A Friendship Or More

Confessions

The next morning I woke up, to my phone buzzing like crazy. I grummbled clearing not ready to get up, but Reedus waited for no one. I grabbed it and gabbed at the answer button.
"Hello Norman," I said dully.
"Where are you? Are you ok? What happend? How did you get home?" Norman talked a mile a minute. I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Calm your ass down! I'm fine I'm at home, Sean gave me a ride," I said Norman exhaled, he was deffenatly smoking. "How may ciggarettes have you smoked trying to get ahold of me?" I asked. Norman made another big exhale.
"Sean? What about your car and how did you know I was smoking?" He sounded suprised. I sighed laying back down. I sighed.
"That piece of crap is dead. I need to call a toe truck later to get it out of the parking lot at work. Norman, I've spent almost every day with you for two months. I know the noises you make when you smoke," I laughed. I heard him laugh too.
"Well I bet your laying in bed annoyed with me," he laughed again. I giggled.
"See you know me as well as I know you," I said still smiling. Norman exhaled again, I assumed he was done. "Done?" I asked. He chuckeld.
"Ok smart ass, then you know why I'm waking you up, get your ass in gear. I'll be over in an hour," he laughed. I smiled more.
"Fine, see you in an hour, bring the coffee," I said. He laughed again.
"Always, see you soon a baby girl," he said as he hung up. I got up and quickly headed to the shower. After my shower, I went to my closet and looked at my clothes. I decided on my favorite pair of skinny jeans that were ripped up. They made my butt look good, thought. Then a cute little red top that showed some cleavage. I smiled, I wanted to get some more of Norman's attention. I was definitely enjoying his attention. I made sure to speed some time on my make up and hair. I looked at myself one last time, as I heard a knock at the door. I looked good, I went to get the door. Norman smiled at me when I opend.
"Well hello beautiful!" He said as he looked me up and down. I smiled, I liked When he called me that.
"Hey," I kinda laughed. I moved out of the way and Noman came in. "I just need shoes then we can go," I told him as I grabbed a pair of heels and went to the table to put them on. Norman smiled at me.
"We don't have to rush," he said. I smiled.
"Then why did I have to get ready so fast?" I asked still smiling. He smiled back at me.
"I'm not sure, if you would have just waited for me, I could have helped you out in the shower," he smiled. I shook my head.
"Your bad," I said. He smiled. "Not as bad as last night, Reedus, I don't think I can be around you anymore of you drink," I laughed. He smiled bigger.
"Why?" He asked smiling. I rolled my eyes.
"You know why!" I yelled at him. He was still smiling.
"I mean I remeber you putting me to bed, but I thought you got in and laid with me," he said, thinking. I could tell he was thinking by the face he made. I really had learned him.
"More like you pulled me in to bed with you after you..... Your the one who forced me to lay with you," I finished, I didn'twant him to think I saw him naked. I really hadn't seen aything.
"After I what?" He asked. I looked at him.
"Nothing," I blushed, he waited, then he spoke.
"I'm assuming I got undressed infront of you," he said. "I woke up naked," he added. I bushed more getting up from the table.
"I didn't see anything. I turned away!" I said without looking at him. He came behind me, pulling me in to a hug.
"It's ok, I believe you," he said hugging me from behind. I sighed. "Also wouldn't have cared if you did," he chucked. I couldn't look at him. I was embarrassed. Not sure why I didn't see anything.
"I saw that last night when you just got undressed," I reminded him. He chucled in my ear.
"You really aren't anything like other girls. Any other girl would have looked and probably joined. You turned away," he said kissing my head. I felt like and ideot, any other girl yes would have looked. Would have let him pull her in to bed. Would have slept with him. I was the dummy. I wanted a relationship. I wanted something to hold on to. I didn't do one night stands. Not even for Norman Reedus. I sighed.
"Yeah I'm different," I said dully. He turned me around. Looking at me hard.
"And what's wrong with that?" He asked. I looked up at him. I couldn't tell him what was wrong with that.
"Nothing," I said, as I tired to move. He refused to let me go.
"It don't sound like nothing!" He said sounding a little upset. I looked at him. I shrugged. I couldn't tell him why I hated not being like them other girls. How I couldn't bring myself to act like them. How I could never sleep with him becaue of that. Even though I wanted to.
"I'm just different, yay me, let's drop it" I sighed. He looked at me.
"I'd take a girl like you any day over an easy one," he said lowly. I looked up at him, but he wouldn't. We wouldn't. I smiled, Norman finnaly let me go. We finnaly headed out, in silance.
We went to work, in silance. I thought about it. I couldn't keep going on like this. I had feelings for Noman and they were getting stronger. I didn't know what I was going to do. We made it to work and Norman parked beside my car. I sighed.
"Steph," he said lowly. I looked over to him. "I don't know if I did something last night, or what, but I don't like this. You seem mad at me," he said lowly looking at me threw his messy brown hair. I sighed.
"It's not you, I'm not mad at you. It's me I just, I don't know, being a girl, I guess," was the answer I settled on. He kinda smiled.
"Ohh, I see," he said looking at me. I looked at him, what did he see? Then I thought about it, he must think I was PMSing. I smiled, I'd let him think that if it got me outta explaining what was really going on. We got out of the Jeep and headed to his trailor. We walked in and I went straight to the couch as usual.
"I'll be sleeping," I said laying down. Norman smiled at me.
"Ok, but how we both going to fit?" He asked with I smile. I looked at him funny.
"What?" I giggled nervously. He smiled at me.
"I wanna cuddled," he smiled I sat up and he sat beside me. Then pulled me in to his arms. "Guess we have to sleep like this," he said, as my head rested on his chest. I closed my eyes I could get use to this. I had to break the silance.
"Why are we sleeping on your couch when we both could have just stayed in bed and waited to get up?" I asked, dying to know.
"Because I can't spend time with you, if your at your house," he said plainly. I looked up at him. Why? Why did he want to spend so much time with me? I couldn't ask that though. Insted I let out a nervous giggle.
"You take friendship to a whole new level," I said shaking my head. I had looked up at him at this point. He was smiling.
"I mean, we could take it to another if you wanted," he said kinda lowly. I looked at him questioning. "I mean how long have you been single? Two months?" He asked. I made a face.
"A little more, but yeah," I said. What was he getting at?
"Ok see, so I'm kinda assuming I'm the only man in your life at the moment," he said. I kinda smiled, he was right.
"Yeah, I mean I spend all my time with you, so yeah," I agreed still confused. He smiled bigger.
"Well I know, there are things I'm not doing for you," he stopped. I looked at him another minute. "Come on baby girl we are adults. I think we can talk about sex," he said confidently. I looked at him. Was he asking me about my sex life?!
"What? How did my sex life get put up for discussion?" I asked, blushing. Norman smiled and chuckled.
"Do you really have one at the moment?" He asked. I looked at him. No, but that wasn't the point.
"That wasn't an answer!" I squeeked. He smiled again.
"Baby girl why are you so embarrassed? It's normal," he said. I sat up more to look at him.
"I just don't see why it's being discussed," I said again. Norman smiled, as he moved in closer.
"How long has it been sence you felt the touch of a man?" He asked gently pulling my head up to look at him. My eyes fluttered shut. I heard him grunt in approval. "That long?" He asked. I opend my eyes.
"Norman," I breathed, he still smiled down at me.
"Why wait anymore, " he whispered. I didn't understand the question. Wait for what? Him or to go find a man. I looked up at him confused. He looked down at me and smiled. I thought a saw his head lean in. My eyes shut as usual. There was the knock at the door. There was the distraction. I opend my eyes. Norman looked annoyed. As he got up to answer the door. I sighed, nope definitely not what I was thinking.
I watched Norman open the door to Greg. I sighed, ofcouse. I stood up, I knew they'd be talking about an episode or something. I didn't want to hear about, and I wasn't sure if I could. I smiled at him giving a small wave as I picked up my cofee cup.
"Good morning Stephanie," Greg said. I smiled.
"Moring," I answered, as I went for the door. Norman cought me by the arm.
"Where ya goin?" He asked. I smiled up at him.
"Work," I said. He looked at me a long time, before he answered.
"Come back later, I wasn't finished," he said as he pulled me in to a hug, I hugged him back with a smile. I loved his huggs. It was like thirty seconds in heaven. We parted and he looked at me.
"I will," I finnaly answered, knowing that's what he wanted. I left and went to the make up trailor to get ready for the day.
Thr day went on, but it ate at me what Norman was talking about. What had he ment? What were we even discussing? What wasn't he done with me? Kissing me? Telling me I was delusional? Because that's how I felt right about now. Crazy, down right crazy. Norman didn't want me, it was all a game. We joked like that. Ok he joked like that. I felt like an idiot becuase I had feelings for a man that would never return them.
I sighed as I picked up my stationns headed out to lunch. I ahd to call my insiurance compsy firdt and get rhem to agree to a remtal car. Then i heard to Norman's and whatever he wanted to finish. I walked slowly, I was bummed out., I didn't want him to tell me that there was nothing between us. That he was just joking. I made it to the trailor and knocked on the door.
"Who I it? " Noeman asked sounding a little annoyed. I wondered what that was all about. He always just answered the door or yelled t come in.
"Stephanie," I said hesitatly. I heard a few noises and then the door opend. He smiled down at me.
"Been waiting for you," he smiled as I went in. I smiled unsure of what else to do. Noman grabbed me pulling my back against his chest. I squeeked.
"Norman!" I cried out. He kissed the side of my head, I heard him chuckel.
"Baby girl, I told you we'd finish later, it's later," he said turning me to face him. I smiled at him. His haands rested on my hips. He rubbed them a little. It felt good, this was the most interactions I had with a man in a while.
"Norman," I cried out lowly, my head spinning, not sure what he was doing. He smiled.
"Humm? You want me to stop just say so," Norman said lowly, suductivly. My breath hitched, I did, but I didn't. He leaned in, my eyed widden.
"Norman," I said lowly, he looked at me, waiting. "What is going on?" I finnaly asked. I was nervous. I didn't want to lose anything or ruin anything we had. he kinda chucked.
"I fell like an idiot. I thought we were on the same page," he said walking away. I looked after him. What happened?
"We could be, if you'd tell me what your thinking," I said, going to the couch and sitting be side him. He looked up at me.
"I mean, I thought there was something between us. Ya know, and with us always being together I figured we could just, kinda have some fun," he smiled. I looked at him. Was he offering what I thought he was?
"I mean I agree there's something between us, but what exactly are we talking about, just having fun?" I asked. He smiled.
"Me and you and soemone casual sex," he said plainly. There! There it was the bolder that crushed me, killed my heart. 'Casual sex,' no relationship no commitment. Just a fuck buddy. I felt my heart break, as I looked at him trying not to cry. He didn't think anything of me. Just someone to sleep with. I took a deep breath strafing myself.
"Steph? Well its not a good sign if your taking this long to answer me," he said lowly. I looked at him I wanted to talk, but I didn't trust my voice. I breathed again trying g not to cry. My throat was dry.
"Norman, I'm nothing like other girls," I said lowly as I got up. There was uspose to be more. I wanted to say more, but I couldn't look at him amymore, tears stung my eyes. I felt so stupid.
"Steph," Norman grabbed at my arm, I pulled away, I couldn't, I couldn't look at him I couldn't be near him. I ran out of his trailor and went to hid somewhere, bht of couse there was no where.
I took a few deep breaths tryingto keep from crying. I blinked like crazy. How dumb could I be? A relationship with Norman?! Was I completely stupid? Of couse he didn't want a relationship with me. I was a hair dresser, a normal average evey day girl. I wasn't tall I wasn't pretty, I wasn't a super model. I looked nothing like his last girlfriend. Why did I ever feel like I had a shot with him?
The rest of the day dragged on, Norman kept his space from me. Andy noticed, hell I think eveyone noticed. I was just glad no one asked me why. I was picking up my station for the day. When I heard soemone, behind me. I didn't want to turn and see Norman. I didn't want to talk to him. I felt like shit, like a stupid person.
"You don't have to say anything. I messed up, I got that when you ran away from me. I truly am sorry. I thought. I don't know," Norman said lowly. I looked up at him. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, he had read my signals right, just didn't answer them the way I was hoping.
"I know why you thought there was something between us. Becuase I feel it too, but we have very different ideas on how to deal with it. I'm not in to one night stands, or fuck buddies, friends with bennifits. What ever you call it. If I'm going to be that intimate with someone. I want to be in a relationship with them," I said still looking down. I heard Norman made a noise and shift.
"Steph, I just got out of a relationship and," Norman started and I out my hand up.
"I know. I know you don't want one, I understand. I was just telling you where I stood on the subject," I said. Norman shifted again. I went back to putting things away.
"I'll see you around then I guess," he said lowly after a few minutes of silence. I didn't look up. I know that's how it would be, we weren't going to be able to make this work. We couldn't be friends, with this akwardness hanging over us. I staired at the object in my hand and just nodded. I heard him walk away. I sighed heavily as I finished what I was doing and I went to my rental car, parked beside his Jeep, only Norman's Jeep was already gone. I sighed.
I made it home in a daze. My time spending with Norman was over. I got to figure out how to be alone again. I went inside my apartment. I had bearly gotten the door shut when I fell to the floor. The tears just fell, like a water fall. I laid on the floor for a long time and cried. I didn't know what else to do. I had talked myself in to believing soemthing so stupid.
Noman liking me, was I dumb? Did I get hit on the head? Of course he never liked me like that. After what felt like forever I got up. I went to my room and crawled in to bed. I didn't bother changing my clothes if I died of a broken heart then at least I would look good. I cried more and my head hurt. I can't remeber when sleep too over and the crying stopped, but at some point I was asleep.