My Rants

I Never Thought

I never imagined things would turn out this way...

I never thought I would become so emotional, broken and scarred.
I never thought the people I held on so tight would push me away from them, down onto the cold rough concrete, leaving me there to heal from the wide wounds they opened alone.
I never thought I would stay up all night, till dawn, unable to sleep and stop those streams from coming out of my puffy eyes.
I never thought I would change into what I've become now; having to stick back my broken pieces which kept falling down.
I never thought it would be this hard to get over something, that it would be this slow and agonising.
I never thought my happiest moments would be the reason I cried myself to sleep for so many months.

I was a puddle of joy, always smiling and making other people smile. Always energetic and laughing. Never insecure or caring about what other people thought of me.

If little me could see present me, she would call me a liar ; she would say that this person was a stranger to her, that this person could not be her. She would deny it with every ounce of herself.

I never understood why people said that life was unpredictable, that you could never ever guess what tomorrow would be like.
I would always laugh when my parents told me to never change, always be this happy and joyful.
"How else would I be? I have no reason to change!" was always my response.

Huh, if only I had known.

All those quotes about life ; "Never give up.", "Always be yourself.", "Don't care about other people, you're perfect the way you are."
All those quotes never truly made sense to me, they were just very positive, so I always liked them.
Now I know why those are the most popular ones.
It is truly way too easy to give up than to fix something up. It is not laziness, sometimes it just becomes too hard, too complicated, too painful.

But the fruit you obtain if you do try is truly satisfying.
You appreciate life again.
That is the most beautiful thing ever. You will not realise it all the time, but when you do, when you think about it, it truly is the little things which make you love life as it is.

Life is easier when you are a child, a toddler, but life is more enjoyable afterwards, you just have to fight for it.