My Mental Health Life Story, Inspired Edition:

The Beginning...

Faking It:
From time to time, I look back to years ago when I would either fake an emotion by
wiping my tears before being seen by family, or lie about the reason behind my tears, the pain. But little did I realize later, that I wasn't acting like a normal human being. I thought I was fine, that I didn't have a problem. But later, life presented me with a sign helping me analyze what went wrong with what I thought happened at these moments. That I wasn't healthy in a way that I didn't even know nor probably understand at that point in my life that I did have something wrong with me. But something more hidden, life-altering illness that very few come to service sharing with their loved ones about: Mental Health issues.

Realization:
It wasn't until around Easter of 2014 in my 2nd semester of grade 12 that I had come to my awareness that I had a problem. One of the units that was covered in the health portion of my fitness class, was on mental health. We had a speaker who talked about his mental health issues and how it affected his life. He listed all his symptoms of his depression, and as he went through the list, I started checking off the symptoms that I knew I was experiencing. Then it came later that day or that week that I was depressed. No, I was not sad, nor depressed. I was suffering from the mental illness, depression. Completely separate from the emotion, sadness itself which was also on a different level too. Then on April 17, 2014 I decided to tell my best friend Courtney. She was open, and was very supportive and understanding about all I had shared with her that night. But before I told her, I remember crying in the shower. From what I can remember that night, I probably was in a very emotional, sensitive state. But hadn't been the worst emotional ride yet.

Before Knowing The Problem:
Before knowing that there was something wrong with me relating to mental health, I only knew about Robin William's suicide, struggles with his depression and what little I knew about Demi Lovato. Other than that, I knew that a friend from both my high school and church had dealt with self harm, depression, seizures, plus many suicide attempts known as: Tracey Bazso. Knowing all that I knew about her, that I could always count on her for anything about mental health. Which was so great (will be covered further on in my story). I had previously posted a few comments on a few of her Facebook posts talking about how I had mental problems but without knowing or saying it myself in the comments. She was so greatly supportive and understanding for all she went through with her own mental health issues. In conclusion here, I would like to say that knowing Tracey and everything about her, has helped me in ways that not even my parents would understand (in the near future, I'm sure they'll understand but it's all about timing. There's a perfect time for everything).

"So many years of education, yet nobody taught us how to love ourselves."