Overlooking The Moonlight Eye

Managing The Best We Can

"Another bottle down!" I yell before downing another bottle of whatever some dude shoved in my hands while everyone in the dive bar cheers me on. Even the bartender was finding enjoyment in my drunken stupidity and letting me stand on the bar.

"Maybe it's time to get home" Ryan says from beneath me, tugging at my pant leg.

"Why?" I ask hopping off the counter. "the party is just getting started."

"The party started about two weeks ago and it's been a non stop cycle of being drunk, puking, passing out, puking, then getting drunk again."

I only shrug and turn to a girl who has attached herself to me, kissing her lips with a vodka promise.

"She is definitely not eighteen yet" Ryan says pulling the slutty girl off of me.

I pout. "But she was so fun"

"And so illegal" Ryan adds. "Come on, let's go home"

"Home to what?" I spit "Alex and his fucked up brain? He can't even remember what a mug is called, much less my name"

Ryan just looks at me with so much pity and I can't stand it so with a bottle to my lips, I tilt my head up and look to the sky.

-------

I wake up in the mid afternoon, hungover. The only thing that will solve this problem is a Gerard amount of coffee.

I make my way downstairs and to the kitchen, so out of it that I don't notice Alex and Danielle watching me make my way to the coffee machine.

"Good afternoon..." Alex tried "um...fuck"

"Jack" Danielle whispers to him.

"Jack" Alex repeats "I would've got it"

I keep my back to him and don't answer as I try not to think about what happened in this kitchen.

He's slowly getting his memory back, but the doctor told me he probably wouldn't remember the majority of everything that happened in the past few months. Coincidently, I started abusing alcohol every night right around the same time that news was spoken. Pure coincidence.

"Did I say something wrong?" Alex asks

"No sweetie" Danielle soothes "Jack's just tired"

"Who's Jack?" Alex asks

I have to try so hard not to cry that I end up breaking the mug in my hand, glass and hot coffee going everywhere. Coffee clearly doesn't help. I grab my coat and head towards the door, hearing Dani sigh and telling Alex that it wasn't his fault and she'll clean it up.

-------

I can hear the birds chirping through my window some of the better signs of spring this early in April.

"Jack?" Alex knocks before entering. It's a Wednesday so I'm mostly sobered up for classes. I say mostly because I did pour some vodka in my coffee this morning. It's become a habit to carry a flask in my pocket at all times.

I look up from my notes that I'm not even really reading. "What?"

"I...uh... I couldn't sleep" he admits.

"Danielle's awake, she's always awake. Two doors down" I direct.

"No, I know, but...I uh... wanted to talk to you"

"I'm studying"

"It's kind of important"

A little bit of hope springs through me but I push it down because I have a biology test tomorrow and being wasted for that won't help. "Fine"

"I keep having this...dream...like every night." he comes into the room, closing the door behind me. "and you're in it"

God, fuck my test tomorrow I need some fucking heavy alcohol for this shit.

"Wait, please don't go" Alex stops me from getting up. "please just listen?"

I sit back down because I don't know where I was going to go anyways.

"We're...um, well me and you are fighting. And it's dark out and we're in the woods. I don't know what we're fighting about but you fall and I pick you up and ask if you're okay, then you kiss me."

"What the fuck?" I stand up "Did Danielle say something to you?"

"What? I... no" he stutters as I shove past him to get to Danielle's room

"What the fuck!" Danielle asks as I burst into her room, invading her privacy and not even caring that she's only in her underwear.

"You fucking told him?" I yell "You told him about what happened in the woods that night?"

"What? No I didn't!" she defends

"I told you that in confidence! I thought I could trust you!"

"You can!" Danielle yells back "I didn't tell him anything"

"Then how does he know?" I ask with tears running down my face.

She pauses "He knows? What did he say?" she says instantly calming and lowering her voice.

I, however, am not even close to calm. "Everything. Everything that happened that night."

"Wait" Alex says from behind me "That really happened?"

There's a moment when I look at Danielle then Alex and back again. I have no fucking clue what the hell I'm doing. I feel so helpless in this moment.

I stand frozen as I watch Alex walk over to me and put a hand to my cheek. The world doesn't stop when he kisses me, it's just a soft, normal kiss.

"Looks like you still are the realist" Alex smiles.

I look at him wide eyed and for a moment, have a deep fear that this is a dream, but I take him into my arm and hug him as tightly as I can.

"No matter how much I love the gay parade marching through my bedroom" Dani clears her throat, ruining the moment. "I have a huge test tomorrow."

I don't say anything, I just look at her with a big smile before leading Alex out of the room with Danielle calling after us "That means no loud sex either"

From Danielle's room to mine, Alex and I were lip locked to the very end. "You forgot about me" I say breathlessly as I close the door behind me. Alex and I are still close, so close our lips brush together when we talk.

"How could I ever forget you?" he questions, kissing me again like he just couldn't help it.