An overly-eager artist being welcomed into the industry is taken on a bumpy ride as she learns life does not have as many sunny days as she thought. Within the process, she comes to learn that her tour guide is a lot more important to her than she e...
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December 28, 1986 Chanhassen, Minnesota
They say that death due to a broken heart is real. Did you know that? You can love somebody so much that when something happens to them or the relationship shared... You can die. You can drop dead right then and there. Your heart will stop properly functioning as a literal organ and you can pass away. While it may be ironic, it's also pretty damn simple. Love is terrifying. Anything that can create, can destroy and the concept of love opens a can of worms you don't want to play with for shits and giggles.
That's why I question how many of the few men I've told I loved them were truly loves of mine rather than nothing ahead of deep attachments. I can question it because I now know that when you love somebody, it is only them. Nobody takes the place of that person in your heart. From the moment you wake up until you lie back down to sleep that night... It's only them.
It took me a while to recognize that when I woke up, Omar was not on my mind and when I went to sleep at night, even if he was next to me, Omar was not on my mind. I knew what was though... And that was becoming a harder pill for me to swallow each and every day that I fought it. Music was kicking his ass in the race for my heart and, to make matters worse, he couldn't play a damn thing. We knew who could though... I never said I felt any particular way toward Prince, but I surely knew I cared about him ten times more than Omar.
I wanted to be free from those dementing thoughts. They terrorized me and I didn't want that on my conscience.
The only time I was free was when I was working. I worked all the way up until the middle of December. I couldn't miss Christmas with my family. I'd only recently touched American soil again the week of Christmas. Surprises weren't easy to work out with all the kinks of the press and public media but I managed to sneak my way back to Chicago. I had Omar with me too. Him not having a job meant he could travel with me and he wanted to go everywhere I went, especially when I came back from a week's long stay at camp.
Camp is what Prince and I call the longer trips we made to each other— or should I say, trips I made to him— that were with the very specific intent of recording. It's like camp. Kids go to call to laugh with friends, eat s'mores, make friendship bracelets, and teach each other to tie knots. We went to camp to laugh with friends, eat sushi, buy friendship bracelets, and teach each other new melodies that the other never heard.
After the tour with him, just before my rehearsals began, I went to camp. Then, I went on my own European escapade. Omar came with me, like I said, and it was a unique experience.
Coming home that week opened my eyes to how fast life was moving outside of my freshly formed workaholic bubble. For one, I realized that Omar couldn't keep up with the new life I lived. Then, seeing my brothers for the holidays made matters even more surreal. Little Johnny got big, way bigger than he was the last time I'd seen him. He was talking and walking like an itty bitty grown man. I can't forget to mention that Eddie was almost as tall as I was. He'd sprouted five centimeters since I last saw him. It was all one big whirlpool of realization. Time was running away from me.
