Soldier Boy

Chapter Twenty-Two

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I NEVER MISSED YOU!" Lucifer screamed as Michael wrestled him to the floor. Some things would never change in the Novak-Shurley household.

It had been a year- a year of Dean being gone, a year of Gabriel and Lucifer being back, a year of Gabriel and Sam seeing each other, a year of Sam and Cas missing Dean. Lucifer had already finished his last few high school classes and started his college career of pursuing being a doctor. Gabe was still struggling to finish high school. Castiel, Balthazar, Ash, Jo, Bela, Charlie, and Benny had graduated, Anna was trying to finish her high school career, Chuck and Amara were trying to get sober, and everything seemed alright with the world.

Except Dean was gone.

Except Dean was gone, and he never called.

Except Dean was gone, in a freaking war zone, and never answered Castiel's calls.

Except Castiel was slowly losing his sanity as he continued to worry.

Castiel had gotten Sam a puppy as a Christmas present after Dean left, feeling responsible for Dean leaving. Sam had been excited to have the puppy- a Golden Retriever he named Bones. Of course, since John was gone again, it was fine to keep the puppy at his house, but when John came back, Bobby agreed to take the pup. John was gone, off helping Dean train at bootcamp.

Bobby watched over Sam most of the time, sometimes needing Ellen or Rufus to help out. Castiel also helped out quite a bit, choosing to do online schooling instead of flying the nest like Jo, Bela, Ash, Benny, and Charlie. Balthazar actually went to an actual college, but still lived at home. Jo and Ash visited often, but neither stayed too long.

Bela refused to visit her parents, who she was currently filing charges against for abusing her all her life. They'd long suspected it, but makeup and some hardcore denial did wonders for hiding it. Her parents, they'd been told, were good at hitting her where the bruises wouldn't show. Sam, of course, egged her parents' house. Jo had threatened to kill them- to their face. Hell, Ash actually punched her father.

Benny had stayed away, worried about actually killing them. Charlie had hacked their computers and leaked some incriminating evidence to the authorities- Bela's 'parents' liked to take pictures. Jess, Kevin, Barry, and Dirk threw baseballs into their windows.

Of course, everyone turned a blind eye to these new activities.

Even if Bela was a bitch, no one deserved that.

Castiel sighed as his two older brothers wrestled, Lucifer being the only brother that could possibly take on Michael. Michael was actually struggling to keep the upper hand in this fight, but at least this was just playing. It wasn't out of anger like it had been in the past with Raphael.

"You know I kinda missed you, little brother," Michael said affectionately, Lucifer pinned under him.

"Get off me, you sentimental lug," Lucifer grumbled playfully, pushing Michael off of him. Michael laughed, and Cas frowned. Castiel wanted to be happy for his family, but all he could imagine was what Dean might be doing, what could have happened to him, what he might be doing if he hadn't left.

The two brothers went to toss a baseball around, catching up on all the time they'd lost. Michael had quickly accepted Lucifer back into their lives, despite Lucifer's sexual orientation, and the rest of the family seemed to be meshing again. Raphael was still a bit callous with his siblings, but overall was becoming more accepting.

Castiel abandoned the dishes he was washing, unable to finish as memories swarmed him. He slowly climbed the stairs, not even making a sound as he reached his room, slipping in and going to his bed. Beneath his pillow was a picture of Dean and himself when they were sophomores. They'd been caught off guard, the two laughing together as they leaned against each other for support as they almost fell off the couch. Anna had taken it secretively, having figured out where Cas's affections lied.

Castiel crawled into his bed, one hand sliding under the pillow to touch the picture. Cas laid his head on his pillow, letting his comforter envelope him as he shut his eyes tightly, gently brushing his thumb over the picture.

Castiel opened his eyes after a moment, reaching into his bag by his bed to dig out his phone. His thumb typed the numbers automatically without him even thinking about it. He pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear, praying this time he'd answer.

He called everyday, hoping that his soldier boy would answer. Dean didn't answer, but Castiel still called; just in case, one day, Dean wouldn't be able to stop himself from picking up, and Dean would confess his feelings, and Castiel would too, then Dean would get home safe and sound as soon as possible, and they'd be happy together. Castiel, however, would take just hearing that rough, scratchy voice that Dean possessed. Somehow, even though it was rough, it was so soothing. It was Castiel's unhealthy addiction- Dean's deep, gravelly tone.

But, like always, that horrible tone sounded, signaling he hadn't answered, and Dean's voicemail answered. "Hey, this is Dean, and you know what to do," Dean's voice said over the phone, slightly distorted. The beep sounded. "Hey, Dean. It's me again. Please, just answer my calls, okay? I just... Need to hear your voice, Soldier Boy," Cas whispered, his voice breaking.

"I need to know you're safe- that you're alive," Castiel voiced his worries with a heavy heart, wishing he'd never gone to that party, never gotten drunk, never ruined everything he and Dean had for one wonderful night. This was torture. Not seeing Dean was torture. Not being able to hug Dean was torture- to have a conversation with him without having to imagine it.

Castiel ended the voicemail message, tears gently and silently falling down his cheeks.

Castiel cried himself to sleep that night, imagining a pair of great big, black wings flying him to Heaven before calloused, rough, harsh hands gripped him and dragged him down again.

Cas could've sworn that he felt those painfully familiar arms wrap around his waist before he fell asleep.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.