In the morning we worked on collecting rocks for Otis' funeral. Maggie, Beth, Patricia, T-Dog and Glenn helped, Dad stayed inside with Carl. He had been stable but Dad wanted to keep an eye on him anyways.
I glared at Shane who was wearing Otis' overalls but he didn't mind. I rolled my eyes and continued to pick up rocks. We put them into a wheelbarrow to wheel off somewhere later. I heard some noise and looked over to see the rest of the group. Daryl on his bike, Carol drove her car, Dale, Andrea and Ana all in the RV. I saw her step out and ran to give her a hug.
"How've you been?" She asked
"Fine. Otis died"
"How?"
"He went on a run with Shane. Shane claimed they were overrun but I doubt that only he could make it out"
"Well, you can't prove it and what's done is done, right?"
"Look at him, wearin Otis' overalls"
"Calm down"
"People love tellin me that now"
"How's Carl?"
"Stable"
"That's good" she smiled at me
"Yeah, it is"
•••
After the funeral, a few of us gathered around the hood of Carols car to discuss the search for Sophia.
"County map" Maggie says laying down the map on the car
"I'll go out here-" Rick says pointing to a spot on the map
"You aren't going anywhere. You've given too much blood, you won't last 5 minutes in this heat" Dad tells him "and you" he points to Shane "you got a bad ankle. Push it now and you'll be bed ridden for a month"
"Let him" I mumbled
"I guess it's just me then" Daryl says adjusting his crossbow on his back
"And me" Ana says "I'll go with Daryl"
"Fine" Daryl grumbled
"I can still be helpful. I can make my way back to the highway with Carol to see if Sophia is back" Shane says
"Okay. But then tomorrow we can do this thing right" Rick says as Daryl and Ana leave
"I got somethin else I wanna talk about. We gotta keep this place safe and we need guns. I can offer gun practice"
"I don't want guns on my property. We've managed this long without them" Dad says
"But, all due respect Mr. Greene-"
"He said no" I say sternly
"How about one for whoever is on watch?"
"It'd make our people feel safer. Less inclined to carry a gun" Rick says to us, more me than Hershel
"Okay" Dad agrees reluctantly
Shane lays his gun on the hood of the car, I do so also, then Rick and Andrea.
"What happens if we find Sophia and she's bit?" I ask curiously
"Do what has to be done" Rick says
"What are you going to tell her mother?" Maggie asks
"The truth" Rick responds calmly and I walk away.
•••
I found myself sitting on 'Maggies' chair on the porch. I took in the familiar views of the farm, it almost didn't feel like the apocalypse. It was just one big sleepover party. I saw Dad walk past me.
"Hershel" I hear Rick say, stopping him "our group can set up camp closer to the barn to give you guys more privacy"
"The closer you are, the safer. But don't expect this to be permanent. Once you find this little girl and your boy is fit for travel, I expect you'll move on" Dad replies
"Even Isabelle?"
I'm shocked at the mention of my name.
"She's old enough to make her own choices. She can leave with you guys or stay here"
"You know we're not bad people. Isabelle knows"
"My farm, my barn, my rules, Rick"
I see him walk away again and we make eye contact.
"What was that?" I ask accusingly
"A conversation"
"You'd let me just leave like that again?" I say standing up
"You can make decisions for yourself. I don't want to make you feel like you have to say. You're not 15 anymore, Izzy"
"Why can't they stay?" I whine "Rick has a child and a wife"
"You guys seem awfully fond of each other"
"That's what friends are like"
"I'll thinks bout it" he says and continues his way around the house.
•••
Later in the day, I sat inside with Dad eating lunch. Rick walked in and Dad put down his bible.
"I would like you to reconsider us staying" he says
"As long as you respect my rules, I will think about it"
"You know, I regret telling Carl that Sophia is okay. He won't trust me, will he?"
"You and your son have a wonderful relationship. My father was a loveless drunk"
My heart stopped at the words and I put down my fork. I took a deep breath trying to keep my composure.
"He didn't deserve my love, even on his deathbed"
I thought of when I smashed in my fathers head when Rick had us rub guts all over ourselves. I felt a tear fall from my eye. I covered my mouth with my hand and turned the other way so rick couldn't see. Dad rubbed my arm comfortingly.
"But I believe that you are a good father to your son and don't have to worry about what you said"
I hear footsteps walk away. I turned to my Dad who has sadness in his eyes.
"I killed him" I said
"Who?" He asked confused
"My dad. For us to get out of Atlanta. We covered ourselves in walker guts and the one guy was my dad. I bashed his brains in"
"You didn't kill him. He was already dead"
"But I did bad things to him" I say with my voice cracking
"He's done much worse to you while you were alive and could feel it"
"But-"
"Don't you feel bad, Izzy. He's hurt you and you were taking out your hurt on him, finally" he said and he wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his shoulder.
