Rants

love?

Let me tell you I've fallen for all the wrong people multiple times and every time I've ended up flat on my face. Each of them hurt me in a different way but they all ended the same. I don't even know where I'm going with this but the first thing I'm going to say is, the stupidest thing you can do is cry over a boy or a girl and a lot of people can back me up on this.

It's a waste of time, I learned this the hard way. This one time, I went on vacation in a small city off the coast of the Black Sea. If you don't know where that is its a sea in Eastern Europe shared by many countries. We stayed with some of my grandparents friends who's grandson, aged 17 was also staying there. I was already friends with him from the previous year but this time he brought along 3 other friends of his aged 16-17 and as soon as I met them we all hit it off pretty quickly. We'll call them by their first initials. B, M, T & S. M didn't show any specific interest in me until a little later in the day which is when we hit it off. We started talking and he seemed so different from all the boys that I'm accustomed to. He was intelligent, attractive, and kind. Whenever I was with him I felt happy. Actually happy. I knew that the feeling was happy because I didn't recognize it as well as I did, sadness or anxiety. He made me feel safe. He would cuddle me and defend me if I got in trouble. He would tell me jokes and truth be told we drank a little. And when I started freaking out from the effects he just hugged me stroked my head and told me that I'm fine. He even got jealous when I would hang out with T from time to time which I secretly liked. Sounds like a fairy tale right? That's indeed what it was. But here's the deal breaker. The first red flag. I found out he had a girlfriend! That was the ultimate self destruct button. That's when I knew that as soon as he left we could only continue friendly relations. And even though I knew this I still continued which is how in the end I kind of screwed myself over. Because 4 days after he left, he called me and said that he doesn't want to continue communication with me. I sat silently before asking why? I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what had made him make this decision. Of course if that's what he wants I'll do it. I'll do anything for him. But why? Is it because of his girlfriend which I guess could understand. But no it wasn't. He said it was for personal reasons that he didn't have to share.
Me: okay
Him: ...well have a nice day. Or life. Or however it goes...
Me:
Him: well are you gonna say something?
Me: just tell me one thing. Are you happy with this decision?
Him:
Me: *voice cracks* okay well have a nice day
Him: bye.

That was it. No explanation, nothing. I just sobbed. I sobbed and I sobbed. How could I let this happen? I saw it coming? Yet I still continued? I was also angry! He wasted my time! Time that I could have spent with someone who deserved it! It's been a while and I still can't stop thinking about him. How?! How do you just forget someone so easlily?? Why is it so hard for me to forget about him when he probably forgot my name by now.

But what I wanted to tell you with this whole personal experience was be careful. And take this from me, I hope you find someone who cares about you deeply and loves you with every molecule of their being. This was a lesson to me... A cautionary tale, if you will. If something is ever bothering you or if you have questions or if a guy or girl upsets you in any way, please PM me. I'd love to help or at least say a few comforting words. Or maybe if you have advice you'd like to share. I am open to everything. ❤️