Stockholm Syndrome (Frerard)

20: Search and Destroy

Media: Frank and Gerard

It wasn't a long wait.

Gerard was out of his room in no longer than ten minutes, slipping his small black cellphone into his pocket as he made his way back to the living room where I sat. He looked content, yet remnants of his previous episode still clung to his features. He looked paler than usual, lips pinker and eyes bloodshot and slightly more swollen than he would normally look. It was subtler than it had been when I first walked back into the house, but evidence that he had cried was still there. He sat down on the leather couch beside me, a small smile plastered to his soft rose colored lips.

"So?" I asked, eager to see what he had to say about his conversation with his brother. He crossed his ankle over his knee, letting out a breath through his nose, worrying me slightly.

"So... he um. I told him I was done... I told him that I wanted my brother back."

"And what did he say?" I prompted.

"He said... if I was willing to to quit what I do and stick with it, he'd uh... try to forgive me." He explained.

"And that's a good thing, right?"

"I wouldn't expect anything else." He sighed. I could tell he was a little disappointed that Mikey hadn't completely one hundred percent accepted his plea. But he was right, you couldn't really expect anything else.

"At least he's willing to try. I doubt he's mad about what you did, it's that you chose it over him for so long." I tried, looking at him seriously. He let another breath out of his nose, and turned to me.

"I'm sorry I almost did something stupid..."

I scoffed. "I thought Gerard Way didn't apologize?" I questioned, recalling what he said once weeks ago.

"Zero doesn't apologize. and Zero doesn't cry either." He laughed. "But you know what?"

"hm?"

"I killed that motherfucker." That brought a smile to my face. I was the one kid that could change him. Not even Mikey could.

"That's the only type of murder I can accept." I replied, smile still clinging to my lips like static. "That guy was an asshole."

"An asshole with a purpose." He corrected, and I just nodded. I sighed then, letting my mind wander as we both fell into silence again.

I couldn't help but wonder where my dad's note went. I didn't even know if I wanted it. It was kinda killing me not knowing, though. It could say anything. It could say 'My son's an asshole' but it could also say 'I can't live without him.' I just needed to know. I don't know if I could handle either of those. If it was the former, it would eat me up inside. Knowing that what I was wondering my whole life was true. My dad never loved me.

But if it was the latter, I think it would be worse. I'd feel so selfish. If he loved me all along and all I did was doubt him. I mean... I can't really blame the abuse on him right? It was the drugs. I don't even know if he knew he was doing it. He would get high, beat me up, come down, and he'd act like it never happened. Maybe he didn't know. That never makes it okay, though. But the fact that he would end his life over the fact that I could be dead would make me feel like shit. All I did was hate him.

Hopefully it had nothing to do with me. Maybe he was just unsatisfied with what he was doing and how he was living. He could always just pull a Gerard and flip it around but no... He just wanted out. Either way, I just really hope that was the case. It would prove he's smart enough to know that his living style was unhealthy. It was kinda contradicting the way he solved that, though.