Soldier Boy

Chapter Seven

The phone was ringing.

The phone was ringing and Sam was pretty sure he'd die as soon as Gabe answered.

Kevin was laughing evilly, and Andy looked like he was somewhere between enjoying this and feeling sympathetic. Barry looked like he wanted to stop this horrible train-wreck. But the wheels were already in motion and the train was about to be derailed horribly.

Sam might just kill Kevin after this- if he wasn't dead already, that is.

"Hello? Sam, do you know what time it is?" Gabriel's voice, thick with sleep and sounding raspy, came over the cellphone, and Sam tried to focus on not being aroused with his friends right next to him.

Sam didn't think this could possibly get any worse.

"Uh, yeah, I know what time it is. Sorry," Sam apologized, completely embarrassed as he saw the clock read two o'clock in the morning. God, he couldn't believe he was waking Gabe up to confess his feelings. He could kill Kevin right now.

"Is everything alright?" Gabriel's voice instantly became alert, concern dripping in his tone, and Sam's heart fluttered in his chest.

"No, no, everything is fine. I just wanted to talk," Sam whispered, sounding breathless as he talked to the boy who'd stolen his heart so long ago.

"Okay, Sammich. What do ya wanna talk about?" Gabe chuckled, and Sam heard how amused he was. Wow, Gabe wasn't making this any easier on Sam. But why would he? It wasn't like he knew what was going to happen.

"I like you. A lot. As in, more than a friend," Sam confessed in a rush. Silence greeted him on the other end of the phone, and Sam felt tears burn his eyes. Barry still looked sympathetic, Andy definitely looked sympathetic, and Kevin was beginning to look guilty. Good. He just ruined Sam's life, so he should feel very guilty.

"I kinda already knew that, Samsquatch." Gabe chuckled again, and Sam could feel himself deflate. If he already knew Sam liked him, and he felt the same way, he would have said something. Hinted that he felt the same.

"And you don't like me," Sam stated, his heart feeling as if it had shattered into a million tiny pieces like a mirror. He couldn't breathe properly. His chest ached and his throat constricted all at once. He wondered if this was what dying felt like. Andy looked murderous now, and Sam thought he might rip the phone from his hand to yell at Gabe. In fact, all of Sam's friends did. But he couldn't focus on that- or anything but Gabe and how his heart was breaking, really- right now.

"It's not that I don't like you, Sam... You're just too young for me right now," Gabriel said gently, and it was like he'd pushed air back into his lungs and lifted off the pressure on his chest so his organs could work again. Sammy's face came alive with a smile, showing off dimples.

He'd said 'right now'. That meant that soon, Sam wouldn't be too young for him.

"How old do I have to be?" Sam was serious, desperate to know how much longer his wait would be for the golden-eyed beauty. Sam would wait an eternity if he had to, but he hoped it wouldn't be that long.

"You'll have to be eighteen," Gabriel said, biting his lip nervously. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Gabriel couldn't hate himself more right now. He was stealing any future Sam may have with someone else by giving him hope. Sam didn't even know what he wanted yet. He was just a little kid with a crush. He probably would start dating Gabe, only to realize that Gabe was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

And Gabriel would be left with a broken heart.

But he heard how sad Sam was, and he never wanted a frown to be on the boy's sweet face. He wanted him always smiling, always happy. He couldn't let Sam be sad for even a moment, especially if he was the cause. So, he told him what would make him happy- what was completely true but so wrong to tell him.

"I can wait," Sam said, grinning, and Gabriel hated himself. He was ruining the kid's life. Sam should be breaking girls' and boys' hearts and finding someone he could maybe spend his life with, living young and wild, not waiting for him to turn eighteen so that Gabriel wouldn't feel like he was breaking a law by seeing the boy in a romantic way. Sam shouldn't have to waste the best years of his life on Gabriel.

"Okay, Sam," Gabriel said softly, affectionately. He should be more remorseful, but he couldn't help but selfishly want Sam Winchester all to himself. Sam was just too perfect to let go.

The boys' ended the call soon after, Kevin looking oddly proud of himself now that Sam's mood had lifted. Barry was shaking his head at both of them, clearly exasperated. Andy was smiling, a congratulations on his lips.

Soon, all four went to bed, knowing they'd be woken up at about seven o'clock in the morning for breakfast.

Gabriel laid in his crappy motel room for hours that night, not getting any more sleep after Sam's call. His mind kept running over what happened, of what could happen, and all the possibilities of the future. He could remember the night before he ran away like it was yesterday. He'd been planning it for weeks, had missed several wonderful opportunities for his escape, but something- someone- held me back. That snot-nosed brat, Dean's little brother.

He'd always been able to see how infatuated Sam was with him, and he'd found it cute, so he'd let it go on. But, when he'd gone to leave, he couldn't imagine doing that to Sam. Hurting him like that. He'd written all sorts of notes for his family- Dad would receive one, telling him how sorry he was for running off and worrying him.

Michael and Raphael got equally hateful letters about how they had driven him to running away, how they'd wrecked this family. Balthazar got a note telling him to take care of Cas and Anna and a detailed list of reasons why he was leaving that he couldn't tell anyone. Anna and Cas got letters apologizing profusely for leaving, but stating how he couldn't stay one minute longer.

But Sam couldn't just get a letter, could he? Of course he'd written one, but would it be enough? Gabriel left the note with Balthazar's, instructing him to give it to the youngest Winchester at the soonest possible convenience, but not to show Dean. Knowing Dean, he'd burn it. Then, Gabriel sneakily got Sam's number from Cas's phone and saved it in his, promising himself to call Sam whenever possible.

It had been three weeks. Three long, grueling weeks before he could dare make the call. Sam had been so confused and broken answering the phone, not recognizing the number. Gabriel, at first, had been so damn happy to hear that sweet voice. Before reprimanding Sam for answering a strange number. And Sam had yelled at him, refusing to forgive him for a while. But after profuse begging, Sam did forgive him.

Three years later, and they'd never missed a day to call each other.

He imagined the boy he'd left behind now, three years later, and how different he must look.

It was odd to say the least.

Had he gotten taller? Last he knew, Sammy was about at Dean's chest. Had he grown? He'd been short compared to Gabriel- a rare thing in Gabriel's life, considering how short he was- when Gabe had left, but perhaps Sam had hit a major growth spurt? He'd only called Sam Samsquatch because he'd wanted Sam to feel better about how short he was, but maybe that had changed.

Gabriel wanted to know so badly, but he refused to ask Sam, and he hadn't had contact with any of his brothers or sister in years. Sometimes he could barely remember their faces...

But he always remembered the fights. The brawls. The screamed words. The thrown fists. The harsh words. The look  of betrayal on Lucifer's face... His father's broken form, his younger siblings' heartbreak.

It hadn't been fair! It wasn't Lucifer's fault how he was! Why couldn't their dad have been just a bit stronger? Stood up to his oldest and third oldest sons to protect Lucifer? To protect their crumbling family?

Gabriel had to remind himself again that it wasn't his father's fault. He hadn't even been home at the time. But it still stung. It still hurt how absent their dad had been, even if it was so he could feed them and pay for their colleges.

Gabe's life just wasn't fair.