Lying To Hide These Feelings veeoneeye/lukeisnotsexy

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Yesterday was a good day. Apart from being sore. It was good to spend the day with Jason. Being ourselves. When I got home, I did something stupid again. I couldn't resist. It's like someone else takes over my body. They turn me into a weak person.

  I've avoided looking at my arms. They make me want to be sick. I wrote in my diary again. It helps.

I can't remember falling alseep last night. But I woke up in even more pain. I hurt all over.

I think my mum has noticed that i've got bad again. I don't want to worry her. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve to have a worthless son. She deserves much better. Well, anything is better than me.

"Look at yourself!" I shouted at myself as I stood infront of the mirror. My pale skin. The way my hair sits. My fragile bones sticking out of my body. The ugly scars. The fresh cuts. Everything. Running my hands through my hair, everything seemed so worthless.

"Can we go on an adventure?" a voice spoke from the other end of the phone.

"An adventure? Jason, you're not 6!" I forced a laugh, but all I wanted to do was cry.

"Yeah! me and you, Luke. Like, all day. We can go to the forest and the fields and then we can camp out. We can start a camp fire and we can climb trees!"

I'm not up to it. I'm incapable of having 'fun' for more than a few hours. Forcing a smile is harder than it looks. It's so difficult to not break down. To just end it all.

"Sure! it sounds good!"

"Luke, you don't have to say yes. I know you've not been yourself recently. Maybe another time?"

"Jason! no, I want to!"

"IM SO EXCITED! I WILL BE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AT 10 TOMORROW! BYE LUKE, LOVE YOU!" and with that he was gone.

Those two words. Love you. I don't care if there was no 'I'. It still keeps me going.

I don't understand. Jason isn't care free at all. I don't understand how he can wake up in the morning and be so out there. He makes it so easy. He makes living a beautiful thing. But I'm not Jason. Am I?

Thank you for reading. I'm having writers block, silly me! Please leave me some feedback, please? Thank you, you're my favourite!!!!!