novacane | griezmann

20 // ELLIOTT

"Guess I was dreaming
I wore my heart on my sleeve
And when the rain came pouring down,
You were so far out of reach."

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I entered class the next day feeling exhausted; I'd been up all night completing my homework, but it was mainly thoughts of Antoine which plagued my mind. After hearing him tell the story about Erika, I'd felt a rollercoaster of emotions.

The first one I felt was that maybe this was why he'd been treating me so poorly; because, of course, something so terrible had happened to him. But then I decided that it was no excuse, for Antoine had known me longer than he did Erika.

Then, after a few more thoughts ran through my head, I concluded that maybe Antoine did need someone to love him. But the thing was that people did love Antoine; his sister, his brother, his parents. And, again, I'd loved him longer than Erika had, simply because I'd known him longer. So, evidently, love didn't really seem to be the best solution.

But something has to give, I thought. And I didn't really know how to figure out what that thing was. My heart pumped anxiety through my veins as my eyes found his in the classroom despite the fact that, on this particular day, everyone seemed to be staring at me.

Relax, Elliott, I thought. Wow, so now I call myself Elliott now? Shaking my head, I thought again. Relax, Valentine. You're wearing a tight dress and heels—besides, you got a haircut last night. God, what was I thinking, wearing something like this? The dress was navy blue and casually tight, but despite it being knee-length—maybe even further—it didn't change the fact that it still sultrily hugged onto my curvy figure for dear life. In my defense, I threw on the first thing I saw this morning the moment I woke up.

Shaking my head slightly, I hugged onto my books before moving over to my seat. Antoine turned around and stared at me. For a few moments, I tried to ignore his gaze, but eventually it was too powerful—I looked down at him and spoke. "Could you stop staring at me?"

"You haven't answered any of my texts...or calls..." Antoine looked just as exhausted as I did, if not more. In fact, I didn't think I'd actually ever seen him look genuinely terrible until now.

"I'm sorry. It's because I turned my phone off." I responded, honestly. "I couldn't focus."

"On what?"

"My homework."

Antoine frowned. "How can you just pretend that nothing happened yesterday, Elliott? You told me you had to think."

"Well, I did."

"And?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, Antoine. I don't think I can stop loving you, but that doesn't mean I can't wish it's possible."

I watched Antoine's face fall before he turned back around, leaving guilt to pit itself in my stomach. When the class ended, he took my hand from behind and forced me to turn around. "Please decide whats best for you," He croaked. "If you don't love me anymore, I need you to let me go for good."

I pulled my hand out of his. Antoine swallowed. "Look, Antoine, I do love you. It's just different."

"Then just tell me what I have to do. Please, I'll do anything." He stepped along with me as I attempted to step around him, leaving me to grunt.