Friends Forever, huh?

Chapter 27 | turns out that neither of us are okay

My phone buzzes again. I consider ignoring it, but look at the message instead. It's from Cole, only containing three words that echo my own thoughts, "I'm not okay."

Despite the overwhelming self pity crowding all coherent thoughts out of my brain, I can't disregard Cole's text. Not when I know what his "I'm not okay" could mean. I promised him that I would stay. No matter how he feels about me, I know how I feel about Cole. I care about him. Scratch that, I love him. With those feelings in mind, I can't leave him alone to deal with his pain.

I call him, panic seeping into my heart as he doesn't pick up. I call again. He still doesn't pick up. Now officially panicked, I grab my car keys and scribble a quick note to my mother to tell her where I'm going.

When I reach Cole's uncle's house, I frantically knock on the door. Cole doesn't answer, his uncle does. I talk to him briefly but I'm more concerned with Cole's safety than being polite.

"Cole!" I shout, rushing into his room. There's blood on his carpet but he's not there. I curse under my breath, sure that he's done something irreversibly terrible to himself.

"Cole!" My voice is more frantic this time as I pound on the bathroom door. Eventually it slides open, Cole's unlocked the door. I catch my breath when I see him. He looks terrible. His whole body is shaking and his wrists are bloody up to his elbows. His eyes meet mine and he looks ashamed, fearful.

I cross the room until I'm right in front of him, holding back a sob at how broken and vulnerable he looks. Before I can stop myself, I reach out to hug him. Wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, I shake with my own sobs. Cole hesitates at first but wraps his arms around my back, holding on just as tight.

"You seemed fine today at school," I speak through my tears, "I thought I succeeded in cheering you up some."

"I tried not to do it," he says quietly, "I tried but I couldn't..." His sentence trails off as I lean back enough so I can press my lips to his. His lips taste of salt, letting me know that he's crying as well. For a moment, I forget my troubles. I forget that he's in the midst of a battle with depression. I forget my pain and insecurity. For just a moment, everything is okay.

I love him. I love him. I love him.

"It's okay," I say quietly once we lean away, "You're okay. We're okay. It's okay."

Cole nods, rubbing a thumb over my cheek to wipe away my tears. He doesn't look convinced by my words though, "Are you okay, Ashley?" I'm touched by the genuine concern in his voice, so I bite my lip and look away. I don't want to lie to him but I don't want him to know the truth either. "Uh, yeah," I say quietly, "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"That's not important, let me clean you up," I gesture to his wrists, pulling him to his feet. He stands in front of the sink as I run water over his wrists, washing away the dried blood on them.

"I know I already asked this," I say, breaking the silence, "but is there anything I can do to keep you from doing this?"

"I don't know," He replies sorrowfully. Walking closer, Cole wraps an arm around my waist and I wince as his fingers land on my bruised side. I immediately try to cover my wince with a smile. He doesn't buy it. Cole's eyes meet mine as he lifts up the corner of my shirt, glancing at my unnaturally black and blue skin. His eyes widen, "how did this happen?"

"I...ran into the side of my counter." I lie, hopefully smoothly, "They're really sharp, you know and I'm really clumsy. I ran into it when I was trying to run to the cabinet to get food and I um, hit it really hard. That's why there's a bruise. It's unfortunate, I know. I-"

"Shut up." Cole orders, cutting my nonsensical rant short. His eyes narrow, "Ashley, I'm asking you for the truth. How did this happen?" Without looking away, he clarifies his question, "Scratch that. The better question is: Who did this to you?"

I pull away from his prying eyes, uncomfortable with the way he can see right through my lies. "No one."

"Stop lying to me!" His voice is sharp, angry, "Who did this to you, Ashley?"

"I can't tell you! If I do, it will get worse." I back away from him, afraid of his sharp tone. He'll confront Shelby and Asher, thinking he's doing something helpful. But they won't stop because of his words. It will only get worse for me. I can't do it. I can't.

Cole's tone softens and becomes sad, "Ashley, stop." My fingers are locked around the handle of the door. I'm ready to run. I'm always ready to run.

"We're a mess, huh?" He says softly, keeping his distance from me. I give a noncommittal shrug, not trusting myself to speak without crying. I want to tell him everything. I want him to know why I have bruises covering my stomach. I want him to know why I wince every time I put weight on my foot. I want him to know that I keep showing up for him because I'm in love with him. But I'm a coward. I do none of these things.

"C'mon sunshine," Cole murmurs, "Open up. Talk to me."

"I can't." I repeat softly, "I'm sorry Cole, but I can't."

He gives me a sorrowful look and opens his arms, "Then just come here." I comply with this, leaning into his embrace. Cole feels warm and secure--the way he's always felt. Home. That's what I feel when he wraps his arms around me: home. A place where I'm safe. Where the taunts of bullies are forgotten. Where we can have a few moments to forget our pain. Home.

***

Okay so I've written four chapters today. I think I need to stop and chill because I currently have none. Me= 0 chill whatsoever.

This chapter is more of a Cole/Ashley relationship development one because I'm in love with them. They're both a mess but maybe along the way, they'll start to fix each other....

Anyway: we are now 27 chapters along in this story...which is insane. I've been writing it for about 2/3 weeks now and I'm crazy excited that I'm this far in.

Serious question for you guys: how are you feeling about this story so far? Do you like the characters? Is the development realistic? General comments??

[yes I'm aware that I am lowkey updating like a maniac. As mentioned before, I have no chill.]

-J