Stockholm Syndrome (Frerard)

19: Diluted

media: bye Frank

Gerard's been in his room for an hour now. I wasn't sure if he was still on the phone or not but I didn't wanna risk interrupting him if he was. I knew that phone call meant a lot to him, he hasn't spoken to his brother in years from what it seems. I muted the tv to see if he was still talking, and I heard no voices. I got up off the couch and slowly walked to Gerard's bedroom door, pressing my ear against it. When I heard nothing, I raised my hand and knocked softly. There was a quiet 'come in' shortly after.

I entered the room and went around to sit on the bed. Gerard was sitting at his desk sketching in his sketchbook, and he hadn't even said hello to me. I sighed as I watched him scribble away, before clearing my throat.

"Was that your brother?" I asked, knowing full well that it was him, but I asked just to get him talking.

"Yup," Was all he said, as he continued to draw. I had no idea what he was drawing, and it occurred to me that I've never even see his art before. I stood up slowly and looked over his shoulder, only getting a glimpse of what he had put down on the paper before he shut his sketchbook. I took a step away, worried that I had offended him.

"Sorry I-" I started before he turned around in his spinning chair, facing me, sketchbook on his lap. His eyes were slightly red, but I didn't even want to begin to think that it was from crying. It wouldn't surprise me if he was. "Are you okay?"

"Do you wanna know what he said to me?" Gerard spoke through his teeth, but I couldn't tell if it was from anger or heartbreak. I nodded slightly, sitting down on the bed again, still facing him. "He said... he..." He was growing rapidly uneasy, and I could physically see the anger turn into despair. He leaned forwards and put his head in his hands, letting out a choked sob. I sat there wide-eyed, just staring at him. What was I supposed to do? I shakily raised my hand and placed it on his back, trying to sooth him by rubbing small circles.

"Wh- what did he say, Gerard?" I asked, speeding up the process because the sooner he got it out, the sooner he wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. He took a deep breath, drying his eyes with his sleeve before sitting up half-straight again, but still leaned forwards slightly. His nose had taken a flushed tone now, and he sniffled. He wouldn't look at me.

"I'll just... I'll start from the beginning." He said, and I reached forwards and held his hand in mine to help him along. "So... the first thing he asked was where I was, if I was alright, and what was going on. I told him I was doing okay and that I've been uh, staying with this guy... and that we have a date soon." The corner of his mouth turned up unto a half smile, but he continued to look down at our hands rather than at me. "I couldn't tell him your name... I didn't want him to know i'm still doing what I do. But It was going alright, I caught up on his life, he talked about school, friends, this girl named Kristin from art class... And then he asked why I haven't called him or came home in the past few years." The smile faded from his lips again.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, and he was hesitant to answer.

"Well at first I told him I thought he was still mad at me for what I did... And he said um, he said... 'That was years ago Gee, I don't hold grudges'... So then I told him... I-" he sighed again. "Y'know he's my little brother... Even if he hated me he wouldn't tell another soul. So I uh, I told him I was still doing it." He stared coldly at the floor now, subconsciously squeezing my hand.

"It's good that you told him the truth..." I implied. I wish I knew what he was going through. I've never had a sibling or a long time childhood friend to lose. I just wish I could relate to him, tell him I understand, and maybe even give advice. I was fucking helpless here.

"I wish I hadn't." He spoke through gritted teeth again, just how he started. "He told me he couldn't even call me his brother. We were talking and we were fine, I thought everything was gonna be okay with him again. And then I had to open my fucking mouth."