Always on my mind

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Just like Norman Travis made his way in to my life. I let him. He filled a big space Norman had left behind. He couldn't fill all the spaces though. When I was alone, I still thought about Norman.
I just wish things had gone differently between us. I wished that we could some how still be friends. It had been about a month now sence Norman and I had talked. Sence Travis moved in to Norman's empty space.
When Travis asked me out it came as a bit of a shock, but at the sametime I considered it. It had been too long sence I had been with a man. Norman ofcouse, I was with him all the time. We never did anything though, he made me feel pretty and special, but that was it. He never touched me. So I finnaly agreed and it had been about a week or so now we were official.
Today I was at work, it was morning. I was getting ready for the day, when everyone came in. I did as usual and looked for Norman. I didn't see him, Andy sat beside my chair. We shared a look.
"He's not shooting this morning" Andy said lowly. I nodded slightly. I didn't want to look for him every day. I always did though. Travis came in we shared a smile and he sat down in my chair.
"Hey," he smiled. I smiled. I really did like him. He was different from any other guy I had dated. He was sweet and nice, he took me out all the time and I just wasn't use to all the things he did for me.
"Hey," I smiled, as I went to work. There was no specific rules about dating co-workers, but Travis and I had agreed to keep it on the down low. Just to keep things between us. It was really no one else's business.
I finished with Travis hair and he said good bye. I started cleaning up my station when I heard someone behind me. I turned to see Andy.
"Your dating him?" He asked. I looked at him, had Travis told him? Or did he just guess?
"Why?" I asked, unsure of how exactly to answer the question.
"It seems kinda fast," he said. I looked at him.
"We weren't dating," I said lowly, knowing what he was refiring to. He sighed.
"Yeah, but you had feeling for him?" He asked. I sighed.
"He didn't feel the same," I said lowly. It still hurt. Norman was Norman. It was hard not to fall in love with him. His smile, his laugh, his personality. It was hard to get over him too for all the same reason's. Andy shifted.
"I know," he said lowly. I waited. "I just hope it works for you," Andy finnaly finished as he walked away. I sighed.
I really did like Travis, I just couldn't help like some how I was going to ruin this because I missed Norman. We had been friends after all, I'd say best frirnds. Is this what it's like to lose your best friend? Do they take a peace of you with them when they go?
It was almost lunch time when the door to the make up trailor swung open again and someone came in. I had told by some of the other makeup artist that my phone was fine. As long as it stayed in the tralor and I didn't take pictures outside. So I was currently trying to figure out who was texting me and not paying attention to who came in.
"Don't you look nice today," one of thr older artist said. I looked up. It was him, Norman. I looked him over he did, but he always did. New black jeans, leather jacket, hair was done nice. He must have been at a photo shoot.
"Ya think?" He smiled. I smiled. He did. "I just got done with a shoot for another magazine," he said to her. She nodded.
"Any clues on which one?" She asked. Norman had cought me looking and smiling. We shared a long look. The other artist didn't notice she was busy in her work.
"Uh, yeah, A motorcycle one, comes out next month," he finnaly finshed, but hadn't broken eye contact with me. I felt like a deer in the head lights. I couldn't look away from him. We just kept looking at eachother.
"Well if I find it, you gonna sign it?" She laughed. Norman smiled, I don't know if it was at her or me. I still wanted it to be at me.
"Yeah, ya know I will!" He said excitedly. I smiled more, I loved the way his voice changed when he was excited about something.
"So How's Morgan?" She asked, my eyes snapped up to her. The older lady, maybe early fourths, never stopped working as she talked. My eyes fell to my phone. Morgan, who was Morgan? Norman has a girlfriend again. I heard him take in a sharp beath, but couldn't look at him.
"She's home," he said. My heart almost stopped, home? His home? As in his house? The lady made a nose, it sounded like a snort.
"She's back in Cali? I told you I liked the other one!" She said. I heard her slapped at his jaket. He made a nose.
"Everyone did, your not the first person to yell at me. I'm pretty sure my own mother isn't talking to me because I screwed that one up," he said lolwy. I froze, who was the other one? Who did Norman screw things up with? Was there another girl before this Morgan? Then why the hell was Andy telling me I had moved on fast? Norman had two girlfriends when I was still seeing Travis.
"You talked to her?" The woman asked, I was pretending to be doing something else now.
"She don't want to talk to me, she made that one clear when it first happend," Norman told her. She sighed.
"Norman, she was hurt, you didn't exactly tip toe around with her. Don't blame the poor thing for being a little upset with you, I would have," the older lady was blunt. My back was to them now I couldn't see Norman's reaction, but it took him a minute to answer.
"Yeah, I know. I heard she's seeing someone anyways. Doesn't surprise me," he said lowly. The woman laughed.
"Did you exspect her to sit around and be heartbroken forever?" She asked. I waited, in the mean time my phone buzzed and scared me.
"No, I just..." I heard Norman say, but stop. I opend the text message.
'Sorry, it's Sean, you free for lunch in about an hr and a half?'
I read the message, Sean? Sean Patrick Flannery? The only way he would have gotten my number was from Norman. I turned to look at Norman, but he had already left. The older woman looked up me.
"He's tryin'" she smiled. I looked at her tilting my head, then she walked away. What did that mean?
We were told it was lunch time about an hour later and I found Travis. He smiled at me as we, we hugged.
"So my beautiful girl, where do you want to go today?" He asked. I bit my lip.
"I got a text from Sean, he's a friend.." I stopped I didn't know how to explain it. He was a friend of Norman's, but I guess mine too.
"Ok," Travis said, with a smiled. I smiled faintly.
"He wanted to know if I could have lunch with him, he's in town, and wants to talk, I guess," I shrugged. Travis smiled again.
"You're so cute when your nervous, but why are you nervous?" he asked. I looked at him.
"Sean's a friend I met threw him," I finnaly said. Travis shrugged.
"Ok?" He asked smiling. I wasn't sure what to do. My exes would have had a fit. They would have told me no, Travis kept looking at me. "Stephanie, I know you had a life before me and I know you and Norman hung out before we did. That you have a friend or more, in common with him doesn't surprise me. I'm not sure what your exspecting, but I'm fine with you going to lunch with Sean," Travis finnaly said. I looked at him.
"Really?" I asked. I was suprised.
"Yeah," he nodded. I smiled and hugged him. He looked at me funny when we parted.
"My exboyfriends would have flipped if I would have asked to go have lunch alone with a guy," I told him. He shook his head.
"I'm not them," he reminded me. I smiled.
"Your deffenatly not," I agreed with a smile.
"But, before any of your other friends try, I want dinner with you tonight, my place, after work. You me pizza, nexfix and a big comfy couch," he smiled pulling me in to hold me again. I smiled.
"Will there be cuddleing? " I asked sweetly. Travis smiled.
"Mmhm, so much" he agreed kissing me. "Maybe you could stay and we could cuddle in my bed too?" He asked lowly. I froze, we hadn't done anything. Travis never made a move to, or asked, or anything. I looked up at him nervously.
"Umm," I said lolwy. He smiled.
"I seriously mean cuddleing. I swear, just wanna know what it's like to hold you all night," he said. I let out my breath. Travis was truly a gentleman, if all he wanted was cuddling that's all he'd asked for. I knew he'd never push me.
"Maybe," I agreed kissing him quickly. He smiled and held me close to him.
"Don't worry, I'm in no rush. If you ever allow me the privilege of being with you like that, then I want it to be special," he said lowly. I smiled. He didn't say when I let him. It was if I ever let him, things like that made me fall for him more. I smiled, more.
"What a gentleman," I said. He smiled.
"You deserve the world," he told me. I smiled. I was about to answer him when I heard soemone come behind us and clear their throat. I turned to see Sean. I smiled and felt the need to hug him, not only because I still had a big crush on him,and Sean huggs were awesome. He did save me that one time.
"Sean!" I said excitedly, as I hugged him. I had really liked hanging out with him that night at Norman's, he was a great guy.
"Hello Darlin'" he said as he hugged me. I smiled as we parted. Looking up to see Travis smiling.
"Oh, Sean, this is my boyfriend Travis. Travis this is Sean," I smiled. They shook hands and exchanged hello's. Travis looked at me after and smiled.
"Well you have fun, and I'll see you later?" He asked. I smiled.
"Sounds good," I agreed as we shared a small kiss and hug good-bye. Sean and I started to walk.
"A boyfriend?" He asked I looked at him.
"We never dated," I told him, I told myself. He made a noise.
"You had feelings for him," Sean said.
"He didn't feel the same," I told Sean. Sean looked at me.
"He... Doesn't know I'm here either," he said as we got in to the car. I looked at him.
"Do you usualy sneak around on him?" I asked with a laugh. Sean smiled.
"Only when a pretty girl is involved," Sean laughed. I smiled.
"Then why are you here?" I asked sarcastically. He looked at me.
"Norm was right, you don't see how pretty you are," he commented. I looked up at him.
"Eh, I'm alright I guess," I said not sure why they were discussing me. He shook his head.
"Ok, but seriously. I'm here to find out what happend," he said. I looked over at him.
"He didn't tell you?" I asked. Sean stopped, and that's when I saw Norman's Jeep. I froze. Norman pulled beside us, and Sean rolled down the window.
"What are you doin?" Norman asked, then looked at me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye.
"Takin' a pretty girl to lunch," Sean said happily. Norman didn't say anything.
"Find me when you get back," he said. I was holding my breath but when the car moved farward I breathed again.
"You two don't even acknowledge eachother?" Sean asked. I shrugged.
"It's complicated," I shrugged.
"Well that's why we are going to lunch," Sean said. I looked over to him.
"I hate to come off like an asshole, but shouldn't you talking to him about this?" I asked. Sean looked at me.
"I wanna hear your side," he told me. I looked at him. "Why does my side matter?" I asked. Sean looked ahead like he was thinking about something.
"I've known that man a long time. Sometimes it's worth finding out the other side of the story," he finnaly said. I made a face.
"He wanted casual sex, I wanted a relationship," I finnaly summed it up for him in a sentence. We pulled in to a diner, one Norman had taken me to.
"Huh, why?" He asked. I looked at him.
"Why what?" I asked. He looked at me.
"Why wasn't the casual sex enough for you?" He asked. I looked at him.
"I'm not sure what type of girls he does sleep with, but I'm a little more old school. If I'm gonna sleep with you, it's because I have feelings for you, not just because your there," I said. Sean smiled.
"You have feelings for him?" He asked. I shrugged.
"I know you've known him longer, but I'm sure you see some of the things I do. He's funny, he's crazy he has a big heart," I smiled. Sean smiled.
"You saw past who he was," Sean said lowly. I looked at him.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Sean smiled. Sean smiled.
"Come on" he said as he got out, and fallowed him.
We went inside and had lunch. We talked all threw it mostly about Norman and I. I felt strange talking about him. Everything I said, I had been just mulling over in my head for a month now.
It also felt strange to say all this because I was with Travis. I felt like admitting I had feelings for Noman was like cheeting. I liked Travis I really did, but if things had gone differently between Norman and I I knew I wouldn't be with Travis. I told Sean this, he was easy to talk to and he didn't sound like he was judging me in any way when I talked about Tavis verses Norman.
Sean offered his advise on everything. He also told me it was just his opinion so I didn't have to read anything in to it. I took what He said though and thought about it. He knew Norman, had for a long time. He should be the one I listend to.
I wanted to ask Sean how Norman was, what he had been up to, but I couldn't. I had heard way too much this moring with his two ex-girlfriends, and I didn't want to relive that again. When Sean asked me though if I was just filling the void with Travis I couldn't hold back.
"Why does everyone think I moved on too fast? Norman's had two girlfriends, and he and I never dated," I finnaly said annoyed. Sean looked at me.
"Two where did you hear that?" He asked. I foze, now he knew I was listening in on Norman's conversation this moring. I sighed.
"He was in the make up trailor earlier, him and the artist next to me were talking. She asked about Morgan, and then they talked about the 'other one'. She yelled at him for the fist one," I told him about what I had heard.
"Oh," he kinda smiled. "Well yeah," he didn't really tell me anything. I looked at him annoyed.
"It's ok for him to have two girlfriends in the time I have taken to get to know one guy. Wht is it ok for him and not me?" I aksed getting angry. Sean looked at me.
"No, no, no! It's not ok, and the make up artist yelled at him for the first one?" Sean asked. I nodded.
"Yeah they never said her name, just that Janis, the artist, liked her better and they were good together. Then he said everyone was yelling at him for losing that one, even I guess his mom. He said he screwed it up," I gave the short version of what I hear. Sean smiled.
"Huh, I hadn't heard about this. I've been really busy lately," he said as he took a drink of his water. I shrugged.
"Janis asked if they had talked sence the fight or whatever happend, break up I guess. Norman said no, she had moved on. Then Janis asked him if he really thought she would just sit around. Aparently he had no real answer for that he got quite," I finshed telling Sean what I knew. He nodded.
"Well he's got no right to break some one's heart and then exspect them to sit for him to realize he's an idiot," Sean gave his opinion. I nodded.
"Yeah most guys don't care," I said, from what I knew of guys, wich aparently wasn't a lot. Given how Travis was, compared to my ex's. Sean sighed after a few more minutes. He looked doen at his phone.
"Alright, darlin, I have to get you back," he said. I smiled and reached for my purse. Sean held out his hand. "No, darlin lunch is on me I asked you," Sean said. I smiled.
"Thank you," I said. "I'm going to go smoke," I said as we got up and Sean went to pay. I should have know, Norman never let me pay, Travis never let me pay. Sean ofcourse would be the same, soemthing about these actors that made them real gentleman.
I went outside and smoked my ciggarette. I thought about it all Norman, Morgan, the other woman. Everything I knew and didn't know. I sighed of couse he would find a girl after me. I wasn't even his girlfriend. He aparently hated the way things ended with her. I hurt to know he didn't care about how things ended with us. That I wasn't even on his mind anymore. I smoked my ciggarette so fast I got a head rush. I was leaning against Sean's truck when he came out.
"You ok?" He aksed. I couldn't do it. I wanted to cry again.
"Why doesn't he miss me?" I broke. Sean pulled me in to a hug. He rubbed my back. "It's not fair, we weren't dating, but we were friends. Now we are nothing, we don't even talk," I cried. Sean pulled me closer.
"There there, it will be ok, I'll talk to him. I won't tell him what we talked about, but I'll see what I can do," Sean asured me. I looked up at him wiping my eyes.
"I'm sorry," I said as I tried to pull myself together. Sean looked at me.
"No, it's not fair, he shouldn't be acting like this. You two should talk. I know there are things you both need to say," he said. I smiled. We got back in the car and went back to the set. It still hurt to know that our friendship being over didn't affect Norman in anyway. I thought friends were supposed to be forever.
When we got back to the set, Sean and I said our good byes and I went back to work. The rest of the day dragged and I was so happy when it was time to go.
I texted Travis and told him I was going home from a few minutes, but I'd be right over after. He responded with a smiley face and a kiss one and I went out to my car. I had decied to stay the night with him, I didn't want to be alone again, and I needed to talk to him.
I went out to my car and saw Norman. He looked at me and I looked at him. He gave me the worst smile I had ever seen, it was so forced. I tried to smile back as him, but my heart broke. I rushed to my car and drive home thinking about it.
He smiled, it was a shitty one. He either wasn't happy, or didn't want to smile at me or who knows, but it wasn't a real Norman smile. Maybe Sean had said something and Norman figured he should be more friendly or something. I'd rather go back to being ingnored.
I made it home and looked threw my clothes. I had nothing cute to wear at Travis to sleep in. It just went to show how long it had been sence I had slep with someone. I settled for some sleeping shorts and a tank and clothes for tomorrow. Along with everything I needed to take a shower. I texted Travis before I left and told him I was on my way. He answered back and said pizza was on its way too.
I drove to his house. I tried to make myself in a better mood, but I felt empty. I wanted soemthing to fill he void in me and that's what Travis did. I made it to his place and went to the door. He opend it hugging and giving me a hello kiss. I smiled as we went inside and he took my bag to his room.
"It's so nice to be home," Travis finnaly said when we were sitting on the couch. I smiled.
"It's nice to relax," I sais leaning against him. He kissed my head.
"Mmmh," he agreed. I sighed.
"I wanna talk to you," I said, he looked down at me.
"Everything ok?" He asked. I shurgged with a sigh.
"I feel like I need to tell you. I still think about him, I miss him. I don't want things to change between us, I just.... I need you to know, I still think about him. You know we don't talk, and it hurts, we were friends," I finnaly said. I couldn't bring myself to say Norman's name. I hadn't in a month now. Travis smiled.
"I know, like I said before, I know you were friends, I know what it's like to lose your best friend. Ofcouse mine was a dog, but I understand," he kinda chucled. I couldn't tell if he was joking or just trying to lighten the mood.
"Your not mad?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Naw, like I said, you had a life before me. I know that, and to have a best friend you spend ever waking moment with and now don't even look at each other. I couldn't imagine," he said. I smiled weakly.
"Yeah, it sucks," I said. Travis pulled me close, hugging me tight, all my broken peice seemed to be smushed back in to place.
"I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me. That's why I'm here, to be your friend, and help you. I want us to be able to talk like bestfriends. I want you to feel comfortable telling me things, even about you and Norman's friendship. I know you two spent a lot of time together and I know this can't be easy on you. I don't want you to worry of Sean or any oher friend you have wants to go to lunch or whatever and catch up that's fine too," Travis told me, all the things I thought only happend in movies. I smiled, we hugged again. Then the door bell range and the piazza was there.
The rest of the night went well. We ate and cuddled and talked. It was nice to know Travis was there to talk to. I had kinda felt alone, I use to talk with Norman about evrything. By the end of the night I was tired and ready to sleep. Travis pulled me close.
"Bedtime beautiful?" He asked. I nodded sheepishly. He chuckeld. "Come on," he said we went to his room.
"Bathrooms here, I don't know if you shower before bed or not. I shook my head. He smiled at me sitting on the bed. He came over and sat with me. I leaned against him. "Come on sweety. Change first then you can sleep," he said as he haned me my bag. I grummbled lowly, but got up. I changed quickly and walked out of the bathroom.
Travis stood in sweets, and no shirt. I smiled, he was good lookig, nice toned body. He smiled at me.
" I like those shorts," he said. I looked down. This was the most we had ever see of each other. I walked over to him, smileing. He pulled me in to another hug, kissing my cheek.
"You arn't too bad yourself," I said, with a bush. We parted and he kissed my lips. He had done this before, but not like this. It was different I lost my breath. We parted and he looked down at me.
"You ok?" He asked. I nodded, with hooded eyes. Maybe it had been way loger then I thought. He lead me to the bed and I cuddled close to him.
"Good night, my beautiful girl," Travis said. I smiled up at him.
"Good night," I sais kissing him. It was slow it was sweet and it turned me on. Travis looked at me as we parted.
"You sure?" He asked. I looked up, but nodded. I had been so long I was ready. He smiled and slowly kissed me again. His hands held my hips and one slid to my ass squeezing in. I let out a low moan. We parted in need for air. I looked at him pawing at his chest. He smlied.
"Positive?" He asked. I nodded.
"I'm positive," I told him in a breathy tone. He smiled.
"I won't let you down," he said kissing g me again. I didn't know what it ment, but I couldn't think. The lack of being with a man for a while, made this mind numbing. I was truly ready for it though, as I let Tavis take control of my body and mind. Norman was the last thing on my mind for once, as I laid down and smiled up at the man who did care for me.

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