Unknown [Brabrina]

thirty four

//
{Thursday; 8:45 pm}

*one new message* 

Bradley: your kid?

8:45 pm

Sabrina: yeah I know I should've told you when we first started talking...I'm sorry. I know this probably changed everything..

8:47 pm

Bradley: well it doesn't change the way I feel about you Sabrina. I still love you.

8:50 pm

Sabrina: but you don't want to be with me now... Do you?

8:51 pm

Bradley: I do. I guess he's just another person that I'll have to love. I want to be a part of your life B..and he comes with you. And I have no problem with that. But I wish you would've told me sooner.

8:54 pm

Sabrina: I'm sorry I know I should've...

8:57 pm

Bradley: when did this all happen ...if that's okay to ask?

8:59 pm

Bradley: wait that was a dumb question...you said he was almost 3

8:59 pm

Sabrina: it's cool um yeah I'll tell you ..can I maybe call you?

9:00 pm

Bradley: absolutely

9:03 pm

-

I press call and wait for him to answer. After two rings I hear that voice I love so much.

"hey" he says softly.

"hi...um so I guess I should start now"

"you told have to if you don't want to. I'm not forcing you-"

I cut him off quickly, "I know but I want to. I want you to know what happened."

"okay if you're sure"

With a deep breath and begin my walk down memory lane, "well um I was 14 at the time... Young I know." A humorless laugh escapes my lips and I shake my head at the situation "Well um I had a boyfriend and he was 16. I was hanging out with him at his house and well things escalated quickly. He convinced me to have sex with him, he told me he loved me and I believed him."

"I'm really sorry B." He says with so much sincerity in his voice "What happened after all this? Is he involved in Ocean's life?"

"well after I found out I was pregnant I got really scared. I didn't tell him at first. I begged my mom to let me be homeschooled because well a Freshman and junior...having a baby, people would talk. I didn't want to deal with that. He asked me what was going on with me and when I told him... He said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. So no... He isn't in Ocean's life." I explain with a shaky voice.

Thinking back to all of this just makes me want to crawl into a ball and cry about it again. But I'm long over crying about it because Ocean and I deserve better.

Bradley scoffs and I can tell that he is kind of mad "what a douche. I'm really sorry, honestly. I hate that he did that to you. I couldn't very imagine doing that to someone... I would never."

I smile to myself, I know he would never do anything like that at all.

"because you're a good guy Bradley. But I understand if you don't want to be with me now... And that doesn't make you a bad guy. Not everyone would want to be involved with a teen mom."

"Sabrina I still want to be with you. I love you... I'm in love with you. And I mean it when I say it. Do you think I could meet Ocean when I come to see you?"

My heart beat a mile a minute at what he just said. Hearing those words is much better than seeing them. I can hear the love in his voice... I know he really means what he is saying. And hearing him say that he's in love with me just gives me a feeling that I can't explain.

"Yeah... I think we could work something out"

"Great. Um I have one more question"
"Okay, shoot"

"Why are you just telling me now" he asks "I mean the other day... That was the first time you mentioned anything about a child"

Great question. "Well when you told me you loved me... I knew that it was probably time to tell you. So I brought him up the other day just so
...I don't know just so you know of him. Then I talked with my sister and she told me that I need to go ahead and get it over with"

I hear a quiet sigh before he speaks up "okay well thanks for telling me"

"Thank you for staying"

"You don't need to thank me. I love you"

"I love you too" my voice cracks "so very much"

\\

Jacob's new song is such a bop. I didn't think think any song could be better than Sweatshirt but I was wrong. Hit or Miss amazzziiiinnngggg!