Dad took the baby from Maggie while Glenn comforted her. I stood looking at the door that Rick just went through. I heard everyone start to leave and I stayed where I was. I was still in shock and disbelief. I almost felt guilty, I had Rick but only because Lori died. I closed my eyes and took a long and slow blink, hoping when I opened my eyes again Rick would be in front of me. But he wasn't.
"Isabelle! Let's go" Daryl says and I turn to him.
"What?"
"We need to get formula for the baby. Maybe it'll take some weight off your shoulders"
I shrugged and walked with him to his bike. He handed me a book bag before he got on. I got on afterwards. As we drove off I stared at the prison and wondered what Rick was doing.
•••
We arrived at a nursery nearby, the sun was going down at this point.
"Bottles, diapers, clothes, formula, anything useful" Daryl says and walks past me.
He goes around the building and I stood still. He came back around to me anyways, I guess there was no way in. He smashed a window and I jumped at the noise.
"Isabelle" he snapped his finger in front of my face.
"I'm here, I'm here" I say nodding my head mindlessly.
"Are you really?" He pushed me for the answer he wanted, the correct one.
"Yeah" I lied again.
"Listen. There ain't nothin you can do about Rick losing her"
"I just feel bad. I wanted to be with Rick but I didn't want Lori to die"
"No one said you did"
"I just feel guilty"
"How about you do Lori a favor and help keep her baby alive? How's that sound?"
"Yeah. I can do that"
We moved in through the window, Daryl helped me through once he was inside. I went to one side of the building and he took the other.
I looked everywhere for anything. I came across clothes and diapers so I hoped that food and bottles were on the other side. I came back to the room Daryl and I first started in. I pushed all the stuff into the bag Daryl gave me.
"Find anything?" He asked me as he walked in.
"Clothes and diapers. You?"
"Everything else"
"Great" I say with a smile.
•••
The ride back was nice. I watched the road fly underneath us, the sun was going down and I didn't notice until it was completely dark. Daryl kept his eyes on the road and drove fast. My face was blocked from the wind by Daryls back, I held onto him tight for the fear of falling and considering that's the closest I can get to a man anymore.
When we got back we ran into the cell, the baby was the first priority. The baby was being held by Beth, Dad made formula. We all stood around in the same room. When he was done, Daryl took the bottle and Beth handed him the baby, he fed her.
"I was thinking of names. Amy, Jacqui, Carol, Andrea, Patricia, Ana" Carl pauses, I got chills at the sound of her name "Lori"
"How about lil asskicker?" Daryl says jokingly
The baby cooed.
"You like that? Lil asskicker" he whispered to the baby.
I took the time to slip out and go look for Rick myself. I walked slowly with a flashlight held alongside my gun. I prayed I wouldn't have to kill any walkers, I was doing something dangerous, in the tombs, alone in the dark. I checked every room with my breath held, every time there was nothing. I decided to keep going even though I was losing hope. I opened the door to the boiler room and I saw what I think was it. There was an unfamiliar liquid on the floor and a bloody knife. I walked further into the room and had to turn the corner to find who I was looking for. Rick sat on the floor in a corner, he didn't move when I shone the light in his face. I sighed.
"I shouldn't have even come" I mumble and turn to leave.
"Please" Rick croaks and I turn back around to him.
"What?" I asked genuinely confused.
"Stay" he reached a limp arm out to me.
"Why?"
"Just sit with me. Please, Isabelle"
I groan and drag my feet to him. I wanted to sit next to him so bad but not in this way. Not when he can barely move or speak. Not when he's covered in walker blood. Not when he's mourning.
"You're covered in blood" I say
"Is it that bad?" He asks and cracks a half smile.
"A little bit" I smile at him too.
"Do you hate me now?"he asked
"What?"
"You always talk to Daryl now"
"Because you were being mean and wouldn't talk to anyone, Daryl was there and wanted to talk"
"Well, I'm here now"
"But you aren't. You're in the boiler room while my sister takes care of your newborn"
"I just lost my wife!" He gave an excuse.
"This isn't a democracy anymore, right? You're running this shit. You've got a group that needs you! Children that need you! I need you, Rick!" I cried trying to knock some sense into him.
He grabbed my face and kissed me. He kissed me hard and with passion. I kissed back and wrapped my arms around his neck, I didn't want this to end. I don't want Rick to leave again. He had to pull back to take a breath. He looked at me and I looked at him.
"I-I" I stutter over my words.
"I'm sorry" Rick spoke, almost sensing the underlying guilt.
"I have to go" I say and started to stand up.
"Isabelle" he groaned.
"I have to go, Rick. I'm sorry" I left the room without a care.
I didn't turn on my flashlight, I let the dim light from dusty windows lead my way. I had my gun in its holster. I didn't care if I died . I don't know why I left. Maybe it's because I think he wanted human touch. Maybe it's because I was scared of letting him down or I was scared it was too soon and he'd regret it. I wasn't good enough for him or for anyone. All I wanted was Rick, now that I have him, I don't want him. I walked through the tombs slowly. I arrived in the cell block safely, all eyes on me.
"Isabelle" Beth breathed
I didn't answer.
Daryl grabbed me by the shoulders to try and make me look at him.
"What's up? Isabelle. Hey" he says "look at me. Isabelle"
"Rick. I-i wanna help him but I left"
"Listen. It isn't your fault"
"I just wanna go to bed and rest. I need it"
