Friends Forever, huh?

Chapter 34 | "can i see him?"

I've been sitting in my mother's car for ten minutes trying to work up the courage to go inside the hospital. I don't know what I'm dreading more: the possibility that he's in worse shape than when I saw him, or the explanations I'll have to give. I don't want his family give me blame-ridden looks. I don't want them to have to pretend like they're not angry at me for driving Cole to this level of despair.

Finally, I take a deep breath and decide to stop putting it off. I give my mother a wan smile and nod. Once we get out of the car, I only rethink and regret my decision about fifteen times. So as you can tell, I'm doing quite well.

"Can we see Cole Brighton, please?" My mother asks the receptionist for me. I'm too awkward to talk to strangers, especially with the major anxiety attack I am currently attempting to keep at bay. However, when the receptionist shakes her head with an "I'm sorry, only family members are allowed," I speak up, giving voice to my desperation.

"Can I see him, please? I need to see him..." I give her a pleading look, nearly begging her to be sympathetic.

She hesitates, "I'm not supposed to..." Then she gives a somewhat hesitant smile but whispers, "he's in room 57. Second floor."

"Thank you."

We travel up the elevator in silence as I finger the sleeves of my oversized sweatshirt. What will I say? How do I watch the boy I love lay there bloody and broken?

My mother grabs my hand, squeezing it to give me security. I draw in a shaky breath, "Okay, let's go."

Room 57. I stare at the door, apprehension building up in my body. All other fears aside, I'm not completely sure that I'm ready to see him in the state he's sure to be in.

And sure enough, I'm not ready. Surely I would have run from the room if my mom hadn't put a hand on my shoulder to keep me from running. I look at her with wide eyes, suddenly feeling as if I'm a little girl again. I'm not seven years old, crying over scraping my knee from falling off my bike...but this situation isn't so different. I looked to her to ease my pain and panic then. I look to her now, completely vulnerable in this moment.

I walk to the side of the bed, feeling slightly awkward as I watch his chest rise and fall. He's in a short sleeve shirt now--someone must have changed him out of his bloodstained one. I never see him in short sleeves, so now I get a full view of the slashes on his skin.

How could someone be in enough internal agony to do this to themselves?

I run a finger along his arm, touching his scars gently. The cuts on his wrists are deep--clearly the recent cuts responsible for his hospitalization. The corners of my lips turn upward into a slight smile as I press my fingers to my lips and touch my fingers lightly to his arm again. If only I was Rapunzel and could take away his cuts and pain with a magical song and extremely long hair.

The door to the room opens again and Cole's Uncle Jack comes in, looking weary. He stifles a yawn, smiling when he sees us.

"Hi Ashley," he smiles and tilts his head toward my mother, prompting me to give him her name.

"Katherine," she supplies him, extending a hand. Jack smiles, shaking her hand, "it's lovely to meet you. Unfortunate that it had to be under these circumstances." He looks grim as he surveys the room.