I See You

Questions

I think I'm going crazy.

For many reasons.

But mainly because any time I think about something, I realize that the memories of almost everything are blurry.

Like Kellan. What's his favorite food? Is his the same as mine? Is that why we have the same seven meals each week?

Like Remedy. When did we meet? Who found who? I would think I'd remember what's probably one of my biggest moments of being thirteen, if not my entire life.

"Hey you," she says grabbing my face, "You okay?"

I nod, realizing I spaced out again. "I'm good, Love. Want another drink?"

She nods, "But make it a water please, I don't want to be drunk when we leave..." She pulls me closer in the disguise of kissing behind my ear. "And I hate drinking more than one drink, especially at a Greenlin Neunfar party. Not a good idea." She continues downward, kissing my neck softly.

Why am I enjoying this hot girl's face in my neck? (Actually, that's a no brainer.) What I should be asking is 'Why am I not completely into it?'

Even my self-questions seem off. Too familiar.

'Why am I not completely into it?' That's a no brainer as well, to my personal disappointment.

I like Venus. I can even honestly say I love her.

But I'm not in love with her.

She's not in love with me.

We know that, but we're together anyway.

I kiss her once more on the lips before slipping away towards the drink center. Finding no sealed water bottles (you can never be too safe), I head upstairs, to the mostly deserted kitchen.

At first it's only me and some random chick who's passed out on the table half naked. After checking her breathing, I dug out a random guy shirt from the nearby dryer and carefully slipped it over her skimpy clothes. She swam in it, but it was better than nothing. Rape is no joke.

"Oh look, Saint Kaitlyn!" A clearly half intoxicated Mystic Quincy stumbles in as I carefully lay the girl back and open the fridge. Save that stumble, I'd have said sober Mystic.

"How are you today, gorgeous?"

I roll my eyes, grabbing two thankfully sealed waters. "It's ten pm."

"Alright, how are you tonight, cutie?" She readjusted.

"Thirsty. Getting my girlfriend a drink," I wave the waters for emphasis.

She sours a little. "What's so great about her?"

I take it back, she's clearly intoxicated.

I stupidly answer anyway. "Well, she's nice, the true meaning of amazing, understanding, and she's so, so beautiful-!"

Mystic pouts, effectively stopping my thoughts of Venus's greatness. Mystic pout is the damn cutest thing in the world.

I blame the cuteness for the short circuiting of my brain, and for what happens after that.

Her intoxication must have loosened her already too loose barriers been her brain, morals, and mouth, but intoxicated or not it was all her.

"So you're saying she's better than me? Why am I not good enough? Do you find me pretty enough for anyone?"

So it was the short circuit from the cuteness that has me say it, along with my instilled politeness. "No, Mystic. You're plenty awesome yourself, you just can't go comparing yourself to others, unless you need to improve a bit-" she starts looking like she'll cry, and I panic, continuing, "You're pretty, and Venus is as well, but you're pretty in different ways, both physically and mentally. Do you know what I'm saying? Not to say you're not pretty good looking yourself. You're beautiful. You're too hot not to be-" my babble cuts off suddenly as I feel my face redden in embarrassment.

She's enjoying my embarrassing tirade, and grins when I accidentally admit that I think she's hot.

"Don't worry babe, I think you're hot as well," she looks me up and down, and I realize something that shocks me.

"You faked it! You're flirting with me!"

She rolls her eyes, "Goddess you're dense! Duh!"

"I am with Venus!" I fire back.

"And? You two aren't serious-"

I gasp out only one word, my mind stuttering. "Monogamy!"

She gives me another once over. "Pity that, isn't it? You're both too monogamous for your own good. You like each other, but aren't ever going to be fully emotionally available for each other-"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I interrupt, shouting back. "Besides, she's one of your best friends!"

"Yes," Mystic admits dryly, "And her being one of my best friends is why I haven't had my way with you weeks ago."

Damned if I don't honestly find that the least bit thrilling.

But also, almost more so, I'm appalled. After having a loss of words (and a smirking Mystic, smug), I look her in the eyes and say, "What surprises me more than the fact that you want in my pants and aren't afraid to admit it even when I'm with your best friend, is the fact that you didn't do it anyway. Or try to."

She smug grin melts. "What the actual fuck are you saying?"

I have barely a clue myself.

Faking nonchalant, I roll my eyes. "You fuck anything that moves, almost regardless of if they're in a relationship or not... then again, why did I think Greenlin Neunfar's best friend would have any better standards than he has?"

Where the hell did that come from? That was some grade-A fake courage.

She becomes redder with every word I say, opening her mouth. "Says the girl who doesn't even know she's a second choice!"

We both move a step closer, and my fists are sporadically clinching open and shut.

"Actually, she does know she's my 'second'," Venus breaks in, causing both of us to freeze, "Just as, in your context, I am hers. You said it yourself, we'll never be fully emotionally available. But we at least we know where we stand and we work."

She looks tiredly between us. "Mystic, I know how you are, and I'm grateful you didn't try to take this one from me. And Kaitlyn, we already covered all our bases, so we're good." She rubs her head, "What's not good is this. You two going at each other. You're both big parts of my life, and you need to accept that. Now I'm not mad, but I want to go home. Now, please."

With that she grabs a forgotten water out of my hand, and starts for the front door.

(A/N: So, I could give you all of the usual excuses, like I was sick (she was honestly sick, I promise), or the 'my dog ate my homework so I had to redo it' one ~Actually the dog puked on her bed, while she was at work, where she left her homework spread out...Hehe~, but in reality <Um, hello! This is reality, hopeless!> I got obsessed with a book saga on here and it's author "It was amazing! So great! Perfection!", so here's the update, a day late, with my apologies.)