Soldier Boy

Chapter Fourteen

"What are you talking about, Samsquatch? By the way, you really fit the name now," Gabe said stiffly, obviously trying to distract Sam. Sam flushed red, but refused to let the conversation change.

"I'm talking about you and the state of your clothes. Also, you look like you've gotten skinnier. Are you eating enough? Did you find a place? A good one, too, not some cheap motel off the highway," Sam questioned, his concern leaking into his voice as it took over his mouth. It wasn't his business- none of it was- but he couldn't help asking, desperate to know how Gabriel was doing. He hadn't asked for three years, hoping Gabe would just tell him one day, but obviously that wasn't going to happen.

"What? These clothes are comfy and broken in! And yes, Sam, I found a place," Gabriel retorted, putting up walls as quickly as possible.

"And your weight?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I may have cut down on the sweets," Gabriel admitted regrettably.

Sam instantly stood up and dragged Gabriel to the kitchen, digging in the pantry for something. Soon he pulled out a massive bag of candy- green apple with caramel suckers- and shoved the bag into Gabe's hands.

"What are you doing? I can't take these, they're your favorite!" Gabe exclaimed, trying to give them back. Sam just shoved them harder into Gabe's chest.

"Gabriel Richard Shurley, you used to live off sugar, so you are taking this bag of candy and you will shove a sucker into your mouth and enjoy it," Sam growled, narrowing his eyes.

"Kinky," Gabriel muttered with a smirk as he did as told, opening the bag and shoving one of the suckers in his mouth. He moaned at the taste, having missed the taste of sugar on his tongue. But when you were living on your own and couldn't hold down a job, your only stream of money being what your dad could spare, you kind of had to cut back on something.

Sugar, unfortunately, couldn't sustain Gabriel's body, so it had to get cut.

Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel's teasing, but smirked amusedly. "You know you're the kinky one here. For all I know, you'd put chocolate syrup on your lover," Sam replied, chuckling.

"Oh, what a marvelous idea!" Gabriel exclaimed with glee, licking his lips, and Sam wondered if he was more amused or aroused as he laughed at his childhood crush.

"Okay then... But really, Gabriel. How are you fairing?" Sam let out one last chuckle before turning serious again.

"Sammy-boy, I'm fine! I don't really want to talk about it, okay? I want to get caught up with you," Gabriel replied, praying silently that Sam would finally drop the topic.

Gabriel also wanted to know about his family, but he wasn't sure what Sam would even know, and he was terrified to know. It could've gotten worse; one of his three youngest siblings could be being subjected to similar treatment to what Lucifer had endured, or one of them might be in bad health. For all Gabe knew, one of them had run off like he had.

Gabriel didn't say it aloud, never really allowing himself to dwell on it, but he hated himself for leaving. For being too weak to stay and protect them. To stand up to the big bullies. But Gabriel just wasn't strong enough... He couldn't stand it anymore. He loved all his siblings, despite their behavior. Every wonderful childhood memory was at war with the warped images he received now.

The Michael who had been the model brother, who helped their mother with anything and everything and taught Gabriel to play baseball verses the self-righteous bastard who'd chased Lucifer off. The Lucifer who had played with him when all of his other brothers were too busy and had always made time for him verses the jerk that hadn't stood up for himself and ran away when things got too tough; then again, maybe Gabriel couldn't judge him too much for that, but he refused to judge him for the same things Raphael and Michael judged Lucifer for.

The Raphael who had defended him on the playground from some mean kids who'd called him fat verses the one that had cursed Lucifer ever since the day their mother died and helped Michael chase their brother off eagerly. Then there were the innocent casualties- Balthazar, Anna, and Castiel. They didn't deserve an alcoholic father, a dead mother, two asshole brothers, and two runaway brothers. They deserved a whole, perfect family.

But no one could change the past.

What happened happened, and no one could go back.

"I'm fine. My dad is going to be coming home in a few days, maybe a week... My brother is at a party right now with your youngest siblings. Cas usually doesn't go, and Anna only goes to watch over Balthazar. I think Castiel went to watch over Dean- I think they're gay for each other, but neither has made a move," Sam said, hoping Gabriel wouldn't ask anything about Sam's dad.

Gabriel's eyes widened and his face paled. This isn't good. This was everything Gabriel had feared, in fact.

"Really, that so? Where'd your dad go this time?" Gabriel asked, his throat tight. Sam sent him a strange look, but he didn't say anything about it. Gabriel was trying to focus on anything but Sam's last sentence, so he clung to the first while Sam tried desperately to get away from the topic of his father.

"I think somewhere in Texas. He goes to so many forts and academies that it's hard to keep track. I stopped trying years ago," Sam replied nonchalantly, shrugging. It really was no big deal to the Winchester brothers. Sam just had to ignore the occasional stab of pain that pierced his heart.

"I'm sorry, you know?" Gabriel said quietly, looking at his fingers as he picked at his nails.

"For what?" Sam asked, confused.

"I'm sorry your dad is never around and that I left and basically just everything bad that's happened to you, Sam," Gabriel said, looking up at Sam with those piercing, almost golden eyes that made Sam melt. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Gabe. You had to leave- for whatever reason- and the other stuff isn't your fault," Sam said, his hazel eyes soft on the boy he'd fallen in love with.

"I should have explained... I should have stood up to my brothers and I shouldn't have left you. I shouldn't have left any of you. I was just so scared. They're my family, and I love them... But they're messed up. They're twisted and broken and splintered." Guilt flooding Gabriel's eyes as he averted them, too afraid to look and see the disappointment in Sam's eyes.

Gabriel was a coward, and he wanted Sam to see that, even though it hurt to let his own crush think that. Sam didn't deserve Gabriel or his shit. Gabriel was broken beyond repair, and Sam was so beautiful- inside and out- and deserved the best. Not Gabriel.

"Oh, Gabe. It's okay. We all are weak when it comes to our families. None of it is your fault. None of it," Sam said firmly, desperate to make Gabriel feel better.

After years of Gabriel being the only one Sam could talk to and understood him, Dean sometimes being too overprotective, Sam wanted to do the same thing for the golden-eyed boy.