A Twist In Time

Epilogue : Crossroads

July 30, 2031; New York

Four days. At that span of time since she left me, my heart was in abject pain. The afternoon I married her by the beachside was still vivid in my mind. How I held her hands, how her smile overpowered the sun shining in the horizon and how I felt that everything has fallen for us into our laps was heartwarming. I was infinite. She was infinite. We were bound to spend forever in each other’s arms.

How a month passed by with us exchanging sweet words and kisses and waking up in cold mornings with my arms wrapped around her in bed made me think we were inseparable. But it never turned out that way. She had to leave me, and that left a huge hole in my chest.

I’m not used to waking up without her. I’m not comfortable without her near me. Four days of her being gone was beyond torture. And no matter how much I think of it again and again, I knew beforehand that she’d be leaving. Now I had to deal with the pain alone.

I clutch her right sandal close to my chest and recall the last time we talked. Sacrifice. Her telling me she loves me even if we’re years apart. Her voice. It all seemed to connect at once, at that exact moment, when I had to lose the one girl I ever loved.

I looked through the window. I tried to fight the tears that threaten to spill. The train moved faster. The scene outside passed by in a blur. And I was surprised when it pulled to a stop.

People went out and another bunch filled inside. My eyes scrutinized each one of them. And someone caught my attention.

Carmel.

She walked toward a seat not far from me. She sat on a vacant bench, bringing with her a couple of paper bags. She must have gone from grocery. My heart picked up a pace and started beating wildly beneath my chest.

I’m not sure if she remembers me. Not in a lifetime. Days have gone by in my life but for her, it’s already twenty-one years. That must be long enough for her to forget me. Those years are enough for her to find another man who can give her forever.

I looked at her without blinking my eyes. I drink her in until there’s time left. It may not happen again and if this moment moved on to the next, I knew I won’t regret anything.

She caught me staring at her when she looked up. Everything between us stopped. Frozen. It’s as if we’re back to the very first time we met to the time I realized that I loved her. The hands of the clock ticked backwards. And I had a sudden feeling that I want to defy time just to be with her.

Her eyes were fixed on me. I tried to move my foot a bit just to see if I can pluck the courage to go to her. But my resolve was starting to break down. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. The few people positioned between us seem to multiply in my sight. Do I have to take this risk before it’s too late?

She looked away and brought her attention to her grocery bags. I suddenly felt guilty about it. I must have intimidated her way badly. I averted my gaze into somewhere vacant and sulk over my loss.

The train stopped in the next station. I was brought back to reality and watched as people clambered out and came inside. I saw Carmel stand up and bring herself outside. I stood up from my seat, and with all the energy I have, remained standing because I don’t have the courage to go near her.

Just before she reaches the door, she met my gaze. For a moment, I went paralyzed with her deep brown eyes staring at me. My world stopped turning for a while. All the images came flashing in my mind, and suddenly I’m being transported to the days when our love was the most important thing that matters. The feeling surged through my veins in opposing motions. I wished I can take everything back… and keep it with me forever.

And when she smiled at me, I swore my heart stopped beating for a long time. A hopeful smile formed on my lips, just as she slowly walked away.

I still love her. If she feels the same way, that I don’t know.

Some feelings don’t die over time, I guess.

Copyright © 2013 by Franz Correa