain.

I finished showering and wrapped the towel around me and another around my head. I stepped out of the tub and wiped my wet feet on the towel on the floor.

I wiped the mirror of the fog and rested my hands on the sink. Looking into the reflection, I let out a deep breath. My dark brown eyes looked strained, the gaze too intense. The usual deep black circles surrounded them, with my mouth relaxed into a slight frown and my kept eyebrows furrowed.

I inhaled as I straightened myself up and rubbed my hands over my face. It's amazing how prominent stress can be on one's face. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, it was one stubborn thing. I think I already had some forehead wrinkles forming. I had come to accept that my face would start wrinkling and white hairs would surface before the age of 25.

With that thought I started wondering how people managed to look young at like, 45. Happiness probably had something to do with that. Someone once told me that being happy is the key to living a long and healthy life. That stuck with me, because, essentially, my ultimate goal in life was to be happy and successful.

I started getting dressed. I started thinking about the last time I felt happy. Surely it'd had been a while. I wasn't even sure if I even knew what living happily even meant.

Brian's face suddenly popped into my mind. Huh. Random. Could Brian possibly make me happy? Was I happy last night, when I was with him at the diner?

No, I realized, I wasn't. Not happy, per say. But it wasn't a bad emotion either. It was...confusing. Strange. I was nervous and excited at the same time, confused yet intrigued.

The thought of last night caused my cheeks to go red. I felt my heart flutter. I bit my lip and shook my head, pulling my sweater over my head.

Last night had been strange. Having a conversation with him had been strange. The fact that I had enjoyed myself, that I presently found myself craving more, was strange.

And oh god. I told him that we should do it again. What the hell was wrong with me?

Here I was telling myself that I didn't like him, and there I was saying stuff like that. Seriously, what was wrong with me?

Letting out a breath, I looked into the mirror again and picked up my toothbrush. God, the way his eyes had watched me...with that same taunting, seductive expression. The way he was always so relaxed, so amused at everything. His charm, his intelligence, his humour, the way women basically threw themselves at him...

I sucked in a breath as I shook my head at myself again. Everything still made no sense. From the free tutoring, to picking me up from my broken car to deciding to fix it for free. What kind of guy just does that?

I thought of different scenarios and reasons in my head as I brushed my teeth and hair. I found myself frustrated by the time I was ready to leave the bathroom.

When I walked out, Clair was sitting on her bed, fully dressed and ready. She looked up and her face contorted, worry written all over her expression.

"Chloe-"

I sucked in a breath, cutting her off. I didn't want to talk about this anymore and I didn't know how to make it clearer. Instead, I just looked at her and said, "Clair, please. I over-reacted. It was just...a bad day. A bad time. I didn't mean to worry or bother you so honestly it's okay. I'm okay. Stop apologizing."

She bit her tongue and furrowed her eyebrows. I felt the awkward, out-of-place silence as I got my stuff ready. Pretending not to notice, I threw my bag over my shoulder and looked at her. "Ready to go?"

"I just have to brush my teeth." She got up and brushed past me to the bathroom. I leaned against the wall as I waited, taking out my phone to keep myself distracted.

I heard her footsteps as she picked up her bag from the floor. I looked up and put my phone back in my pocket, when I noticed her staring at me intently.

"So -"

"Does it make you uncomfortable that I was worried about you?" She suddenly asked, her eyes questioning yet confused.

I stopped. "What?" She continued staring at me, pressing me to answer her question. I sighed and ruffled my hair, the uncomfortable atmosphere settling around us. "No, Clair. I appreciate it. But seriously, I'm a big girl. I can handle myself. Now let's go get our coffee before class starts."