all I wanted; ministar (discont.)

05

Simon was snuggling into my body. It had only been a few weeks since we started being intimate, but we found ourselves in each other's rooms very often. I would be editing a video, he would be there. He was staying up till ungodly hours streaming, I would be curled up onto his bed listening to him lose his voice. We were just always with each other. I can't say I minded at all.
Usually by now I'm fast asleep, with a fucked up schedule any time designated for sleep was usually used. But tonight (morning rather) I couldn't sleep, guess I had a lot going on. Simon has been hammering on me to sleep more, the bags under my eyes had been growing and my health could be described as a downward spiral but that's neither here nor there. Apparently I work too hard or something stupid like that. In my mind there is not such thing as working to hard. There is only reaching your goal or failure and I don't really enjoy the latter. But on a restless night like this I knew my body wouldn't be able to sleep, I was just getting those vibes. Nights like these were far and few but when they happened to come about I always embraced them. Usually I'd spend it recording another video or editing the ones I hadn't. I didn't really want to do either so I turned to Si.
"Hey," I said hitting his face. The sleepy boy awoke. He had always been a light sleeper, thank god.
"Wha-what is it Vikk," he said rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Even at this raw state he was still so handsome.
"Wake up pussy," I said removing all romance from the situation.
"I'm up.. pussy," he retorted.
"Let's go somewhere.."
"It's 6am," we'd only sank into the bed around 4, so his whining was justified.
I got up and turned on the light.
"Can we just go to the park or something?" I asked again. I wanted to go anywhere, it didn't matter unless it was with Simon.
"Fine let's go," Simon said throwing the covers off of him. I squealed softly and put on some shoes. Simon moved in slow motion. I grabbed his large hand in mine.
"Come on come on.." I practically dragged him down the stairs. We left the house and began walking.
----
The sky was showing hints of daylight. I didn't bother checking the time, we weren't on a schedule. It was slightly cold, my thin sweater being put to the test with the winds. I stared at Vikk, his legs pushed back and forth gaining momentum on the swing. This swing set was the perfect size for him. We were having side conservations here and there, just enjoying each other's company until Vikk spoke up.
"I feel like I don't belong in the Sidemen," he said softly. The sound of a rusty swing was the only audible thing besides Vikk's stupid remark.
"What.." I was utterly confused by this. "Who do you belong to them? The Pack?"
"No no no. Not like that. I just feel like I'm holding you guys back. I'm so terribly different from all of you."
"Vikk no-"
"I'm the boring one, the one that no one really remembers. My voice gets lost in recordings because I'm not unique," he swung back and forth at a steady pace. 
"I don't care what anyone says Vikk. The reason you're a Sidemen is because we all think you're amazing and talented."
"I just don't belong anywhere anymore."
I got off my swing, with one hand I stopped his from moving as well.
"Please don't say these things Vikk. I love you so fucking much and I can't have you thinking so heavily into this, it will only cause you to be paranoid," he opened his mouth to speak but I laid a light finger to it.
"No. Vikk I love you," I leaned in and connected our lips. When we finally disconnected I could see soft tints of pink forming on the apples of his checks. We once again sat at the swings just thinking. Then it hit me. I was the first one to say I love you. I totally fucked it.
Mum always told me put yourself in the situation where you can be the one to walk away first. If you do this they won't release you were never worth staying for. My backup plan for when heartbreak stuck wouldn't prevail this time.
----
"Fuck." I said as the door slammed. Everyone in the house heard that. We entered the kitchen trying to be stealthy. The clock above said 10am why was it so late? All we did was talk in the park and have breakfast.
"Awh so where have you two been?" Josh said sipping a cup of coffee. His eyes were glued to his laptop but still he knew everything.
"We-we were just uh," Vikk attempted to stutter out.
"Vikk wanted to go to the park and grab a bite to eat," I didn't need to lie, especially over something little like this.
"So you just thought it would be a grand ol' idea to go to the park in the middle of the night?"
Silence.
"Fuck I was worried like a mum when I woke up and both of you weren't here. Just don't do that shit again," He said finishing his lecture. Okay we were both still in the clear.
"We have a recording session in 10 minutes and if you both aren't there I'll kill you, seriously," we both nodded and ran upstairs. Vikk kissed my cheek as I dropped him off at his room. My computer was already on when I reached my room, guess it didn't power off. I was always the one designated to fix the Skype calls and what not but I saw most of the guys having a conversation in a different channel. I rang the call and everyone continued talking.
"Hey guys.." I said softly.
"What's good Si?" JJ asked.
"Oh you know nothing much," I opened up the CAH link that was pasted in the chat.
"Nothing much? Didn't you and Vikk sneak out or something?" Ethan inquired.
"Last time I checked sneaking out is for children," I spoke with a sharp tone , "I'm a 23 year old capable of making my own decisions."
"Why Vikk though?" These guys were all questions.
"Because we both couldn't fucking sleep," I was a little pissed off at this point.
"Simon why are you being so defensive?"
"I don't know why do you have to pry into my life like my mum?" Everyone was quiet.
"When you guys do things that don't involve me I stay out of it because it's annoying playing 20 questions like a bunch of secondary school kids." 
The recording session haven't even began and already I wanted to strangle someone. 
"So what game are we recording today guys," Vikk said joining in on the conversation. Thankfully he didn't join in any sooner.
"Cards Against Humanity, get ready to be called a pedo every round," Ethan said with a loud laugh. Everyone was waiting for Josh but all I could do was think. Why did I become so defensive? Vikk was so calm when it came to addressing the group, but then again no one even dared to question him because that would even badly. I just needed to keep my composure until we were both ready, whenever that would be.
Would Count 1261
I want some brutally honest opinions on this book. I want to hear everything you have to say about it. So ya. Usually I'm more active on here by recently I've been loving vine *cough smol sidemen cough*. Guess I need to find a balance. Thank you guys so much for over 300 reads, it's always hard to start new books. ilygsm
-ee