Tittle: Envious Love
Author: JustCallmeB
Genre: Fan fiction
Summary:
The worst part of being alone is being lonely.
These are the thoughts of social outcast 16-year-old Nico di Angelo. After the betrayal of his only friend, he has been the perfect example of a wallflower at school; that is, until he meets Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson at a party.
Friendship grows between the three; until, for Nico, it becomes more than that.
Caught between his feelings for Percy and his friendship with Annabeth, Nico is in for an interesting year.
My review:
So the first thing I would highly suggest is to get rid of the disclaimer in the first chapter and allow the reader to discover the character is a boy on their own. I didn't notice it so when I read it had added something special to it. Then I went back to the front and saw that you added a note at the beginning of the chapter and it took away from that chapter and take away from the element of surprise. The chapter started of really strong and everything.
I love how you really tap into Nico's emotions and allow the readers to feel what he's feeling. However, as I read your story I felt like there was something lacking in each chapter and I came to the realization that everything felt a bit rushed. I would go back and maybe add details. As a reader I'm already intrigued by the story, so now you just have to really allow the reader to fall into the book and absorb every moment that happens in the book.
What I love about the character is the relationship he had with his sister it was heart warming to see him feel that way as his sister went through all of that. I also loved that the Nico and his crush had that chemistry, but I wish there was a little more tension. Like rather than Percy asking him to hang out right away I wanted there to be a little more suspense.
One thing I was slightly confused about was if Everyone knew Nico is gay? Do people know if Percy is bisexual or is he gay but not out yet? Does Percy even know? Of course there were only ten chapters so maybe you haven't gotten to that part yet.
I have to say I really admire that you are writing a love story based on two men and not the generic Man and women love story. In my story Timeless and Bliss I have two same sex characters who are ex lovers and it was hard to portray the struggles that those in the lgbtq community face. I think your doing a wonderful job so far and I can't wait to see the struggles they face and how they are able to overcome such obstacles.
