Soldier Boy

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Have you been able to contact Dean?" Gabriel sounded serious, and it was so unnatural for Gabe to be serious. Sam shook his head slowly, lowering his eyes to hide his shame.

"Do you know why he ran off?" Sam had a moment of hesitation before answering.

"Denial. He and Cas had shared a night together, and Dean hightailed it out of here," Sam replied, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Why do you think he's not answering your calls?" There it is. The dreaded question has been uttered. Sam has been avoiding it for years, and now he can't. He can't lie to Gabe anymore, pretending he doesn't know. He has to tell his boyfriend.

"Because I outed him to our dad," Sam said, his throat constricting dangerously.

"What?" Gabe was shouting, shocked Sam would do that to his brother.

"I had just come out of the closet, Dad was yelling at me, and Dean wasn't saying anything! I got so angry that I just kind of said it!" Sam exclaimed in defense, knowing that it wasn't an excuse.

"If you hadn't of done that, we could still contact him and tell him how bad Cas is!" Gabriel shouted, getting in his boyfriend's face. Sam recoiled, grief and fear in his eyes. He'd never seen Gabriel so angry.

Gabe pulled away, not wanting to scare the boy he still loved. Gabe took a breath to calm himself, collecting his thoughts. He gathered his courage; it was time he took a stand.

"Castiel is getting worse. If your brother doesn't get back here and fix Cas, I'll never forgive you. I'm breaking up with you," Gabriel said, and Sam almost lunged forward to grab him and keep his smaller boyfriend with him. Sam's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Please, don't do this, Gabe," Sam begged, but Gabe only turned his back and left the room, leaving his now ex-boyfriend alone in Bobby's house with his two dogs.

Sam ran his hands through his hair, turning from the door Gabe just exited. He caught a glimpse of the couch Gabriel had sat on, and, in a fit of rage, began punching the cushion as if it had just left him instead of Gabe.

Sam, having lost the energy to beat up the pillow, began fishing his phone out of his pocket. He quickly dialed that familiar number and began listening to it ring and ring before going to Dean's voicemail.

"Hey Dean, it's me Sam. Listen, I know you hate me, and I know you never want to speak to me again, but dammit Dean, it's about Cas. He's started hallucinating you. He's been doing it for a while now, and he's getting worse. I know you ran out of here, desperate to never see us again, but this is Cas. He was your best friend before everything went down, and I know you still care about him. So hate me all you want, but come back. For Cas. He needs you." Sam cursed himself after he ended the voicemail, knowing he sounded as desperate and as stupid as he felt. But maybe that would get Dean to come back.

He spent the rest of the day lying around, wishing that Gabriel would come back and say that he regretted everything and that he loved Sam and how everything would be okay. But it wasn't and he wouldn't. Sam had messed up bad.

Bobby came by some time later and found him lying on his couch, the lights off and the dogs whimpering. They knew something was wrong, and so did Bobby.

"Boy, what's got ya acting funny?" Bobby asked, retrieving a can of beer from the fridge. Sam stayed laying face down in his pillows, simply grunting in response. He didn't have the will to stir.

"So, it must be somethin' with that boyfriend of yours."

"Ex," Sam said miserably, dragging himself up as if he had a massive hangover.

"What?" Bobby grunted, his brow furrowing and his eyes narrowing.

"He just broke up with me." Sam knew he looked like death, could hear the lifelessness in his voice, yet he made no effort to liven himself up. He had no reason to care anymore.

"Why in the hell would he do somethin' as stupid as that?"

"Because I did something horrible that I can't take back, and I can't fix it, either," Sam murmured miserably. Bobby didn't know about Sam witlessly throwing Dean under the bus with him. Bobby didn't know how he'd ruined his relationship with Dean irrevocably.

Bobby didn't know how Sam had sealed Castiel's fate.

"Oh, you idjit." Bobby sighed, shaking his head at the boy. Sam might be smart, but he sure was stupid sometimes.

"Nothing can never not be fixed, Sam. You just gotta work for it." Bobby left it at that, going instead to make the two dinner. If this was something Sam truly cared about- and Bobby knew it was- then he didn't need any more encouragement than that. He just needed time to think on it.

"Bobby... thanks," Sam said, one corner of his mouth turning up in a sad smile.

"Don't mention it, kid." Bobby threw a piece of meat to each dog, smiling as the dogs caught the morsels midair. Sam almost chuckled, but he couldn't get himself to.

Sam didn't eat that night. He simply cried himself to sleep on the couch, the dogs sleeping on the ground nearby, gently whining and pawing at Sam to try to comfort him the whole night.