Soldier Boy

Chapter Twenty-Three

Sam wasn't as naive as everyone believed him to be.

It was pretty obvious why Dean would high-tail it for the military after a party and cut off contact with Castiel Novak-Shurley, his best friend in the whole wide world. Sure, he'd been confused for quite a while. Probably a month. But everything soon fell into place when he'd found out about Cas's depression.

He'd been mad and sad all at once when he'd realized it. He'd been angry at Dean for hurting Castiel and not accepting his own sexuality, but he'd also been sad because he knew why Dean couldn't accept his own sexuality.

John Winchester.

Sam might love his father, but he hated some of the man's ideals and thoughts on the world. Their father didn't approve of gays- some would go as far as to say he hated them. He'd made his opinion about them known to his sons since they were little boys.

Sam definitely didn't agree with his father there since he himself was gay.

Obviously Sam wasn't eager to tell John that he had a boyfriend. John would throw a fit, yell and scream, probably even threaten to disown Sam. Sam wasn't ready for that confrontation yet.

But Gabe was.

"I told my family about you, why can't you tell yours about me?" Gabriel whined, nuzzling his face into the bigger, younger boy's neck.

"Gabe, that was after you'd run away for three years so you wouldn't have to tell them your sexuality, and after you knew they would support your choices," Sam reminded, giving Gabriel one of his classic bitch faces.

"Are you ashamed of me? Of dating an older guy?" Gabriel asked after a moment of hesitation, pulling away from Sam and stared at his fingers as he picked his nails as if they were more interesting than the moose with the beautiful eyes in front of him.

"Gabe, I'm not ashamed of you! I'm just... Not ready to lose my dad like that, you know?" Sam asked, trying to get Gabriel to see his point. He didn't think it was very fair of Gabriel to expect him to ruin his family life when Gabriel had run away from this very same issue years ago. Hell, Dean had run away from it too just last year! So why did everyone expect Sam to rebel? To stand up for himself instead of cowering and hiding like they did?

Why did Sam have to be the martyr? The pariah?

Gabriel looked up at him for a moment, hurt, but still somehow understanding. "I love you, Sam, I do. But I can't be in a relationship that I have to hide from his family," Gabriel said sadly, but resolutely.

Sam's heart rate picked up, his breathing accelerated, and his mind sped. He was panicking. He couldn't lose Gabriel. He had to do something, say something, to appease him. Gabriel got off the couch, ready to depart from the Winchester home and never return.

"My dad and brother are visiting this weekend!" Sam blurted, stopping Gabriel mid-step. Gabriel slowly turned on his heel, eyes wide. "And?" Gabe asked, hope rising in his chest like a balloon. But balloons can easily be deflated.

Sam wasn't sure why he'd said it.

Wait, no. That was wrong. He knew exactly why he'd said it.

Sam hated living a lie, and he definitely couldn't live without Gabriel. Not now. Not after growing so close to him and leaning on him for emotional support after his brother had left.

"I'll tell them then." Sam swallowed hard. There was no going back. He'd signed his own death certificate. But how could he dread it when Gabriel's face had lit up like a Christmas tree, showing off his dimple. Gabriel launched himself into Sam's arms, peppering the boy's face with kisses.

This was everything Gabe had ever wanted. All Sam had ever wanted, too.

The week came and went much too quickly for Sam, leaving him shaky and unsure as he readied himself for his family's arrival. He wasn't sure when to tell John- as soon as he got here? The second day here? Right before he left? Middle of the first day? When?

He also wasn't sure how to tell them. Rushed, just letting it all gush out? Or slow and methodical, letting him absorb a piece before continuing to shatter John's plans for him?

This was all too much for Sam.

When John and Dean arrived early Saturday morning, Dean embraced him as if he hadn't seen his younger brother in years while John just observed him, smiling proudly to himself. John could see Sam was going to make something great of himself one day, and he was proud to say that he was Sam's father.

As the day wore on, Sam's nervousness and fear began to dissipate. This was his family, and if they couldn't accept him, then he didn't want to see them ever again. Bobby would take Sam in, and Sam would finish the school year and go to college and pay Bobby back.

Gabe would be by his side the entire time.

They were all sitting down at the table for dinner when Sam finally brought it up.

"Hey, Dad... I need to tell you something," Sammy said nervously, setting down his fork that he'd been playing with his peas with.

"Go ahead, Sam," John said, putting his own silverware down. Dean was watching Sam silently, still eating. Sam took a deep breath to calm his nerves, stilling his shaking hands. It was now or never.

"I have a boyfriend," Sam said hurriedly, needing to get it out before he chickened out. John stared for a moment, mind processing this new information. Dean choked on his food, having to spit it back onto his plate. Sure, he'd suspected it from the weekly phone calls to Sam, but he'd never expected Sam to tell John.

"What did you just say?" John asked slowly, menacingly, as if he had misheard Sam when they all knew he hadn't.

"I have a boyfriend. I'm gay," Sam said slower, more deliberately. Sam wasn't backing down- no more hiding.

"If you are playing a joke on me, now is the time to say it," John growled, and Sam just shook his head.

"Dammit, Sam! You are not gay!" John shouted, slamming his hand down on the table.

"Actually, I am," Sam replied back calmly, steeling his nerves.

"No son of mine will be screwing boys!" John ordered, standing up now.

Anger rose in Sam's chest as Dean said nothing, did nothing. Just kept stuffing his face, keeping his head down. Sam couldn't stop himself.

"Well doesn't that suck for you since your oldest son has screwed a boy!" Sam yelled, standing up too.

The room fell silent. Dean's fork clattered to the table, the food on his fork splattering. Dean was staring at Sam, wide-eyed, wondering if Sam had really just said that.

John Winchester was frozen solid, unsure if he'd heard correctly, too.

Dean swallowed harshly, desperate to deny it. "I-I haven't, I'd never..." Dean sputtered out, eyes moving between John and Sam anxiously.

"Come on, Dean. We're leaving," John said coldly, staring into Sam's eyes before walking to the door. Sam stood there, shocked he'd betrayed Dean like that.

Dean glared at Sam as he stood, tears threatening to cloud his eyes as he got up to follow his father.

There had been no threats to disown Sam. John hadn't ordered him to vacate the premises. Sam had thought this would end with a slamming door, yelled words, something loud and unforgettable.

Instead it ended with a quiet door shutting, a near-silent room, only disturbed by Sam's ragged breath. His world ended with, not a bang, but a whimper.