It Hurts..

On the streets ughh

I walked out my house and walked down the street In the dark  hoping I could find somewhere to stay for the night. But for my look I didn't find anywhere so I just decided to go to my usual spot in the woods but as I passed it I found a burnt down house but it looked familiar to me so I walked to it and then something inside me telling me this is the house I grew up in when I was 2.  I walked to the front door and placed my hand on the handle and hesently pulled it down.  I was suppressed it was still her and open then I stepped inside and looked around in each room.  All the memories coming back to me as I enterd my room. There was holes I the wall,  dust and my mattress I slept on and in the corner my wardrobe so I walked to it and opened it to see a small box at things and my old rope and journal.  I grabbed them both and sat on my old now dusty mattress and crossed my legs.  I took the lid of the box and looked at what was inside it there was a few razor's and bloody tissue what I am assuming what was from my arm, the I found a drawing I did and a few more peaces of crap. Then I opened my journal and started to reed it. After about 20 minutes a certain part made me cry and shake it said

"On the 18th July at 12pm I am going to kill myself.  I've had enough of my life and I just want it to end. I have been strong for to long and I finally give up.

If any of my friend's read this I just want you to rock I love you and pleas don't cry this is what I want.  Love Ash. X"

Tears were running down my cheeks as I closed my journal and put it in my bag.
I looked up and noticed a cut peace rope hanging from the ceiling. I Stood up and touched it and I closed my eyes.

(flashback)

"for fuck sake Ashton why do you always have to mess things up.  You are a failure,  messed up, worfless emo, fat,  ugly I regret giving birth to you!! ".  I slid down my bedroom wall and cried in a ball as my mum slammed my door. I had enough of this I hated everything and everyone why did my life have to be like this.  I walked to my bathroom and grabbed my razor and cut and cut and cut deep.  I didn't care what I did I just hoped I could die.  I stood up and ran to my wardrobe and grabbed my rope and tide a nose and tied it and I stepped on my chair and put my head through and jumped but as I did my friend Phil walked in "hey ash what to..  Ash stop no no no he ran over and cut the rope and I fell in his arms and he held me tight.  "why ash why would you do this to yourself" b-because I deserve it I deserv to die.  He pulled me into another hug and I cried on his chest. We stayed like that for a while then he cleaned me up then he insisted on staying the night to make sure I was safe and didn't do anything stupid.

(flashback over)

I Let go of the rope and shakes and walked to the bathroom and there was blood stains on the wall and floor and I nelt down and looked at it.  I couldn't believe Phil saved me.  I thought he hated me but I guess I was wrong.  I stood up and life down on my mattress and I fell asleep.