You Deserve

Chapter 5

August POV

I cant believe Bahja is really done with me. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I have been kicking it with Miracle because she is the only person who is willing to talk to me besides Lourdes. Bahja has been ignoring all my calls, texts, voicemails, etc. I don't know what to do anymore. I continuously try but she doesn't care. I guess I cant win her back after all.

I get up out the bed and tell Miracle she gotta go home. But you know she wasn't hearing that shit. She thought she could give me some head and it would be okay and that she could stay but no I wanted her the fuck up out of my house right now. So after she threw her little fit she got the fuck up out my damn house. So then I tried to call Bahja again but she still didn't answer. So I went to go take a shower. Once I got out the shower I got dressed and left out the house to go to Bahja's house to see if I could get her to talk to me.

Once I get to the house I knock on door. 5 minutes later she walks up to the door but doesn't open it. "What the hell do you want August?" "I want you!" "Well you had me and I'm not the one who fucked that up now am I?" "I know I fucked and I'm so sorry can you just open the door so we can talk about it please." "August. I don't think that is a good idea because right now, how I'm feeling, I'm liable to do and say whatever the hell comes to my mind right. Fuck sparing your feelings. So I suggest you get the fuck away from the damn door. I'm not trying to stress my self out worrying about you and what you got going on every minute of everyday. I should be able to trust you. But you keep breaking that trust that I have for you." "Look Bahja, I never meant to hurt. I never meant for that to happen. I didn't even know it was going on until it was too late. I SWEAR I was going to tell you when I got home but you threw my shit out. I cant apologize enough. But I am truly sorry for hurting the one I love and no I am not trying to stress you out. I just want to work things out with you because you are the only one I can see myself with. No one else compares to you." She sniffled and I knew she was crying. She unlocked the door and cracked it. 'Please Bahja all I wanna do is talk to you." She sighed and opened the door all the way and steeped to the side so I could come in.

Once I came in the house I seen Jae'Lynn and King watching TV. They turned around and seen me and they ran up to me. "Hey yall I missed yall so much! I promise I will come get yall tomorrow so we can spend the whole day together before I leave okay?" "Yes sir !" They said smiling and running upstairs to their room. Then I heard a door open and Lucas came out of the bathroom. "Well I'll see you later Bee! Jae baby come give daddy some love before he go!" He said hollering upstairs for Jae. A few seconds later Jae and K (King) came running back downstairs. "Bye daddy I love you!" "Daddy loves you too mama I'll be back soon. Okay? But until then you gotta be a big girl for mommy okay?" "Yes sir!" She said giving him a big hug and kiss on his cheek. After that they ran back upstairs to the play room. "Aight Aug Man I'll catch you later hit me up sometimes so we can chill." "Aight man I gotchu!" I said dapping him up before he gave Bahja a hug and thanked him for letting him see his daughter. Then he headed out the door.

Once he left I went and sat down on the couch and Bahja followed behind me. "Okay I will start!" Bahja said finally speaking up after about 2 minutes of us staring at each other. "I really felt disrespected more than anything. You had me out here looking stupid as fuck thinking that you really loved me when truth is you cant give love to anybody because you don't even love yourself right now. And you really strung me along. After that first incident I thought you learned your lesson but obviously you didn't because you still doing the same old shit. I really don't have the physical energy to go through this shit and this mess is really stressing me out. And I cant have none of that. I really want these children in my stomach. I have grown attached to them. And I have been holding something back but only because I didn't know how you were going to take it. I had a miscarriage when I went into the coma. I didn't know I was pregnant when I almost killed myself. The day I came out of the coma my grandma came to tell me it was not my time. But she had 2 little kids with her. One of them I knew about, it was my and Lucas child that I miscarried when I was 4 months pregnant. But she had a 1 month old developed baby in her hands but she told me it would have been a girl. After that shit. I lost all trust for you. I blamed you for all that shit. EVERY little FUCKING thing I blamed you for it. And right I don't think there is no forgiving that shit right now. Maybe with some counseling and some real life dedication. But right now NO. I love you but I just can't"

I took a deep breath. She reached and wiped the unnoticed tears from my eyes and kissed my cheek and started to get off the couch but I lightly pulled her down. "Look Bahja, I swear I love you with all my heart. I didn't know none of that shit was happening. If I did I would man up and say I did. But besides that, I do think we need to go to counseling so we can get back to our original selves. As far as the baby is concerned I knew about that Ive been waiting for the right time to tell you because I wasn't sure how to explain it. I really miss being around you and seeing your beautiful face every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. You are the person I want to marry not any one else. No one has EVER gotten that privilege and NEVER will. And as far as trust goes I really want to gain that back. Because If we don't have trust we don't have anything. I will be there for my kids and Jae because I still see her as my daughter. I am coming over tomorrow to take all of yall out so be ready by 12:30pm. I love you." I said kissing her cheek and getting up and walking to the door. "I'm not leaving until you say the shit back." I said turning around and facing her. She rolled her eyes. "I love you too August!" "Mhmm You better!" I said walking out the door.