Title: Grithim
Author: Elle-The-Writer
Summary:
He was a shy, found comfort in books, and always answered questions with a question.
She was angry at the world, unable to see an end to her own suffering and could always be found alone at the edge of the forest.
Xander lived in the ruins of the fallen United States, that is, until he is kidnapped by government soldiers and shipped off to the small, desolate island of Grithim. There he is saved by Jade, a beautiful girl who's face can become sour in an instant. She is like a magnet, yet Xander can't help but wonder whether he should be attracted or repelled.
For Jade, every day on the miserable of island of Grithim is a struggle. Haunted by what took place in her old life, she just can't seem to let go of the past. Then Jade meets Xander and can't help but feel her rigid exterior begin to slip...
Can these two broken halves find a way to become whole once more?
And will they be able to escape Grithim, the place that has become their own personal hell, despite all the obstacles that stand in their way?
My review: The first paragraph left me speechless. Right away you had me in a trance! I couldn't put the story down. And as i continued to read on you pulled me further into this trance and things got interesting fast. This is so important when maintaing the readers attention, and you did exactly that. In the first chapter you left so many questions and I love it.
I adored the science behind it. I thought it was creative as the character explained the white/red blood, it made sense. Again thats important in a science fiction story. The science aspect has to make sense.
I felt that chapter two ended rather abruptly and found it a weird way to end the chapter, but thats just a personal opinion.
Jade is probably one of my favorite characters. Right away, it was clear she was a women of independence, a strong leader, and though her being closed off is a bit cliche, it deffineitly works for her. I'm thrilled to see how ths brutally honest character develops along with the other characters.
To all my readers I highly recomend radngg this story. It was well thought out and written beautifully with an intriguing, few grammar errors, and a plot that keeps you questioning everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Title: She was here
Author: hatonshell
Summary:
Life is cruel, everyone knows that. It has a funny way of making a person realise his terrible mistakes, even years after making them.
Jayden, once the extrovert, is now held back by his past. Turning a blind eye to someone he shouldn't have, he's now drowning in guilt and depression. Who would have known that once a much loved jock, would be turning into a mere shadow of his old self? But that's what happens if you have a past as dark as Jayden's and a fate so unforgiving that people can't help but pity you.
Pity is the last thing he needs, and that's not what Alestine gives him. He will soon experience the desire, that's felt between two youngsters. But he will also discover the sweet love, shared between an age old couple
My review: The first thing I noticed was the misplaced commas. I would highly recomend going back and editing it was a little distracting. Rememeber that when you end a sentence in a question mark or exclamation point you don't need a comma. When a comma is needed it goes inside the quotations. Here are some basic Examples:
"Don't do that!" She exclaimed.
"Why are you here?" She asked.
"I love you," she said.
This is a simple fix that will nstantly imrove your story.
Like many other stories, I believe yours has the potenial to be something incredible, but it's lacking development. I want to feel the characters every las emotion, and because your story focus is around depression, that is sooooooooooooo important. I truly admre anyone who writes about mental illness. Whether those writers have been through it or have known someone has dealt with it, it truly comes from a dark place that has impacted there life.
The thing I love about, well really any art, is that it is a form of expression. But to create a beautiful piece you truly have to tap into those emotions. It's exhausting mentally because you are allowing yourself to feel vulnerable, but you have to let yourself open up those wounds and dig down deep and by doing that it will show in any art and in your writing. I think you are holding back and once you let go and allow yourself to express, you'll be unstoppable.
