I See You

Waiting

Missy has gone silent since Kaitlyn and Azalea went into a coma three weeks and two days ago.

I DABDA-ed.

The first week consisted of me alternating between demanding the doctors find out what's wrong with her by denying her to staying in her state and having long periods of anger about just getting her back just to lose her within the hour. The doctors originally couldn't touch her, but after the third day, she became solid. We were able to move her out of the library's hidden back room and transfer her to one of our vans. I would have been overjoyed that Kaitlyn seems to not be bound to the school grounds anymore, but in my anger I didn't realize the possible meanings of this unexpected turn of events until halfway through the second week.

I'm pretty ashamed of this to be honest. Between denial and anger of the current situation we are all currently in and Missy's silence, there's the fact I'm the next Bast. What leader has fits that rival that of a young cub? I was so immature. I mean, yes, I do have the right to react extremely to the fact my mate is... unresponsive... at the moment, but what does yelling at people who are doing everything in their power to help do?

This revelation brings me to the next stage.

The second week had me setting up a makeshift altar next to Kaitlyn's bed, which we had set up in a private room off the hospital wing in the Streak house. I spent days and a few sleepless nights just praying (and, I'll admit most of the time, begging) to the Goddess, the original Bast for guidance. All I got in the way of guidance was a dream that I think- I think- told me to find out Kaitlyn's history and some weird stuff about a scorned evil rat.

Kaitlyn's history I fully understand is a mystery to be solved but the evil rat thing not so much. That actually might just be an unconscious fear of mine, according to the Streak psychologist. Darcy says my childhood fears might be mingling with my mate fears, to detract me from even thinking of what will happen to my love. It's a type of transference apparently.

After that I was slightly depressed as all the things I had been blocking from the previous weeks, which were stored in my preconscious, flooded my consciousness. All the fears of Kaitlyn leaving me though death again or waking up and realizing that I am the worst mate in the world. If Missy was ever coming out of her catatonic state, or if Missy left me as well. If Azalea died, effectively killing Missy's spirit and taking half of who my love is.

These dark days took a lot out of me. I know it might appear dramatic, but I looked myself in the room with her, and broke down. My heart was in pieces, and I couldn't get my shit together to do anything except change the IVs Kaitlyn has been hooked up to. (I made a point of learning about everything that is being put in Kaitlyn's body. From the liquidated nutrients to hydration mixtures that are effective for tigers, I learned when to give her what. I want to do anything I can for her, she's my mate. I love her, and I swear to care for her as long as I possibly can. Our whole lives is my goal.)

They say acceptance is the final stage.

I want to make it clear I am not accepting her death or even her coma. I mean, yes, my love is in an unexplainable coma, but usually 'unexplainable' is super easily translated to 'mystical' in Shifter terms.

And it's at that thought that I found myself a place to start finding out what the hell happened before she... before I... well before everything actually.

We were born a soul split in two, just as our animals were. Everyone is born incomplete. (Well almost everyone... I heard there are some lucky humans that are born whole, born complete... some shifters are jealous of them- I'll admit it caused a few sleepless nights for me on this, back when I first Changed and realized the hollowness I felt was because my mate had died... but now I'm not jealous as my Kaitlyn is here. My Kaitlyn is here.)

Anyway, mystics. Freaking mystics. Those guys are hard as fuck to find.

As descendants of the sleep god, Tutu -- I always laugh... internally, of course... bit seriously? Tutu? No wonder they call themselves 'mystics'! (Then again, I am named after them, so I shouldn't laugh at their mighty god's name...) -- they spend most of thier time sleeping. Well, really it's actually hibernating, as their shift is a bear (did I forget to mention that the almighty Tutu's official title is "Monster - Slayer, Sleep - Protector"?).

Mystics are bears, but their hibernation patterns are different from that of a "normal" bear. Coupling that fact that they are in hiding due to Apep's descendants - the "Hooters" or "Slides" (I unashamedly laugh aloud at these jokers)- hunting them whenever their not out spreading darkness via humans who are labeled as 'goths' and encouraging the worship of the Eclipse. Apophis, "Apep", is a minor god of darkness whose descendants either take the form of an owl or a snake, or always had wanted to swallow the sun, which is why we have eclipses. Way back when he tried to eat the sun a few times, or so I've been told. Owls are night party-ers who hang with goth humans worshiping the eclipse while the dwindling Snakes form evil occults devoted to hunting mystics and corrupt everything and everyone they encounter.

All of this just leads me back to the fact I can't find a mystic anywhere online. I've checked all the Shifter sites as well as dragged Venus into my online search to look into the dark sites of shifters.

Finally I come to the conclusion I'll have to bring more people into my search, but it makes me uneasy for an unknown reason as I look at the people going on this "quest" with me. My parents have to stay home along with most of our people to hold our territory. Apparently it's a "right of passage" for true Basts to have a hardship to overcome. (Where the fuck did this even come from?! And they couldn't have told me earlier?)

I've got my work cut out for me, and to be honest, would probably have given up after my online search if it weren't for the unwavering support I've gotten from the friends I've ignored and verbally attacked for over a month and the girl whose hand I hold tightly to now.

I look up from my last prayer to Bast, asking her to protect my beautiful sleeping mate, as I leave her in my mother's care. I kiss Kaitlyn's forehead and leave the room with a heavy heart.

I'm going to save her, like I didn't before. My second chance will not escape me.

I won't let it.