Lying To Hide These Feelings veeoneeye/lukeisnotsexy

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

My legs ache. My mind hurts .My eyes are done with crying. I want it to end.

"Luke! Stop!" Jason screamed behind me.

"Leave me alone, Jason!"  I spat back at him.

Why? Why did this happen? Why did I let it happen?

Hands grabbed my waist. I sigh as I turn around.

Jasons face, tear stained. Our belongings lay on the floor beside him. My body began to shake along with his.

We are in the middle of nowhere. In a forest. Nobody around.

"Luke, please. Talk to me!" Jason begged. His voice was filled with concern. A part of him doesn't want to know. A part of him wants it all to dissapear. He can't go through this. I can't put him through this.

"Not now, Jason. Not here"

"But why? I want to help you, Luke!"

"Can we do this another time?"

I wriggle out of his grip and start to walk away.

"No! Luke, you've been hurting yourself again. We have to talk. I can't just let you walk away. I don't want you to do this, Luke. please!"

I stop dead in my tracks. I can't handle this. I need Jason. That is all I need.

"Come on, we can go back to my house. I'll call your parents. I'll look after you,"

The walk back to Jason's house was almost silent. I offered to carry my bags, but Jason insisted. I attempted to plan what I was going to say to Jason, but I couldn't. Nothing was making sense.

"There's towels in the bathroom, if you need anything just shout!" Jason spoke as he entered his bedroom. I smiled in his direction and made my way into the bathroom.

I step inside, the cold water hitting my body. I turn the temperature up a bit more. I'm not satisfied. Highter and higher. The water burning my body. My skin turning red. Why am I doing this? My best friend has just found out that i've been hurting myself again and what am I doing in his house, in his bathroom? I'm such an idiot. I'm so worthless.

"Thank you for letting me shower!" I spoke, stepping into Jason's roon. There he sat, on the edge of the bed. His head in his hands. Why am I doing this to him? "Jason?"

"Luke, please can we talk now?"

I can't say no, but I don't want to talk. Talking about this isn't something I like to do. Letting out a sigh I sit next to him.

"I was doing fine up until the other week. Well, I've been having a constant battle with myself. I couldn't cope any longer. And I don't know why I started to hurt myself because it doesn't do anything for me, Jason. It makes me feel worse. I don't remember falling asleep at nights. Days have started to get longer. I long for company, but at the same time I can't stand being around anyone. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore, Jason"

I stop to calm myself down. To stop the tears. To comfort Jason. He looks into my eyes, waiting for me to continue.

   "And it hurts. It hurts to know that I'm the worst best friend ever. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to put you through this again. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not being like you. I hate myself for not being able to face my fears, like you. You continue with life like you've not got a care in the world. You make it seem effortless, Jason. You make life seem like it's worth living"

I close my eyes. I can't look at Jason.

"Luke, i" he stopped talking to look at me. Wrapping his arms around my broken body. I lay my head on his shoulder. "You don't need to feel like this, Luke. You know you can talk to me, and I will listen. You don't need to be like me. You are Luke Cutforth. My best friend. You make life worth living. If you weren't here, I wouldn't be here."

The last words caused me heartache. If you weren't here, I wouldn't be here.

Thanks for reading!!! The next chapter is the last one and it gets rather emotional!!!