all I wanted; ministar (discont.)

06

"Earth to Vikk?" Lachlan's thinning accent rang into my ears. It was sharp and lacked empathy. Great attitude to begin a recording.
"I'm sorry- what were you saying?" He deeply sighed.
"What game are we going to record?"
"Umm I don't care, Rob you can choose."
"What's got you so preoccupied Vikk, you seem to constantly in a haze."
"I think-I think its-"
"Simon," Lachlan uttered, the malicious intend clear with only the one word. The call got quiet very quickly. No one wanted to burst the bubble of silence.
"I was going to say my medication dosage has been updated but thank you Lachlan for always taking the piss," tension grew when we were supposed to all be friends, apart of a group.
"Guys please, just fucking put on a smile and stop this. I'm behind on recordings and you both promised to help. So are you going to stop bitching?" Lachlan and I muttered agreements.
"Okay then. Open Overwatch and pretend you love each other."
----
Half way through the second video Simon walked in my room, we were waiting between rounds but it was still odd. He knew better than to interpret me during to my recordings.
"hey.." he muttered snaking his lanky arms around me.
"Guys, gimme a second."
"What does your bf want a quickie?"
"Shut up," I joked masking my anger.
"You're just mad it isn't you Lachlan," Rob sneered. I didn't feel like listening to the shit talking, I slid my headphones off, then muted my mic.
"I'm leaving into town in about 20 minutes. Some last minute shit with a network, I won't be back till late tomorrow.
"Alright, thanks." I was just about to return but he held onto my hand, bracing me whatever was next.
"And.. Josh is out with Freya. You're going to be alone.." I paused digesting the situation. He saw the look on my face.
"I could call them back right now and ca-"
"No, I'll be okay.. If anything happens I'll call you," he kissed my forehead.
"I love you."
Before I resumed the call I watched him leave, wondering how I was going to survive without him.
----
I recorded two more videos with the guys. I was having fun but my mind couldn't stop thinking about Si.
"Vikk fucking pay attention, we need to escort the payload," Right I was still recording.
"S-sorry," I muttered. We finished the competitive round and just started talking.
"So Vikk, how are you and Simon doing?" Rob asked.
"All is good so far, he's actually out till tomorrow. Some network thing called late."
"They only wanted Simon. Aren't you guys partnered together?"
"Yea they only called him.." I hadn't thought about that. It was usually group thing when the companies called.
"What if he just needs a break? Wanted to go somewhere by himself but not hurt your feelings.." Why would he need a break? To get away from me? Am I that much of a liability? A burden?
"Vikk."
"I need to go," I quickly hung up on the call. Simon would never do something like that, right? All these thoughts made me feel smothered in my small room, I got up beginning to walk around the house. It felt extremely empty without the screams of recordings. I never realized it but being alone in this house carried a heavy feeling.
I checked my phone as I re-entered my room. Fuck.. my pills, I was 3 hours off my sceond dose, and 30 minutes off my third. I'm so screwed. The restoom became lit with my shuffling around for pills. I wrapped my hand around them but stopped. I was just about to pop the missing doses in my mouth then remembered the doctor's words.
"You need to always take these on their marks, or it won't have the full effect. It could even cause-" I memory became cloudy, that's all I could remember. I set the bottle back down, I already felt a little off. Okay let's just calm down, the bed looks comfy. I slid into the bed and took some deep breaths.
I was okay for a while, drifting in and out of sleep. My eyes shot open when I heard my ringer go off

From Simon <3:
yo that club across the street looks lit
Delivered 1 minutes ago

From Simon <3:
Fuck, wrong person. Sorry baby

Why the fuck was he going to a club. I quickly dialed the number, holding my phone to my ear.
"Babe?" Simons voice questioned.
"What the fuck were those texts about?"
"The meeting for today is over but-"
"Why are you going to a club?"
"Okay mom, I'm going because all the other guys out here are," other guys, hmm.
"Who's out there with you?"
"I got to go Vikk, bye."
My phone displayed Simon's contact picture, I didn't want to look at it. I grabbed it slamming it agasint the wall, not caring about the damages.
Wouldn't it be crazy if he never loved you
Shut the fuck up, you just haven't had your medicine that's all.
He's using you, you're nothing but a fuck toy
No no Simon actually loves me this time, I promise.
That's exactly what you said about Lachlan. He fucked you then left..
He said he was sorry about that, stop bring up the past.
Simon is going to do the same thing, and then you'll be passed onto Harry. Slut. We've told you before, no one loves you Vikk.
People care about me stop saying that, stop.
The only one that cares about you is the fire.
My mouth became dry, I pulled off my sweater and examined the scars. I never wanted to hurt myself, trust me it was the absolute last straw. All of the scars had diminished the discolored lines, was I really ready to make more? I walked down into the kitchen actually thinking about it all.
Hurting yourself is better than hurting Simon.
You can be beautiful again.
The flames love you Vikk.
I pulled out a butter knife from the drawers, timidly I walked over to the kitchen burners. The simmer burner lit up as I turned the knob. The embers of reds and oranges glistening. Slowing I swirled the knifes tip onto the fire. The knife was held into my right, my left arm extending to counter. In a swift motion I pressed the hot metal to my arm. The adrenaline peeked as I set it down for a second then lifted it once more. The inflamed skin yelped in pain but I didn't, this wasn't foreign to me. The mark looked like a distorted S, how fitting.
You're so beautiful.
More, more.
I don't actually remember how one burn turned into twenty. I was controlled by something other than myself, a drive instilled, craving the impurities. I sit here now, the bed colder than usual, still without Simon. I tried to push my mind away from him, trailing to new thoughts. All I could think about was the euphoric feeling of a old flame kissing my skin.
Word Count 1182
This chapter was inspired by a comment left on the last chapter :)) you know who you are! Thank you guys so much for the support on this. I'm so sorry I haven't been consistent, I went on vacation and put wattpad on the back burner so I'm sorry. Okay so tell me what you think about everything so far, I love to hear your thoughts. ilygsm
*ee