prism [ kim s.j ] ( fin )

† 55

     soo kyu.

     the girl who slapped a bitch on her first few weeks of high school. the girl who ate, wondered, and studied alone in a corner of anywhere. the girl who thought would just be another living dust in this huge dustpan full of minuscule debris that is the world.

     soo kyu.

     the girl who vandalised someone else's words to make her own art. the girl who violated strings to make her melody. the girl who burnt rubber and lead to flow her mind and sentiment on a page.

     soo kyu.

     the girl he let go. the girl he blamed everything when he was a naive man. the girl he wanted to love when he let her call him "jin".

     soo kyu.

the girl who said nothing and showed everything. the girl who cried when his eyes were closed. the girl who was trying to leave him for both of their sakes.

     soo kyu.

the girl who he loves so dearly that the wonders why she has this vomiting fate. the girl who made him taste lattes and iced teas and vanilla ice cream with fries. the girl whose name haunts him every time he scrolls through his contacts.

     seokjin was, particularly in this hour of silent stress, scrolling through his contacts to message taehyung.

jin-hyung
cover up for me tonight. personal business.
DELIVERED

it wasn't long enough to get a message back.

taehyung
it's kyu-noona, isn't it?
READ 12:09am

jin-hyung
go to sleep taehyung
READ 12:11am

taehyung
make sure she's okay
READ 12:11am

     his eyes reverted back to the swing of the emergency room door. another nurse walked out, giving him a glimpse of the crowded blue-plastic people doing whatever they can to make soo kyu alive.

     soo kyu.

     he didn't remember opening his phone or going through his contacts. he doesn't remember calling her number, or hearing the buzzes on her bag next to him.

     just when he stopped texting her phone did he realise what he was doing.

     he fished for her phone in her bag, and no doubt, her lockscreen wallpaper was filled with his messages.

latte guy
i'm sorry

latte guy
i'm so sorry

latte guy
why didn't you tell me?

latte guy
i always wanted to kiss you, but i'm sorry if i screamed at you that night. i didn't know what came to me

latte guy
i'm sorry for not noticing earlier, and not being considerate, and not caring of you the way i should have

latte guy
i'm sorry if i didn't say that i liked you before

latte guy
i really did. i really do, still.

latte guy
please be alright.

latte guy
please reply to my texts, okay?

latte guy
i still owe you a chai latte, remember?

latte guy
remember that time when i told you that i don't like death? i still don't. i still hate people leaving me and not returning back and the fact that i won't see them scares me. so please don't leave.

     he doesn't register the fact that he's crying, or that his hands are clenching on his hair, or that the doctor is there waiting for him come back to his senses.

     he also doesn't recall why uncle jaeyeol is not giving him black coffee like he always does when he waits. he's still waiting.

• • •
when you have a lot of free time , but you've been either ; procrastinating cos you don't want the story to end , don't know what else to type in a chapter or have been busy with outings and assessments .-.